June 11, 2025

Beyond the Pulpit: Sexuality, Spirituality and Starting Over with Bekah Slider

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Beyond the Pulpit: Sexuality, Spirituality and Starting Over with Bekah Slider
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Send us a text Jen speaks with Bekah Slider, a former pastor turned confidence coach. They explore her journey from a strict religious upbringing to embracing her true self, discussing the struggles with hypocrisy in religion, the importance of intuition and the challenges of parenting beyond religious trauma. Bekah shares her experiences of deconstructing her beliefs, navigating marriage and finding freedom in her sexuality and career as a confidence coach. The conversation emphasizes authen...

Send us a text

Jen speaks with Bekah Slider, a former pastor turned confidence coach. They explore her journey from a strict religious upbringing to embracing her true self, discussing the struggles with hypocrisy in religion, the importance of intuition and the challenges of parenting beyond religious trauma. Bekah shares her experiences of deconstructing her beliefs, navigating marriage and finding freedom in her sexuality and career as a confidence coach. The conversation emphasizes authenticity, joy, and personal growth in the journey of transformation.

Key Takeaways:

  • Transformation often begins with a pivotal moment.
  • Hypocrisy in religion can lead to deep personal struggles.
  • Empathy and intuition are often suppressed in strict environments.
  • Exploring sexuality can lead to personal freedom and empowerment.
  • Confidence coaching helps individuals reconnect with their true selves.
  • Joy and passion are essential in entrepreneurship.
  • It's important to listen to one's body and intuition.
  • Personal growth should feel like a joyful journey, not a burden.

Episode Highlights:

[02:38] Growing Up in a Conservative Christian Home

[04:52] Struggles with Faith and Identity

[11:33] Transitioning into Ministry and Marriage

[16:19] The Unraveling of Beliefs

[27:34] Exploring Sexuality and Personal Freedom

[33:32] Breaking Free from Societal Norms

[37:08] Transitioning to Confidence Coaching

[39:58] The Role of Sexual Expression in Empowerment

[50:00] Rediscovering Joy in Entrepreneurship

Resources Mentioned:

Bekah’s Website

Bekah’s Podcast

Connect:

https://www.instagram.com/bekahslider/

https://www.facebook.com/bekahslider

https://onlyfans.com/bekahslider

Go to http://www.mymoodymonster.com to learn more about Moody today!

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When Not Yet Becomes Right Now (00:00)
Welcome to When Not Yet Becomes Right Now, the podcast where we dive deep into the moments of transformation, the times when not yet shifts into right now and everything changes. I'm your host, Jen Ginty, and this podcast is all about those pivotal moments in our life journeys. You know the ones, when the hesitation fades, when we take that first step, even if it feels like a leap. It's in these moments that growth and healing begins. Each episode will explore stories of resilience,

moments of clarity, and the sparks that ignite real change. From personal experiences to expert insights, we'll uncover how people navigate the complex journey we call life and come out stronger on the other side. Whether you're searching for that spark in your own life or just curious about how change unfolds for others, you're in the right place. We'll discuss the ups and downs, the breakthroughs and setbacks, and how to embrace the right now, even when it feels out of reach. Because sometimes,

The hardest part of the journey is realizing that the moment you've been waiting for has already arrived. So take a deep breath, settle in, and let's get started.

Jen (01:09)
Hello and welcome to When Not Yet Becomes Right Now. Today I have such a fabulous guest with me. Her name is Bekah Slider and Bekah is an ex-pastor who walked away from ministry, religion and unsupportive beliefs in order to find, fall in love with and live as her true self. As a confidence coach and speaker, she helps women drop the good girl persona, liberate their self-expression and create a full turn on of their voice.

visibility, impact. She also occasionally gets little naked on OnlyFans. Welcome, Becca!

Bekah Slider (01:45)
Thank you. Thanks for having me. I'm so happy to be here.

Jen (01:48)
Me too. This has been a conversation in the, waiting. ⁓

Bekah Slider (01:53)
Mm hmm. Yeah, we've had to reschedule a few times. I

think mostly due to my ⁓ my brain not working properly.

Jen (02:02)
No, no, no, no. David Lynch died. That's what I just, that's how I put it. David Lynch died. He was a huge person in my life and background and my son fell in love with him as well. And when he passed, there were a lot of places out there that were putting out his movies again in like original film. So we kind of just jumped into that. And I appreciate you, being able to change for that day.

Bekah Slider (02:06)
Right.

Mmm.

I love it.

Yeah, yeah, not a problem. It's pretty regular for me that I have to adjust the things and like, usually I'm the one asking for the change.

Jen (02:34)
You

So why don't we get right into it? What is your origin story?

Bekah Slider (02:42)
Yeah. Yeah, so I grew up in a conservative Christian home. I'm one of five siblings. So I'm number two, actually, of five siblings. And I think home life, I think I didn't realize it was pretty drastically different from other kids until I was in middle school, when I realized that other kids had the ability to, you know, have a normal social life, let's call it. I see their friends on a regular basis and I was restricted to

once a month type things. And the control was actually off the charts in my home. And I felt like I was always walking on eggshells. But then in the church, it didn't feel that way. So we've got kind of a contrast. Because when I went to church, it didn't feel like it was very domineering. It wasn't like Southern Baptist where it can be very extreme. was non-denominational, so it was more relaxed. So I went back and forth, struggling with the hypocrisy of what I saw with my parents in my home life.

this like draw toward love and Jesus and the church. But by about 15, I felt like a failure. like, I can't do this. I feel like perfection is what is expected of me. And I keep missing the mark. And I would rather just be done with it than to keep missing the mark. And I also was looking at all the hypocrisy I saw. And I'm just like, this is disgusting. I don't want to be a part of this. So I walked away from it only to come back to it at age 19.

⁓ After I had been out of the house for a while on my own, I was in a relationship with a guy who was really ended up being pretty traumatic. It was narcissistic. It was abusive. And I got to the place where my self-worth just hit an all time low. I mean, I felt worthless. I had no friends. I had nobody. And I didn't really know what to grab onto at that point, except my sister right below me. ⁓ She had been still in the church and seemed to have found this

this road to Jesus that wasn't filled with all this rule book, right? It was like just love, it was out of love and grace. And I was like, okay, maybe there's something different here that I wanna check out. So I came back to church and that begins like the next chapter of my story where I ended up meeting my husband. But yeah, that's kind of the origin of like my childhood of what my life looked like.

Jen (04:52)
I think you had a much more stricter and more of an all-consuming kind of religious history, whereas I had to go to church with my abuser every week and I saw the hypocrisy in that and really forced me out of having faith. And I was a Catholic, know, and...

It was really difficult to laser focus in, I also went to Catholic school. So I had to be immersed in it all the time and just sitting there, like you said, in that hypocrisy, in this understanding that even though what is happening to me is wrong, I still have to honor that person and do what that person asked of me. So it's...

Bekah Slider (05:31)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Jen (05:46)
the hypocrisy can be so overwhelming, right?

Bekah Slider (05:50)
Absolutely. And then it also, it's really hard when you're very empathic, which it sounds like you are as well, where you, have such a heart and an open mindedness to be able to see all sides of things. And yet you're so, and so you're trying to love people and live in forgiveness and live in compassion, but you struggle with the boundaries of knowing like, is this, is this just me, you know, not being, ⁓ not wanting to be more kind and more compassionate, or is it my soul?

that is out of integrity with itself, that's out of alignment. And I have never been taught to trust myself. I've been taught to trust everything outside of me. So I don't actually know how to listen to and follow, no judgment on myself, right? But like, I don't know how to. So of course this is happening. Of course this is what we have. And this is why we have a society, especially of women who are literally...

just laying down their lives and sacrificing everything for the sake of everyone else, especially their husbands. And they've lost themselves and they don't know themselves. And they feel like if they say no, or they don't do the thing, they divorce, or God forbid that, that it's so bad and so wrong when really they're in this inner turmoil. And then you wonder why they're stressed out because they're out of integrity with who they are. And they don't know how to be in alignment because they've never been taught to listen to their deeper knowing, to trust the deeper wisdom.

And it takes time to build that. So it's like what we're describing here with our lives. It's a cultural problem. It's like an entire generational problem, multiple generational problems. And so it's good to be part of the ones who are saying, what the fuck? Wait a minute. Is this really the way things are supposed to be? Yeah.

Jen (07:35)
Yeah, you're so

spot on about intuition and us not being able to trust our intuition based on the beliefs that were forced on us, right? You hit it on the head as far as I'm concerned because I've spoken about intuition in the past. When it comes to religion, I don't know it as much as with my abuser is when you're in constant trauma.

You can't trust your intuition because you don't know what's happening with the person who's being abusive. They could be at any moment abusive to you. So how could you possibly trust yourself? And I can imagine that's very similar to religion.

Bekah Slider (08:16)
Yeah, absolutely. then depending on, because there's so much spiritual abuse too in religion. So depending on how your abuser acts too, it can be similar in this sense with spirituality and the religion and the church. There's a lot of manipulation that occurs that sounds right and just and godly and loving, right? And out of this place of like, of course, like this is how you need to be for me. like, look at like, and.

It's total fuckery and the mind warp that goes on the mind warp. keeps you in these loops and these cycles. And then, and this is why breaking out of this kind of stuff, out of abuse, out of out of like, when I say religion and Christianity, I'm talking about those of us who wrap our identities in it, because some people are able to just say, I'm a Christian occasionally go to the church, but they're not really living it. And I don't say that in any judgment whatsoever. I'm just simply saying it doesn't define their life and they don't feel a lot of like.

rule following or shame around that, which is actually great. It's actually wonderful if that's not the case. But for those of us who are in relationships as you were, and really the relationship with Christianity, I talk about how the fact that like when I came back to it, I referenced how I was at such a low point, right? So when we are at such low points and we feel just, you know, we have no self worth, there is a trauma bond that happened with me.

and Christianity. And I didn't realize it literally until a couple of years ago. I was like, Holy shit, no wonder it was so hard. I literally trauma bonded up to Jesus. I trauma bonded onto this thing that was supposed to provide me and tell me all of who I was again outside of me. Right. And that became every aspect and facet of my being, whether it was my being a wife in the near future, right after that, or being a mom, or even in my career, when I moved into ministry, everything

was coming out of this, like, I'm a Christian first, everything else second. And those things were like pillars, though, because as a wife and as a mother and then as a ministry head leader, whatever you call it, those are all like, these feel like the right things to do. And there's fulfillment in them. So it's not like I was just like wildly unfulfilled.

So kind of moving into what happened next is I ended up meeting a man in church very quickly. Now at this, I'm 19. I need to point this shit out. I'm 19. I had already had like lots of sexual experiences. I was pretty wildly sexual actually, but unfortunately that abusive relationship really like shrunk that down and fucked it all up. So I meet him, I like him, we start dating and he's a good man. like, of course we started having sex because I love sex and sex is amazing and it's to being human, but then there's the shame.

because you don't have sex outside of marriage. So what do we do? We were dating for six months, we were engaged for six months, and we got married after a year. And in that year, he was gone seven to eight of those months on deployment. So I married a man I didn't even know at 21 years old. This is a very common thing in the church also. And then right after that, started having babies. Right? So who am I?

Jen (11:20)
Wow.

Bekah Slider (11:33)
I basically graduated high school a few years earlier and here I am, like I'm married and I'm having babies. And then he's like, and I'm going get out of the Navy and go into ministry. And I was like.

my dad was in ministry too. And so there's just like a lot of like trauma there for me. But he did. He goes into ministry and I find my voice because I'm a natural leader and so, and I'm a natural speaker. So those are two things that in the church I was in, this is not the case for all churches, ⁓ they allow women in leadership. They allow women in ministry. So I was able to be a ministry leader and along with my husband for a while. And then he actually went on as staff as a pastor. Then we moved to Ohio and went

on staff, both of us as pastors at another non-denominational church. All this time, if you would have asked me if I felt free and I felt good and I felt like my life was good, I would have told you yes and I would not have been lying.

because it's how I knew the only way a good life looked. Do you understand? Like, I didn't have an, like this had to be it and I was so ingrained. I wasn't just one of those people who was like, religion makes me feel good as a human. No, I lived and breathed it. Like I was talking to Jesus every day. I was having quiet times. I was praying. I was worshiping. Like it was everything. I held onto it like literally the blanket of security I could not let go of.

Jen (13:01)
Yeah, it's so interesting because religious organizations, they're insular. They kind of encompass you and wrap a blanket around you, whether that's negative or positive. It's an experience. And it sounds like, you you were just cloaked in this religious experience.

Bekah Slider (13:24)
Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. And here's what's really odd. I don't really talk about this too often, but ⁓ I never felt like I fit in my entire life. I never really felt like I fit in, but I thought going into ministry and being part of like the church leadership team and like I thought I would be kind of like brought into a group. I was never one of those girls who had like a group of I did very, very shortly in high school, but who had a posse, you know, like this is my group of friends. These are my girls like.

I didn't have that. I was always like on the outskirts. I just never felt like I really belonged, not in my family, not in friend groups. And I thought I would find that in church and I never did. I never did. I always felt like the oddball. I always felt like I was too much. cause even as a Christian, I was a bit loud and even slightly abrasive because I would confront people if I needed to. I being a confidence coach now, it's funny because it's not like I didn't have any confidence then. It was just through the lens.

of what was appropriate in being a Christian. And so ⁓ I still never felt like I belonged. I always felt like I was different. Like something was like, it's like just, wasn't fitting and I couldn't figure out why. And then all the while I was being wildly, I was lying to myself. I was lying to myself and I was doing such a good job at lying to myself that I didn't know I was lying to myself, right? And that was around the areas of my relationship with my husband.

and how good it was, telling myself it was so good. Again, he wasn't an abuser, like, you know, it so good. And it was around ⁓ beliefs in Christianity that I had to put in a box because I didn't want to face them. Because if I face them, that means they might not be true or I might not believe them anymore. And what does that mean? If that's the case, one of them being regarding sexuality, just that homosexuality is a sin because I knew I was bisexual at 17 years old. Right. So

Just certain pieces of me, I was fragmented and that's what I was presenting, but I was convincing myself so good and others that I wasn't, that they were getting all of me, that this was the fullest expression because it's the fullest expression I knew how to give at that time. So I don't even judge that version of me. She was doing the best she could with her fullest expression, with what she knew and what she felt safe to do.

Jen (15:51)
Yeah, you I see you, Becca, as this big, beautiful soul. You radiate it. And those type of big, beautiful souls tend to get so repressed so that they're not showing their full selves, right? You weren't allowed to be a big, bright force of a woman, right? And that must have been so painful.

Bekah Slider (16:14)
Yeah, yeah, it's so true.

Yeah, and it becomes more painful when you realize that in order to live that way, in order to start choosing you, to choose your light, to choose your true expression, it would inevitably break the hearts of people you care for. And that's kind of what came next. About 2018, stuff started just, I started really wrestling with a lot of things and

People say, when did you decide to not be a Christian? I'm it wasn't a decision. It's like this podcast when not yet becomes right now. And it's a buildup. It's always a buildup of these micro shifts and micro moments. a lot of them was, ⁓ again, just this permission to ask myself hard questions that made my stomach turn, that made my soul feel like, what are we doing? And the questions were around the pillars

of Christianity, which also happened to have been the pillars of what I built my life on and my entire identity around. And so what happened first was I stepped down from ministry. I was like, I can't be in this position anymore. Then I walked away from church as a whole, not my church, but just church. And then I took an entire year to, I was really alone, honestly. I was still married at the time, but just really, ⁓

When you walk away from stuff like that, people don't typically follow. And I don't even follow meaning choosing what I'm choosing. I just mean, stay in touch because you've now become someone that they're not used to and they don't know. And so it feels safer to stay away. And so I was mostly alone that entire year asking myself the hardest questions of my life and also believing I was going to go to hell every day if I was wrong.

If I was wrong, if I was letting go, if this is what I was choosing, if this isn't actually true, like this thing I built my life on isn't real, I'm going to hell. And that's the thing, like when your identity is wrapped up in it, you believe in heaven and hell. And you believe that as shitty as this life becomes, you're okay, because you're going to go to heaven. Like you know Jesus, so you're going to go to heaven. So like there's this sense of deep, deep security.

that most people don't feel and I felt it, I clung to it. And I wasn't jumping, I always say this, I wasn't jumping off some cruise ship of Christianity into another ship of religion like something else to hold onto. I had nothing, it was into an ocean, into a place ⁓ of unknown with no safety net, there was nothing. But after that year, I kept wondering, when am I gonna land? When am I gonna land? Where am I gonna land?

I didn't land on any specific thing. What I landed on was the realization that Christian beliefs are fear-based beliefs. The core staples, the core pillars of Christianity are fear-based beliefs masked, enveloped in love. And that's how they pull you in. That's how it gets you. And it's hard because... ⁓

Jen (19:31)
That's right.

Bekah Slider (19:38)
One of the hardest things I've wrestled with is not judging myself. For all the years I feel like I wasted because I didn't get out, right? And I'm sure you can relate to this. It's like, why, that feeling of like, why couldn't I get to that spot where I knew these things faster? Why couldn't I see it quicker? Why couldn't I, like, and I really the past two years have been strongly working on that. Like, just like she was doing the best she could.

And she got you here. She got you here, right? You needed, yeah.

Jen (20:10)
That's it.

That's really it. We survived through it. Maybe we weren't getting on that healing journey as quickly as maybe we wanted to, but we survived it and we created a life where we could live until it was time, until that moment came along.

Bekah Slider (20:37)
Yeah, yeah. And it's really interesting too, because when you take the foundation of your life, whatever that is, whatever your strongest identity is formed out of, for me it was Christianity for a long time, and you unravel it and you deconstruct it, and it just literally, it crumbles.

I thought at the end of that year, okay, like I felt like a landing, a peace. And yet it was the beginning of a domino effect of deconstruction in every other area of my life and parenting and marriage and sexuality and my expression and just how I show up in the world and the way I view myself like everything, everything, because all of those things were like tree limbs out of the trunk of Christianity. So they were all impacted. They all fell too. And it was like,

shit, now that I don't believe this, what do I believe about this? And when you give yourself permission to ask the hard questions, it also is a domino effect. it kept giving myself, I kept giving myself permission to ask hard questions in other areas. And the amount, I kept coming back to over and over again was how many decisions in my life in these areas, sexuality, parenting, marriage, we were being chosen, based and made out of fear.

Jen (21:54)
Yeah, makes sense.

Bekah Slider (21:55)
I didn't even know it.

I would have told you, no, like there'd be, there, cause I'm, I'm just, I'm, I'm laid back or I'm a good, like I'm a good person and I like want to be kind to people. And I like, or I want the best for my kids. But even like the kids, so much of it came from an agenda. I had an agenda. didn't, I didn't want to, but the reality is my agenda for my kids was that they knew Jesus and they followed the Bible, right? Like they followed this, so they knew him and they would love him and they would

At least I would see them in heaven. It's an agenda though. It's an agenda that has nothing to do with them and their journey. It's about me wanting them to follow my journey. Why? Because I'm scared if they don't, they'll be in hell.

Jen (22:37)
Yep. So what happened when you had the realization you were married, you had kids? What happened with your family?

Bekah Slider (22:48)
Yeah, so I mean, when I had the realization as far as Christianity and started unraveling, it was rough. My husband at the time, he also began deconstructing, but it was much slower and much different than mine. And so he was actually scared for me. So now I've got like, I'm deconstructing, but like, he's all scared. And then I'm trying to share with my kids, but also trying to protect them from all of the stuff coming up in me, because I'm not trying to like throw that on them.

But I've always been pretty honest with my kids, like as honest as I could possibly be without handing them too much stuff. I've always tried to honest in every area, in sexuality, all the things. And so, yeah, I kind of let them know. And then he continued deconstructing it. And then later, was about a year after that, we sat our kids down and we told them, like, we don't subscribe to... I mean, obviously they knew we stopped going to church, but it was like, now we're both saying we don't...

subscribe to this anymore. think it was Easter several years ago, actually.

Jen (23:52)
anniversary coming.

Bekah Slider (23:54)
Uh-huh. And, ⁓ and we told them, we're like, here's the deal. We're not telling you this so that you should not be a Christian either, or you should, we're like, this isn't about like whatever you should do. We want you to choose your own path and what feels right for you. ⁓ this is, this is where we're both at and we're not even, he, him and I are not even necessarily in the same exact place. But the point is just that, you know, that we're not going to church anymore. Obviously they knew that. And then, ⁓

If they want to go, they can. And I would even drop them off if they wanted to go. And ⁓ this is why we've landed here. I think it was the most ⁓ shock and change over time for the older two, because my youngest is 13. So when it happened, she was like six. So she didn't have as much ⁓ longevity in the church and in Christian beliefs. So for her, even now she talks about it, she's like,

I don't she's seven at the time. She's like, I don't really remember going to church barely at all. Like she has very little memory. Whereas my older two, they have a night and day mother. Like they had two different mothers, completely different mothers. And it's not because my personality is so crazy different. It's because energetically, the way I come at them, the way I talk to them, the way I approach life, the way I the way I live is so wildly different in my opinion, in the best way now. And they can see that they can see that because it's not like

I used to be so much more paranoid about making sure that, you know, just all the typical things that teenagers like, like sex and drugs and late nights and are you going behind my back? Like all the things. And there was so much fear in me. And I really it was wild how much I was able to release that and just trust their journey. And obviously, I'm still going to parent them. I didn't take it personal. I stopped taking things personal. like this isn't even about me. Like this is their like, I just want to be here for them.

When they fuck up, because they're going to fuck up, like it is what it is, we're all humans. I just want to be a safe place for them. They could come to me with anything, anything. It could be crazy. It could be off the wall. They could have committed a crime. They could come to me. None of them have that I know of, but they come to me and know that I was going to love them and not judge them. And I was just going to be there for them. And I wasn't going to try to be like, well, Jesus, this and Jesus, that. And like, there's just no agenda anymore except to just be a safe.

Jen (26:02)
Hahaha

Bekah Slider (26:15)
space for them and to love them unconditionally.

Jen (26:18)
And do you feel that that is the opposite of what you had when you were young?

Bekah Slider (26:24)
100%.

Jen (26:25)
Yeah, yeah, I feel the same way. Like we're breaking free of that generational trauma and giving our children their autonomy, but also their capability to come back to us with love, that they know that they'll have it.

Bekah Slider (26:31)
Yeah, it's wild.

Thank

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And I think they would all say that. Like I've asked them a lot of different questions. I interviewed my oldest daughter on my podcast ⁓ several months ago and it was just like so raw and vulnerable. And you can just hear the energy exchange. It's just like I fully admit like I fucked up as a mom a lot. I think all of us do it like all my kids are going to need therapy. Good God. Like I expect it. I fully expect it. And also

I think it's never too late to make changes in how you show up for your kids, even if they're adults, right? My daughter's about to turn 20 this week. And I think at any point you can make shifts and it matters. It does make a difference and they'll be responsive to that. So yeah, so you had asked about, like, I guess you asked about how the family went. That's how that started.

So it was the parenting first. Alongside the parenting though, at the same time, there was two other things deconstructing and that was my marriage. Not just my marriage, but the way I viewed marriage.

and also my sexuality.

These things no longer. always say, how did you go? Why did you go from pastors to OnlyFans? And I'm like, it wasn't like that. It wasn't like, see a church, I'm gonna go over here and get naked.

Jen (28:03)
Yeah, no, I can't imagine.

Bekah Slider (28:09)
I mean, it sounds like a fun jump, but no, ⁓ it was slow. know that I used to, I wouldn't even wear leggings back in the day. I wore leggings, I had to wear something. This is not a rule. This is like my own thing because of how much I've been programmed in covering up my body. I always wear something that was long enough to cover my butt so that my leggings would not, you my butt wouldn't show in leggings. ⁓ I barely ever wore dresses or skirts.

Again, not because I couldn't, like I didn't feel comfortable, right? I just felt like all the things. So slowly what started happening there, my sexuality was like detaching from shame. This is what the little heartbeat of it was, is I started detaching from shame, all the shame around sexuality, which damn, if you grew up in purity culture, that's all there is is shame. Shame, shame, shame. I remember being 16 years old, I had a purity ring, a save yourself for marriage ring. And that, yeah.

yeah, yeah, And that shit broke and I had already been having sex. So was like, God hates me. Perfect. Like this was like shame, shame, shame. ⁓ So I started deconstructing the sexual side of things. And I was like, wow, I and my husband, he knew I was bisexual because I told him that before he married. But then of course you go to church and your ministry, like, what are you gonna do with that? You know, put that to the side, shut that down. You can't like women. Like that's a sin. So then it was like, I can.

I can like women, actually. Because there's no shame around it. There's no wrong around it, right? And so we kind of started opening up our marriage a little bit and playing with that at the time. So that was cool. It started exposing both of us to more like just like fun and like, ⁓ don't know, just like open mindedness around sexuality that even is taboo in culture, let alone religion. Right. Again, so much stigma around that shit. It's wild, too, because United States is way more like that than other countries.

It really is wild how prude we are around sexuality, around something that's meant to be so fun and we are so literally like as a human meant to have this be, that's part of who we are. So it's crazy.

Jen (30:20)
Yeah, mean, this society

is so sexually negative and body negative. So bringing out your body positivity, your sexual positivity, it's, I can imagine, so freeing when you understand that the rules don't apply for you anymore.

Bekah Slider (30:28)
Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah,

right. And so what again, what it kept coming back to is what feels like integrity to me, to my soul. Right. And this is even when I work with my clients, like this is the biggest thing. It's like you can't tell someone else what their journey should look like, but you can help them learn to listen to their deep wisdom and knowing and they'll know your body speaks like it will tell you like, doesn't feel in alignment with me like or this this feels good. Right. And so

It was letting myself have permission to start exploring different things. ⁓ And then again, my husband at the time, we did it together and it was a lot of fun. However, that ended up being kind of like a bandaid, a longer term bandaid for what was also going on internally with me toward my husband, which was this, ⁓ this like, this, how to explain it. It was just like this continual sense that I don't want to be married.

I don't want to be married, not to him and not to anyone ever again, actually. ⁓ And so about three years before, three years, well, no, about two years before I told him I wanted a divorce, I sat him down and I just told him, like, I want you to know I've been thinking about not being married anymore. And not because I have anyone, like I don't have someone I want beside you. I literally just don't want to be with anyone. I want to be alone.

I don't know if this is just a phase. I don't know what's going on. So like, I just want to be honest with you. So of course he was sad and also like, it was just kind of a conversation that every six months we had and I just, I kept coming back to, I don't think so, but also I'm not sure. And I feel crazy because by society standards and especially by the church, you like, you're going to be judged for this. You're making a decision to like tear apart your family and like,

Why? He's a good man. And yet there were things, if I'm being completely honest, about him though, that were actually kind of fucked up. And I never was able to be like, no, this is actually emotional abuse. Because what happens is when you are actually like strongly abused, like in my childhood and then with that narcissistic crazy person I dated for two years, you are so apt to and so likely to...

overlook things that are much more watered down and minute because it's like, this is nothing compared to that shit. That shit was so odd. And so there was a lot of sneaky, passive aggressive, manipulative behavior that I put up with for a long time. And I say, honestly, I enabled, right? I enabled it because I'm so laid back. just like, I just don't have a deal. Let's just do this. Let's just do this.

And even after talking more about it with him, like nothing was really changing. The patterns just continued. The patterns just continued. And so there was that part of it that was like, this is fucked up. And then there was the other part of it, which was like, my soul was like, I don't want to be in a marriage. I've been married since I was 21 years old. I don't want, I don't want to be married. I've been married 21 years. Like I don't do this. And why is it wrong?

Jen (33:49)
Mm-hmm.

Bekah Slider (33:59)
Why is it wrong for me to decide that for myself? Why is there stigma around it in religion and culture? Why? Why? And I am so sick. Like I've already walked away from the church and ministry and religion. already was like, here we are, world. Judge me, mainly the church. And now I'm like, okay, what do I have to lose? Like now don't get me wrong. I'm considering my kids as well. So it's not that. And I know I'm breaking his heart.

But I'm talking about like when you think about the judgment from everyone else, was like, I can't even take that. I can't even take that into consideration. So now it's about my kids. And I had to get real honest here. I was like, okay.

What do I really want for my kids? Okay, I want my kids to be true to them.

And what does that mean for me if I'm gonna model that?

Jen (34:54)
Yeah.

Bekah Slider (34:56)
And that's

when the decision was made.

Jen (34:59)
we didn't grow up with boundaries. Religion doesn't allow boundaries. Abuse doesn't allow for them. So how can you possibly put up boundaries when, like you said, you got married at 21 years old. You were in the ministry. You went by the rule of the religious law. And there is no place for boundaries in that group, in that network that you're in.

hearing that you started to listen to your intuition and start to understand that you deserve more is really inspiring.

Bekah Slider (35:37)
Hmm. Yeah.

Thank you. Yeah. It's hard. It's really hard too, because the, there's a cost. ⁓ there's a, there's a cost for either side, no matter what, but the cost often that we're living, which is like, we're not being true to ourselves, right? That's the cost. we end up with the number one regret of the dying, a living a life, not true to ourselves. That cost, unfortunately people are so familiar with.

that even though it sucks and even though there's a regret on their deathbed, they're so familiar with it, it's easier to just continue in counting that cost than it is to count the other cost and walk toward that, which is again, loss and grief and heartache, right? It wasn't easy for my kids. And also because we weren't, you know, fighting and screaming at each other, it wasn't super traumatic either, but it's still hard. It wasn't easy.

for him in the sense that like he still wanted to be with me and I was breaking his heart. But the reality was he still.

She still wanted to be with a version of me that no longer existed.

Jen (36:45)
There, right there.

Bekah Slider (36:46)
And I couldn't be that for him anymore. And I didn't want to be that anymore. And it felt like dying to stay. felt like a slow fucking suicide to stay. And so that cost wasn't worth it to me anymore. So the cost of...

knowing I was gonna hurt people I love, but be true to me and long-term be modeling to my children who are literally my heart walking outside my body. Modeling to them what it looks like to stay in integrity with your own soul, even at the cost of something good in order to stay aligned with something great.

Jen (37:31)
That's beautiful.

Bekah Slider (37:33)
Thank you.

Jen (37:34)
Yeah. So what started you down the road of being a confidence coach?

Bekah Slider (37:41)
Yeah, so confidence coaching, started out as life coach, more of a life coach, I went, as soon as I got out of the church, it was like another year later after I deconstructed, because I needed to go through that, I got into coaching, meaning I was getting coached. So I got into coaching, I started getting coached and I was like, shit, my background's in counseling. Like when I went to school, it was more for counseling. So ⁓ I realized coaching is way more my jam.

Counseling is a bit heavy. It's more like therapy, right? Where you're dealing with a lot of really heavy shit. And it's not that I don't deal with heavy shit in coaching, but it's not anywhere to the degree. Typically, people who are coming to me to get coached in coaching, they've already done some therapy, right? Like they got some therapy. they're at a decent place. They're aware of their thoughts. They're aware of some things going on. They're like, I want to up level. So started out life coaching. I got coached for about six months and I was like, I need to know how do I get into this? How do I do this? Because I'm wired for this. Like this is literally...

this comes out my pores, I would do this for free. And I know I've been doing it for years already without knowing what to call it, to call it coaching. And so I got that under my belt. I started my own business, I started coaching. And then it's just taken off from there and developed. I ended up attracting typically almost always entrepreneurs. And the biggest thing they battle is confidence, right? Like it's like, I just need more confidence to believe this or to believe that or to walk in this or to take action here.

And so I'm like, you know, I really lean more toward like, this is the main thing I'm pushing. So I do call myself a confidence coach. The reality is that I deal with all aspects of their life because they all filter in, right? They're all like part of the same. They're one tree. So, um, but I have, I absolutely love it. It is the most fulfilling thing. Literally after being a mom, coaching is the most fulfilling thing. And then speaking was kind of like a, you know, I speaking in the church cause I was preaching and then it just kind of like, I got out and it was like, well, I love speaking. So I'll just keep speaking.

I keep that on the back burner. don't promote that as much. ⁓ That's something I think for 2026 that I'll be pushing a lot more. But yeah, that's what led me into that. But those are like the two main things I do. It's so funny, people were like, you do OnlyFans. Like they think literally OnlyFans is my only job. And I'm like, no, I've only been doing OnlyFans six months. As of right now, six months. Like it's brand new compared to where, you when I got out of the church and all that. And that.

You know, I told you I deconstructed sexuality, right? Well, here's the thing about me. I am wildly sexual. I love sex. I love sexuality. I love sexual expression. And also, I'm really not having barely any sex at all. And I don't want to just go out and have sex with anybody. Of course, we could all do that, especially as women. And also, it's very unfulfilling to me. And I feel it's usually shitty. like I'd rather have sex with myself than have sex with...

Jen (40:23)
Yeah, I agree.

Bekah Slider (40:27)
Like that just not worth it. So, oh God, we've all had bad sex. know. So I started about a year, well, a year and a half ago, it was about a year before I OnlyFans. I started toying with this idea because I had one friend, one friend I know in person who does OnlyFans. I started, like, oh, sounds like kind of fun. Like I have an exhibitionist kink, you know, I'm like, oh, it's kind of fun. But since I really truly was considering it,

Jen (40:29)
Yeah, 100%.

⁓ yeah.

Bekah Slider (40:54)
I took like an entire year to consider it and to really break down like, okay, if I do this, what are the repercussions? If I do this, how am I going to do it anonymously, full out? If I do this, like what insecurities are going to come up for me? If I do this, what judgments are going to be? If I do this, does it like, how does it affect my work? Like I really wrestled with it because to me it wasn't something to take lightly, especially because of the stigma, not just again, religion, but culturally speaking. So the more that I went through that, I was like, okay.

I want to do this. And if I do it, I'm not going to do it quietly, meaning I wasn't going to constantly post. My point is I was not going to be anonymous. I was not going to hide it because I didn't want somebody finding out and it being like, my God, my secret's out. I don't like that feeling. Also, I value authenticity so much. And then the other part of it for me was I am so sick of this narrative in our culture that says sexual women, women who are sexually expressive cannot be respected or shouldn't be respected or sexually expressive women like

shouldn't be in places of leadership or influence. It's like, this is bullshit. These are pillars that I want to dismantle. And obviously as one person, I won't. But there is an uprising of women who are putting the middle finger up to all of these stigmas. And we're like, fuck you very much. Like we are ready to do. And this doesn't mean every woman is called to do OnlyFans or to be like, expressing themselves sexually in the way that I do. This it's just the it's just the ability to do what you want with your body.

and to be respected at the same time. And that doesn't mean the whole world will. That's not the point. The point is we're tearing down the narrative that says we can't. So I told all my kids, all my kids know. I announced it basically on social media, the amount, mean, hundreds, of unfollows, hundreds in a day, hundreds.

Jen (42:42)
Really? Well, I guess

it's the stigma.

Bekah Slider (42:47)
Yeah, because even the people who were like, ⁓ like, she's not at church anymore. Let's pray for her. They're like, I'm sure some of them were like, she has sold her soul to the devil. I don't know. Yeah. Well, and just in general, you know, it's considered sex work. And so that has such a stigma around it, the porn industry, all of that. So I like I can understand and I don't even judge me if they want to unfollow me. I don't have a problem with that. I respect that.

Jen (42:54)
Horrified.

my god, I can only imagine.

Bekah Slider (43:17)
For me, it became my sexual playground. Basically, I'm a solo creator, so I don't actually collab with other people on there. It's not like me having sex with other people. Like I said, don't have much sex at all. I wish I did. I wish I had more. It's just me. It's me doing fun stuff. What I didn't expect, although I wanted it, but I didn't expect it, was how many men in the DMs I've connected with on a soul level. So many men.

are chronically lonely and also really just desperate for connection and a sense of belonging. So yeah, there's the sexy side. They're like, oh, this is fun and all that. And also, I talk to these people. Like I do voice calls with these people. I do live streams. I'm like on my live streams, I'm straight up coaching for like 30 minutes straight, encouraging, inspiring these people. I've got men in my DMs like, can I ask you some advice? Like I have a guy who just started coaching with me out of OnlyFans. Like he's like,

Jen (44:15)
Wow.

Bekah Slider (44:15)
Is this awkward? Is this a conflict of interest? like, and he was a perfect fit for me. He's an entrepreneur. He's already done therapy. He's at a place where he's like ready to go. I'm loving coaching him. I'm just like, this it's so the sexy playground thing. That's why I got into it. And of course there's the monetary benefit, which is great, but like it has to be playground fun for me. Otherwise I don't give a shit about the money. It becomes a burden. That's a nice sexual expression and like outlet for me to do that with. But then like,

There's this sense of fulfillment I get because I'm actually like truly helping people on like a deep level. And I didn't expect that to be happening. It's just like, it's beautiful. It's been fantastic.

Jen (44:54)
What's so interesting is that sex work has been therapy forever. Sex workers have always been there to listen. And I mean, can't imagine how many sex workers have said, know, he hired me or whatever for this period of time and we didn't touch, we talked.

Bekah Slider (45:00)
Mmm.

Yep. Yep.

Jen (45:19)
So

it's that space for men who don't feel like they either deserve therapy or that they should be in therapy to allow them to speak and be heard. And I think that's very powerful.

Bekah Slider (45:28)
Mmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I did too. It's beautiful. It feels like a privilege to me, honestly. It really does. It's been such a gift. Yeah.

Jen (45:41)
I can imagine. Yeah.

Wow. So when you start coaching, how do you start? Do you start differently with different people, men, women, based on if they're an entrepreneur or they're in another career?

Bekah Slider (45:58)
I usually start all the same for the most part. It's really getting the backdrop of like where they're at. What actually is the crux? What do they think the problem is? Right? What do they think the problem is? What really is the problem? How long have I been trying to fix the problem? Why do they think what they have done hasn't worked? What are all the things that they've done? You know, and kind of getting like, you kind of want to get a lay of the land. Oftentimes it's going to go back to some inner child narratives for sure.

But different people do need different things to your point. So some people are really in need more of some somatic work first, because the reality is that if we're just working on the mind and we're not working on the body at all, we're not working on the nervous system, you can't change your mind enough if your body's not on board to feel that it's safe. You could be like, yeah, I believe I'm abundant and I make this much money a year. And if your body stores it being unsafe to make a lot of money.

You will not make a lot of money, even though you're trying to like tell yourself you will, because your body's like, no, I remember why it's not safe to make money. I saw my parents make a bunch of money and then I lost all the money. We were bankrupt and then we were on the streets. Like your body held that. So somatic work is so, so important. So I do a lot of somatic work. figure out do people need to start? Some people need to start right into somatic. They're literally not even right. Like there's no point in going into the mindset. Some people it's the mindset a little bit first and then moving into somatic. ⁓ But I love

I have a lot of different, I do a lot of different modalities. I have a lot of different exercises, a lot of different homework tools because, and they're all like micro things because in the beginning when I was coaching, one, it was more mindset, not so much somatic. Two, I would be like, ⁓ fire hose, like, here it all is and ⁓ here's 20,000 things to do, do it all. And they're overwhelmed, right? They're overwhelmed. And the truth is that when I,

Jen (47:42)
Was that what?

Bekah Slider (47:47)
When I came to like looking at how I grew and how much transformations happened for me and the things that work the best for me, it's always the baby steps. It's always the things that I feel like I don't even know if it's really doing much for me. But it was easy to get on board with and I was able to be consistent with it because it was smaller. Those were the things that were the most powerful to create change long term. And so it's really getting back to figuring out how is the person wired? How do they learn best? How do they operate best? What do they hate? Maybe they're like, I don't ever want a journal a day in my life.

I will not be telling them to journal, right? Like it's very fluid and it's very much a custom fit for the person because there's no one size fits all when it comes to personal development. And I really believe personal development needs to feel more like a fucking party than it does like this like to do. Nobody wants another to do. People want fun. People want joy, lightheartedness, like bring back the laughter, bring back the...

like the goofiness and can we just not take it so damn serious? Like this is our journey. We get to evolve. We get to grow. Like this is the best part right now. It's the best part. This day we're alive. It's the best part.

Jen (48:55)
Well, if you have a purpose and a passion, then it should automatically be great. It should feel good. And piling on things that are moving away from that purpose and passion isn't going to fulfill anyone.

Bekah Slider (49:00)
Mm-hmm. Yes.

No, not at all. that is, that's so important to remember what you just said, because the joy, especially with entrepreneurs, the joy is where it starts, right? It always starts with joy. Like, why did you get into that? because I love this. Very, very few entrepreneurs, there probably are some, very few are like, well, I don't know, it's just, I can make a lot of money. So that's why I'm doing it. Like, I don't actually like it. Most entrepreneurs start it because of a passion, because of like, and it was fun for them. And in the beginning, even though they weren't making any money, they were still like, this is fun. And at some point,

this pressure and this striving came and they lost the joy, right? And the fun and the excitement and the why is just the wayside. And now it's like, all they're thinking about is, how do I make money? How do I do it right? I'm not doing it good enough. It's not happening for me. What do I need to do to change? All the joy's gone. And what's the fucking point then? Yeah. No.

Jen (50:00)
really isn't. It

just becomes work.

Bekah Slider (50:04)
Yeah, it becomes just work. Yeah, no passion anymore. And you end up losing your sense of fulfillment too, because that comes from the passion. Yeah.

Jen (50:10)
Yeah.

Yeah. And I think that's why there are so many successful entrepreneurs out there, because they know when to stop and say, OK, I'm done with this. I can give this to someone else so that they can feel their purpose and passion with it. And I'll start a new purpose and passion. Right?

Bekah Slider (50:17)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yep, absolutely,

absolutely. And even just giving ourselves permission to pivot so important in entrepreneurship, because sometimes it can be just like that. It's like, okay, I'm handing this off. And other times it's like, ⁓ I've been doing this. And it's like, I want to make like a 45 degree change. but I'm scared because people know me for this. like, what are they going to, are they going to? And it's like, man, if your soul is like, this feels good. This feels like, this feels like the next thing. Do it.

Do it, move, trust, right? It's like leaning into that surrender. It's all working. It's this or something better. I'm deciding, I'm deciding, I'm deciding. That's it. Like it's gonna happen. And I don't have to know the how. The how is not my, that's not my part. That's not my responsibility. My job is to get back into the joy, get back into the fun, to trust, and to take action from a place of alignment, from a place of inspiration every day. You can't just sit on your ass and be like, it's gonna happen. No. But you don't take action from, make money, gotta make money. You take action from like,

What would be fun today? What feels good? What do I feel inspired to do or say? That's the action that makes a difference. That's the action that compounds and actually brings everything into your reality.

Jen (51:34)
Yeah, you sound like an amazing person to work with. ⁓ Like I said, you're such an incredible, bright spot in this world. And I appreciate all that you do and what you bring to the world. So where do we find you?

Bekah Slider (51:37)
Thank you. I appreciate that.

day.

Thank you.

Yeah, you can find me on social media, Facebook and Instagram. My name spelled just as it is here. I don't think there's anybody else with that exact name. If there is, they're probably fake. I'm in a red dress currently and my profile picture, that should help. And then you can also email me at hello at Rebecca slider.com. So just add an R E to the B E. Hello at Rebecca slider.com. Yeah, that those are the easiest ways to get a hold of me for sure.

Jen (52:06)
Hahahaha

What?

that's great. And I will have all of that in the show notes. Thank you for coming on the show and giving such amazing wisdom to the listeners.

Bekah Slider (52:29)
Thanks, I appreciate that.

Thank you. I appreciate you having me and allowing me to share. It means a lot.

Jen (52:41)
Thanks.

When Not Yet Becomes Right Now (52:45)
Thank you for joining us for this episode of the podcast. This show is produced by Phoenix Freed LLC and I'm your producer, Jen Ginty. We hope you found today's conversation inspiring. Thank you for joining us for this episode of the podcast. This show is produced by Phoenix Freed LLC and I'm your producer, Jen Ginty. We hope you found today's conversation insightful and inspiring. If you have a story of your own about when a not yet moment became right now,

We encourage you to reach out and share it. You can find more information about being a guest on our show at whennotyetbecomesrightnow.com. Remember, you are not alone on your journey, whether it's a journey of healing, growth, or transformation. Every story matters. Thank you for listening, and we'll catch you next time with another inspiring episode.