Transforming Pain into Power and Light with Andy Grant

When Not Yet Becomes Right Now (00:00)
Welcome to When Not Yet Becomes Right Now, the podcast where we dive deep into the moments of transformation, the times when not yet shifts into right now and everything changes. I'm your host, Jen Ginty and this podcast is all about those pivotal moments in our life journeys. You know the ones when the hesitation fades, when we take that first step, even if it feels like a leap. It's in these moments that growth and healing begins. Each episode will explore stories of resilience,

moments of clarity, and the sparks that ignite real change. From personal experiences to expert insights, we'll uncover how people navigate the complex journey we call life and come out stronger on the other side. Whether you're searching for that spark in your own life or just curious about how change unfolds for others, you're in the right place. We'll discuss the ups and downs, the breakthroughs and setbacks, and how to embrace the right now, even when it feels out of reach. Because sometimes,

The hardest part of the journey is realizing that the moment you've been waiting for has already arrived. So take a deep breath, settle in, and let's get started.

When Not Yet Becomes Right Now (01:11)
trigger warning. This episode includes discussions of suicide attempts, suicidality, and child sexual abuse. These topics can be deeply distressing, so please listen with care and prioritize your well-being. If you need support, consider reaching out to a trusted friend, therapist, or crisis resource such as the 988 hotline. You are not alone.

Jen (01:37)
Hello and welcome to When Not Yet Becomes Right Now. I have a fabulous guest on today, my friend, I met him through New England podcasters and he's an award-winning podcaster. The name of his show is Real Men Feel and I'm gonna introduce him. So Andy Grant is a best-selling author, award-winning speaker, and transformational energy coach dedicated to helping others find their light.

As a suicide prevention activist, founder of Real Men Feel, Andy encourages men to break free from emotional isolation. With certifications in positive psychology, Akashic Records, Reiki, and more, he blends energy healing with personal growth. A survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Andy's mission is to show people that life is meant to be magnificent. So we are going to explore resilience, healing, and the...

Power of emotional authenticity today with Andy. Welcome.

Andy Grant (02:39)
I'm so excited to be here, Jen look forward to this for a while. Ever since you announced this podcast and into existence, I'm like, I can't wait to be on this.

Jen (02:48)
I'm so excited. Let's jump into it. What is your origin story?

Andy Grant (02:54)
I really wish I had some cool game array lab experiment thing and you perhaps in the cosmic sense, there is a lab experiment aspect to this, but yeah, so I'm gonna really start at the beginning. My parents were high school sweethearts. My mom got pregnant in college, so they got married. They only lasted like four or five years together. I have no memories of a family. First thing I remember is...

You know, my dad and police at the door and it was always, it was a very acrimonious divorce. I was an only child. And so at the same time, my dad has been removed from the house and it involved police and lawyers and it was pretty ugly. Next door neighbor started molesting me. And I thought at the, I think I was five or six years old, that if I told anyone, I'd be the next man kicked out of the house.

So from an early age, I decided that the world wasn't safe. I couldn't trust people, especially men. And my dad would often talk about how high school were the best years of his life. And as an adult looking back, he was 21 years old saying that. Like that's, yeah, that's all he had. But so I grew up thinking that like, well, why would anyone live beyond the best years? Again, so I can clearly remember fourth grade, fifth grade as.

I don't know why, but people in school started talking about how they would want to die, or I would never want to drown, or things like that. And I didn't share it, but in my head I'm like, I'm gonna die by my own hand. I will die before I graduate high school. Now of course, with that mindset, depression and pessimism and apathy was all there, so I didn't make it to high school before I first tried to kill myself. And I believed that I was so broken.

just so flawed. I never tried to get help. I just tried to die. And as early as 12, 13, 14, 17, 18, and then finally at age 19, I had attempted to kill myself using a means that already had not worked. But I tried that again. And I just started, I remember just when I realized it's still not working and I'm just, but like, I don't know how to live. I don't know how to die.

I'm just such a mess. can't get anything right. And it was really probably the first time I wasn't raised with any sort of religion or spirituality or anything. But I might have the first time I was really like pleading to whatever a god might exist to just to help me. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. And I'm desperate. And I'm obviously like I'm something's making me stick around here. And I don't know what to do with that. And for the first time, I had this other voice, this other presence. Something else was there.

because my normal voice was like, you suck, kill yourself, you can't even do that, right? So this was a much softer, gentle voice, and it told me that if I shared my story, it would all be worth it. Now all of them, my parents loved me all the time, they had tried getting me, I saw a child psychologist at age 12, I'd been put on meds at 15 and 16, but I never shared, I shared enough to play the game. was, you know.

I told any counselor enough to give them, such progress. like, was just, I just playing the game. But finally, after that message was the first time I went into a hospital willing to open up about everything. And that was the first time that I had the conscious memories of the molestation. hadn't, I had blocked all that out. So I remember thinking when I, when that happened, I was like, everything's fine now. Like, I know the root cause. I'm going to be like, it just.

It didn't work like that. There weren't any attempts through college when I finally went to college. I had two years of just bombing around and trying to off myself between high school and college. I finally went to college and again, I would make plans and have, well, before graduation, I'll come here and I'll enjoy stuff, but then I'll kill myself still. And that was kind of this thinking that became my default mechanism.

I can remember like getting a flat tire and my first response was like, I'm gonna fricking jump into traffic and get rid of this. I'm just like, everything was too much. Like I had so many final straws. It was ridiculous.

Jen (07:22)
You know, I keep nodding my head because we have such similar stories. It's amazing, you know, like we're parallel in our journeys, it feels like.

Andy Grant (07:35)
Yeah, and unfortunately I hear that from lot of people. you know, so, because I find that the best way to prevent suicide is to talk about suicide. When I was a kid, the only time I met anyone else talking about wanting to die was in a mental hospital. So that just made it seem even more crazy and foreign and wrong. But it's not. It's very rare. Like, I've met maybe three or four people in my life that claim to have never had a suicidal thought.

And when I meet people that, especially parents that lost a child to suicide, they'll often be struggling with it, trying to understand it. And I always tell them, don't, if you can't understand why he died, celebrate that. Don't try to get in there. But again, in my experience, and I'm careful to say now that I believed I wanted to die, but it's really that, and I convinced myself that people would be better off with me gone.

My dad would often, my dad in his attempts to tell me how much he loved me would say like, he wanted to go to Woodstock, but I was born so he didn't. And he wanted to be an outlaw biker, but he couldn't because I was there. And it was all to like, he didn't do all these other crazy things because he loved me so much. But what I took was, I've destroyed my dad's dreams. And again, this burden, this, again, this broken, unlovable, unfixable mess of a person.

And I finally, actually when I met my wife and got married and was really trying to right the ship for good and very into personal growth and energy work and all these things. Because people would always tell me that, Andy, the suicidal stuff, it's not even you. It's not even your energy. It's other things. I'm like, great. What the hell does that mean? Like I was not raised with that stuff.

My grandfather and great grandmother both died by suicide. Wow. So I really, felt like Lieutenant Dan in Forrest Gump. That it's my destiny. I really thought those thoughts came back because I'm supposed to act on them. And I'm very glad that I was wrong. Yeah. But I grew up, my real view is life sucks, then you die. Yeah. That was it. I look forward to nothing. And that's that's why, you know, I recently just got back from Africa where I bungee jumped.

Jen (09:50)
I am too!

Andy Grant (10:03)
And I would visit this place on top of Victoria Falls, the largest waterfall in the world called Devil's Pool. We could just sit right at the edge. it was the scariest thing I've ever done. But there's such this weird, I've stood on buildings wanting to jump to my death and something didn't let me do it. And it's so different when I'm standing on the edge of this bridge in Africa, 111 meters from the bottom of a gorge. There's just like, I felt safe.

And this is just fun. It's such a weird, different thing. I don't know if growing up suicidal makes me more fearless than the average person. Because yeah, I don't fear death. I don't want to mess it up. And that's what kept me from lots of suicidal plans. And I wouldn't take actions because I didn't want to injure myself. Again, I believe I wanted to die, but I definitely did not want to harm myself and make things worse.

That kept me on the straight and narrow for many years at times. But I know I'm bouncing all over the place. So in 2009, I followed this guy named David Morelli online and he did a guided meditation and it was all about welcoming energy and pouring gold into you and through your body. And I felt energy coming out. I felt like Iron Man, like shooting lasers. like, what is this? This is not a meditation. I thought a meditation meant, mm, nothing.

Jen (11:29)
Right!

Andy Grant (11:31)
So this was a very different thing and I just knew that whenever this guy teaches whatever he's doing, I'm doing this. And so two years later, he taught a year long energy coaching program and the first half it was all just clearing out other people's energies, getting everything out of your own system and getting to be your true self. And that's why I did it. I didn't even realize it was a coaching program. I just went into like this self help program. But halfway through that, I'm finding out that other participants are like,

fighting to work with me and team up with me. The word is spreading that I'm really like good at this. And, and that's what started the, the being of service to people and, and the, but being taught to read energy means I can tune in and someone might tell their story and I could just, no, here's the root is over here. You can stop talking. The energy is right here. Let's just remove that from your space. Right. so everything I do now with people is it's truly something I learned to save my life. And

Along the way, I tried a lot of things that didn't work. For a year, I was a card carrying Scientologist in Boston because they were, I so wanted to feel normal and I thought normal people were like always happy. I thought like Ned Flanders was a typical like just wokey dokey and everything's great. I thought that was reality and it's not.

Jen (12:57)
No.

Andy Grant (12:59)
So reality is always gonna be an emotional roller coaster, but as I use the tools that I've learned and as I'm of service in helping other people, my highs get higher and my lows are higher. So my worst day this year is better than my best day 20 years ago.

Jen (13:20)
Yeah, yeah, that's healing. Yeah.

Andy Grant (13:25)
And it used to piss me off that it doesn't stop. can I be done? There's more? And now I get it, like, oh good, there's more. Because that means there's still a point to be here. Yeah, when people complain about, I have to keep doing this, like it shouldn't be, I've done all the work. And if that was true, you'd be gone.

Jen (13:39)
Right.

Right. Yeah. I tell people, you know, they'll ask me, where are you in your healing journey? And I'll say in the middle and 10 years from now, I'll say in the middle. It's that's just what healing is, especially from what we've been through. Our complex PTSD changed our brains, changed our body chemistry. We live that trauma every day. So.

Healing isn't just a like one and done for us.

Andy Grant (14:19)
Yeah, and that used to piss me off so much. But again, it's it's one of the things I'm, you know, I used to think being right was the most important thing, but I'll take happiness over being right all the time. So I love this guy, oh, I was wrong about that. Oh, that belief was total bullshit. Great, right? It's freeing. But I remember the first time I ever did holotropic breath work in this big.

ballroom of like 200 people and I didn't even know what it was called. I was at this week-long meditation retreat. The first thing I ever had gone to, it was 2006. It was with CenterPoint. They make Holosync, which is how I used to learn to meditate. just put on these, you know, it's audio technology that just makes your brain vibrate at meditation.

Jen (15:02)
Ooh, that sounds interesting. Yeah.

Andy Grant (15:04)
Like I've got a lot out of that. So this holotropic breath work, you take in a lot of, you breathe fast and without pause. And it puts you into an altered state. for the first time, I mourned that I had survived multiple murder attempts. Wow. listen, I remember.

feeling like so high and just like soaring. was almost like a stereotypical acid trip. Running through the sky and I feel like I'm in a Pink Floyd video or something. And then I'd hear other people in the room start howling and crying and wailing. And someone had warned me, it'll sound like a mental asylum at times. And I remember them saying that and then I started bawling. Because I know what a mental asylum sounds like. And so I was going like that.

cycling, through these highs of what an amazing experience, I'm so glad to be alive, to like, my God, I tried to throw this away. So this went on for three hours. When it finally ends, I did want, I was, they made me open my eyes and I was like the last person in the room, because I didn't want to leave this magical place that I had never experienced. But I came out of that, I wrote letters of apology to my mother, to my father, and to myself.

and I sent all three of us a bouquet of roses as an apology for all the pain I had put everybody through. And it was kind of the first time, again, I said I mourned the experience and I took responsibility for it. That's another thing I used to just be terrified of responsibility because I thought that meant blame. But only when I take responsibility for my life can I improve it.

Jen (16:49)
Right. So, let's go back a little bit. this has come up a lot in the episodes that I've been doing this discussion of our mental health and how we, we don't really allow ourselves to be open about that to others. And, you know, it's a societal thing. One of the things that I've found

is that a lot of people are like, thank you for talking about going inpatient, going into the hospital and doing the work that you needed to do because so many people are so afraid of going inpatient. And yeah, it can be scary, but it also is very, I would say, uplifting in the sense that I don't fear where I'm at and what I might do.

Andy Grant (17:44)
Yeah, I was like 23 years old and it was the first time I put myself into a mental hospital without making an attempt on my life. I was like, because I, every time I made an attempt on my life, things got better. And I had this weird connection that that's how it works. I write, I feel, well, I've got to do something bad and then good things will happen. so I, I remember, it was such a...

felt like such a doofus saying it, but I felt like an adult. Like, I'm taking care of myself. And I went to the emergency room, said I really was struggling with suicidal. And they just, as insurance has changed, they hit me for three days and then sent me back to exact, no circumstances changed in those three days. But at least the pressure was really off. Again, I find that telling someone my plans, my thoughts,

and they don't run away is often all all in ease. That is the diffusion. That's the release that I've needed. Because I always thought if people knew how I really felt, how dark I was inside, nobody would want to be around me.

Jen (18:53)
Yeah, I understand that feeling.

Andy Grant (18:57)
And it was in high school. I made an attempt, a senior year in high school, and, because I was terrified. I mean, I'd always thought I would die before graduation and class rankings came out. And we had a class of like 320 and I was ranked third in my class. And I was like, fuck, like this is ridiculous. I'm not trying. I'm like, this is bananas. And so I thought, I'm just an idiot in a sea of bigger idiots.

So I really, tried to flunk and tried to stay back. And then so then I made the attempt and I was gone for like six weeks. And even when I came back, I just didn't go to school. I didn't give a crap. But every teacher kept giving me A's because they knew if I was there, that's what I'd get, except this one teacher that gave me D's. And I had so much more respect for him, but I never told him that. I like, I'm standing up for that. But it was, and again, the stigma of being impatient.

I remember waking up in the hospital. I'd been in like a coma for like two days and I woke up and the first nurse I saw was a mother of two of my friends in school. And I felt like, fuck, everyone's gonna know I failed. So I was more suicidal. I meet people that made one attempt in their life, didn't work and it's like, my God, I see the light. I had this great experience. I don't need to do anything. And that has just never.

But unfortunately, never been my path. Yeah. So I ended up being transferred to McLean's Hospital outside of Boston at the time. I don't know if it's still supposed to be the world's best. Yeah. They were legit Saudi princes there with me. I met and hearing about, yeah, one guy was from Kuwait. One the things I've never heard of before. was all before, you know, Gulf War and stuff like that. But I had a really bad experience with medication.

Jen (20:27)
No, me neither.

Yes.

Andy Grant (20:54)
so bad that they told my parents, a friend must have smuggled in street drugs to me. As an adult, I got the records and in all the records it says toxic reaction to the things they gave me. I, know, people get the shakes with lithium sometimes. I had full body tremors. I was out for a walk and my legs stopped working and I would just, people had to carry me back. And then that night I had full tactile hallucinations.

of spiders walking up me. like, I see it, I feel it. I know it's not real. And people just stayed up with me all night as I like described all the things I was seeing and they gave me all sorts of neurological tests. Never came back to an answer with us. So my parents finally agreed. we, I again, I left against medical advice because just the support I was getting was not helping me. So yeah, I know some people and I, know, if meds work for you, great, but I've just had bad experiences with them. I'm not on anything now. I've been...

on antidepressants at times through my adult life. And often just to give me that, give me a new ceiling or a new floor rather. And then they work. can feel them, right? Yeah. But yeah, I was sure that life was over. I was sure that everybody in school was talking about me. I recently met someone I hadn't seen since high school last month and she had no memory.

of me attempting things in my life, it was just so lit. I'm like, wow, like I think we all assume other people are judging us, but everybody is judging themselves so much, they really don't notice other people that much.

Jen (22:33)
No, no, no. It's interesting, you know, going on Facebook and getting reintroduced to people that I knew back in high school. And when I started to post about my own circumstances, about my life, I got so many people saying I had no clue. And I had had the same thing where I would have an attempt and then I'd be away at McLean Hospital and throughout these throughout high school and nobody

noticed. I mean, my friends did, of course, they came visit me, that kind of thing they knew, but nobody else noticed.

Andy Grant (23:11)
Yeah, it's where we can be such a big deal in our minds for good and ill, but yeah, but that's also, people not noticing, that's kind of what fueled my attempts. Like, yeah, sure, the people that know me, you'll be upset for a few days, but then it's just like I moved. Like, I really believe people would be better off, my parents would be worried about me, friends wouldn't be concerned if I disappear for time.

of my wife's best friend, I mean one of my best friends and then she tried to set us up. So we were set up on a blind date but it wasn't even a date, it was just a meeting. And my wife was told that he's a sensitive guy, he's a really nice guy. And I hate that. Like I can call myself sensitive but if I hear from someone else it sounds like a put down still.

Jen (24:01)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Man, you know, it's, it's so interesting how when we're stuck in that mindset of people will be better off without me, you know, I did the same thing throughout. during my high school years, I was also putting my abuser in prison. So I was going through this, you know, court.

system and being re-traumatized over and over and over again. And that mindset really comes in. I used to say to myself, I'll never make it past 15. I'll never make it past 18. I'll never make it past 25. And just kept going once the birthday hit, I'd be like, well, I won't make it past 25. So it just keeps going. And it really does set us into this thought process that we just don't.

really matter to the rest of the world.

Andy Grant (24:57)
Yeah. And, you know, as I've gotten more into spirituality and energy work, I've done things like taking myself, well, one thing, I'll share this because I don't recommend it. you know, there was a big time of like, you couldn't trust childhood memories and, you know, lots of things just made up. So when I was 30, I went to a hypnotist to hypnotize me back to being five and six to see if I was actually molested. And that was horrible. Like there were more, like it took.

You know, one, two, three, I was not back. Like she had to cancel her next appointment and keep working with me to get me like, I am not here. No, I'm I'm still there. All I can see is that guy. like this is give me the hook out of here. But so don't do that. But

Jen (25:42)
Yeah.

Andy Grant (25:43)
Yeah,

again, we're you know, we're there are so many mixed messages out there to you can't that don't trust memories and things are made up and but It almost doesn't matter What really happened? It's it's the wound that we carry. It's the label that we each decide But I don't think anyone can go everybody's traumatized it's all varying degrees little tease big tease, right, but

It's more, what do we decide that trauma meant? Like, I didn't think I had depression, I thought I was depression. periods of joy, and when I was happy, I thought that was the lie, that was the illusion. So again, glad to be wrong about that. You know, life is meant to be magnificent, life is meant to be joyous.

It was really a big key for me was when I finally got that I was more than just this meat suit. I wasn't just a random collection of bad chemicals, which is what the first psychiatrist I ever talked to said. And he gave me like no hope. He was like, oh, you're bad brain chemistry. Take these pills. Good luck. I was like, the fuck is that gonna do? Yeah. But I've also, when I was willing and wanting to get help, I've met some great people.

Jen (26:57)
Yeah, it's awful.

Andy Grant (27:08)
I used to always, I always counted the suicide attempts that ended up with me in a hospital, that those were all I considered were my attempts. And I think that's five or six. But I met a doctor once who said, anytime you have the intention of harming yourself, that's a suicide attempt. And I don't know about you, but I just all the time was driving drunk, all the time I would try to ram into a loading dock and didn't. The times I stood on top of a tall building and wanted to jump and didn't.

Like, I never counted those, if I do, like, I'm like, good God, I mean, I've survived hundreds of attempts. If it's, you know, times that you wanted to, or again, thought you wanted to die.

Jen (27:48)
Yeah, that makes sense actually. I should really actually consider that for myself.

Andy Grant (27:56)
It can be a long, intimidating list if you're like, how was that? But it also can be liberating. yeah, we are all meant to be here. We are all God, right? Life is meant to be joyous and magnificent and great. And we are the only person that can right our ship. Again, that's by taking responsibility for it. Nobody else can fix you.

And mostly because I would say you're not broken. We're mistaken, we're lost, we're hurt, we're wounded, we're suffering. more, I suffered more at my own thoughts than at anybody else's hand. Does that make sense?

Jen (28:42)
Yes, yeah, absolutely.

Andy Grant (28:47)
And so the first book I ever wrote was about positive affirmations and like how to best use them because I took a positive psychology program and the professor was first like, the one thing I could do is affirmations don't work. And then I'm like, oh god, like I discovered Louise Hay and affirmation like one of the things that turned me around the book, You Can Heal Your Life was again, the first time I heard like, what like thoughts become things and my emotions aren't first and it's not chemicals that start it all. And so that was miraculous. But

the so I wrote the affirmation stuff and all inspired because he said they didn't work. And what I love about affirmations and gratitude journaling, which is something else that therapists told me for 20 years before I finally decided to try it. And everything I do on a daily basis to keep myself sane and of service and alive and active are things I made fun of for years. I thought a gratitude journal

I'm gonna have my little princess sparkly pencil and glitter paper and like, come on, this isn't real. But I've been maintaining a gratitude journal practice since like 2006 now. have boxes and boxes full of them. I don't look at them again, I'm like, don't throw them away. Somehow seems wrong too. So I don't know. Maybe the AF Grant Presidential Library one day will have them all displayed. Yeah. But.

Jen (30:07)
There you go.

Andy Grant (30:10)
What I love about affirmations and gratitude journaling, there's no barrier to entry. You don't need special training. You don't need anything like that. For me, affirmations, the power of them started trying to hold my own gaze in the mirror, which I could not do at the start. And then just saying, Andy, I love you. And I could not do that. It took me weeks to be able to do that. And I suggest if you do, if you're a user of positive affirmations, if they're all easy to say, you need to change them.

you know, that resistance that comes up. They're like, this isn't true, this is nonsense. To me, that's the healing. choose affirmations that challenge you for things you don't really have to let all the negative thoughts and bubble up and that's how you can release them. yeah. So now I've like, again, I feel goofy when it happens, but I still, appreciate it happening. When I catch myself in the mirror, I'm like, hey, yeah, I love you. And you know, it's just in my head and no one knows and.

Jen (30:54)
That's really powerful.

Andy Grant (31:09)
Another sequel up and a half for my own happiness is skipping. When no one's around, I'll like skip to my mailbox because I can't be in a bad mood and skip. And it's also like why I roller coasters.

to me, a way to prove that depression isn't just some chemical thing, put people in the front row of a roller coaster. They won't be worried about other things. Like you won't be depressed while you're going on the ride, right? So yeah, change your circumstances and somehow you're thinking your attitude, that's all changing too. And all circumstances are temporary, but I always get in the most trouble when I personalize

Jen (31:34)
No!

Andy Grant (31:54)
circumstances decide that they are a reflection of who I really am and that they won't change. And that's the most damning place I can put myself.

Jen (32:04)
Yeah, you know, I find myself telling myself often this too shall pass. You know, that we need to just, you know, sit with our emotions, feel them. They're uncomfortable, but getting through them, you get on the other side of them. They will not stay with you permanently. Right. So I think that's important for many people to understand.

Andy Grant (32:28)
Emotions are energy in motion. They're meant to be felt and when you when we allow ourselves to feel it Yeah on the other side of every negative emotion is a better feeling place But we can stay in this torturous depressed apathetic place by just by just touching it and retreating I'm sure you've had you know the dark night of the soul experiences and you know in the dark and just seems like I'm crying all night and just a mess and

But then when I actually stopped, and this helped me too, to not keep labeling things. So, I cross-bonding all night. I'm like, wait a minute, no, it was like 40 minutes. Okay. And so, I no longer let a bad moment, a bad circumstance get labeled into a bad day, a bad weekend, a bad week, month, et cetera.

Jen (33:14)
Well, we can catastrophize so much, right?

Andy Grant (33:17)
Yeah, yeah, that was, uh, you know, with the inauguration, everything happening recently, uh, it happened while I was in Africa. So now and then I'd get online and I'd see it's the new golden age. It's the end of the world. And I'm just like, interesting. Didn't have to look any further, but I knew they were both referencing the same thing.

Jen (33:36)
Right, right. Different perspectives, I guess. So when did you decide that you wanted to focus on men specifically?

Andy Grant (33:47)
So I began energy coaching in 2010. 90 % of my clients had always been women, but they all assumed because of how I looked that I had this like army of men that I was helping somewhere and that they just didn't exist. I've especially comes to energy work, spiritual work. I find that women are much more willing to go there. They're much braver, they're willing to act. Guys are doing it more and more, but it was that notion and I kept getting called like I've got to do something for men. I don't know what it is.

And then I got in 2016, I got a healing called a life activation. And that is literally when more light is brought into your physical body. And it lightens up your spiritual DNA and it makes your purpose more obvious to you. And it's like, what you're meant to do is attractive to you and you're more attracted to it. And three weeks later, Real Men Feel was born. And during that healing, like, I remember still, I don't know what's going on here, but I know I'm gonna learn how to do this.

And I did, and I had a full career change. That was a healing from the modern mystery school, over 3000 year old lineage going back to King Solomon, Solomon's temple, Solomon son of David, slayer of Goliath, all these biblical figures. It's argued, it's debated that this is where, while Jesus Christ was kind of missing from between birth and being 30, he was training in the mystery schools. Yeah, so.

Jen (35:14)
How? So the mystery schools are ancient. Yep. So they have, did they come with scriptures? Is there something specific about…

Andy Grant (35:25)
So

there were seven ancient mystery schools and they still exist the only one that's open to the public It's called the modern mystery school. It opened to the public in 1997. I believe Whoo They all have different tasks and roles and you know, I have dr Strange behind me here and like if his story he went into a mystery school That's where he learned all of his magic and mystical arts but the foundation of the mystery school is Reminding people that they are God

You are divine. I'm divine. We create this experience, right? And we can rise above.

There's talk of like the tipping point and how many percent of people need to be, you know, wake up and realize that, you know, they can change the world, that they can bring, choose the light over the dark, good over evil. And there's like just 3 % did it and it would change the world and open the, you know, an era of peace and love and Shambhala and the Garden of Eden is all around us. And so that stuff is interesting, but the real tactile things are again, the life activation. There's a remote healing called Spark of Life.

that I recently did for someone, she had broken six bones in her back, was told the only solution was surgery, and she knew there must be something else. And I said, well, I have this healing that's meant for physical things, like let's see what's up. And she's had not had pain since that healing. And now it's been like three months. Wow. You went eight months, daily pain, now it's gone. That's amazing. Yeah, I'm like, wow, like that blew me away.

Some of these things are so powerful. During COVID, all of the Mystery School Initiates began doing the Spark of Life on anybody that was in a hospital, anybody on ventilation, and they all went home. Every single one. Yeah, and it's all just anecdotal. I wish we had the foresight to document and name and find out and prove all this, but it's just anecdotal. But it's tangible, it's real, and that's...

Jen (37:17)
That's incredible.

Andy Grant (37:33)
Yeah, so that's that's how I'm of the most service now. That's the majority of the work I do with people are all various healings and rituals from the the Modern Mystery School.

Jen (37:43)
wow, that's amazing. I have to definitely take a good look into that. So with the podcast, how did you how did it come about for you?

Andy Grant (37:55)
So I said after the life activation, it got clarity and it began with me and a friend of mine, Apio Hunter. He was a gay Mormon man. And I thought, we'll have a nice dichotomy and it was up to all sorts of topics. So it began with just us talking. And then by like the fourth episode, people wanted to be guests. I'm like, that's weird. And when it started, my goal was to at least make it to three episodes before I quit. Because again, my history, do something that gets hard, I quit.

But now I'm up to like episode 340 Appio dropped off and we met we were together for like the first hundred And now it's been it's just just been been me It was mostly just a time commitment for for for Appio But yeah all those old episodes still there every now and then I'll meet someone that they you know I just found you this week and they'll go back and start, you know in 2016 and like God don't

I wouldn't want to go start in my past and through it all again. But but yeah, you know. The thing about podcasting, I'm surprised how many friends I have that were first podcast guests or something. And I forget that's how that I met. And even in the New England podcast group, they were both part of like it's so cool to go be in person with people and not just everything is zoom or every other mediums and that that that there is such a

community and culture of sharing and support in the podcasting world that continues to surprise me.

Jen (39:29)
Yeah, I'm just starting to feel that as I meet more and more people in the community. And again, community, how important is that? It's another thing that comes up all the time in the podcast is community being so important for just about any life experience. You can find people that have experienced the same things that you have, are interested in the same things that you have. And you know,

I'm not feeling so alone anymore when I start to dive into community. When I get depressed, I'll pull myself back and I won't leave the house, but learning to bring myself out just even for one group gathering can really make a big difference.

Andy Grant (40:20)
Yeah. And the impact that episodes can make on other people. So there have been two times in last six years that I've taken like, I think, an eight month stop and then even a full year stop and not planned, just I've had enough, I'm done. And I'll get emails from men all around the world going, I'm a fan of your show, I know your history, I just wanna see if you're okay.

I'm getting choked up already. And I read that at a time that I was trying to convince myself that I had no impact, nothing I'm doing matters, why do I bother? And anytime I think that now, something shows up. Here's why you bother. And I don't have it next to me. So there's something I advise clients and I have it. I have a specific special journal that I call Evidence of My Magnificence. Yeah, it's where I print out.

Jen (41:15)
I like that!

Andy Grant (41:18)
The reviews, the feedback from that one person, the thank you card, it's all just full of that. And the idea is that when you're feeling pointless and useless, you open that evidence of your magnificence and you can't keep lying to yourself when you're reminded by that positive impact that you have made on the world.

Jen (41:40)
Yeah, that is so, so powerful. That's amazing. what is there's so much that that you work with? What is the the you had said that working with people, what was the the light?

Andy Grant (41:59)
The life act

Jen (42:00)
The life activation that's probably you said that that was the biggest thing that you work with with people. Are there any other parts that you like to work with people?

Andy Grant (42:10)
Well, so that opens up more things. Another really cool thing I do is soul retrieval. Anyone that's been, had a near-death experience, a big traumatic experience, it truly makes a bit of our soul splinter off and run for cover. And soul retrieval is inviting it back. And when I've received this, it's been amazing. It's just amazing. It's one of those things that can't be described. Everybody's had amazing experiences when they receive it.

Because it's not like the hurt comes back, it's not like memories come back, it's just you feel a new sense of wholeness and completeness. And this is, it's a shamanic ritual that back when people were more in tuned with all that is, shamans made sure that everybody had this soul retrieval before they passed so that all of them was together to pass on to the next step.

But it's not something that's only for senior citizens or something. It's anytime you feel that. But especially when I meet people that say they've had a near-death experience, I would go, you might want to look at this. you would ask about the scriptures and things of the Mystery School. What's unique about the Modern Mystery School is that it is all mouth to ear. It is all taught live. The majority of healings can only be done in person.

So whenever I, know, I'm on podcasts and talking to a global audience, when people write out to me, like I'll play matchmaker, I'll find someone near them that go here, here's someone out there, go connect with them, get this. You know, if I ruled the world, everybody would get a life activation because what this world needs is more people on their purpose. More people full of and shining and sharing their light. Yeah. Yeah.

Jen (43:59)
That's it.

Andy Grant (44:02)
And again, it's all the things that, you know, here, look, we're stardust, we're beings of light, like, nonsense. Like, my God, it's true. Now I have real experiences of this and it isn't nonsense. And it's not just woo woo and crazy stuff. It's, you know, it's been there for thousands and thousands of years. The Mystery School was created in Solomon's temple over 3000 years ago for 40 years. He had all these different healers and shamans from around the world teach

each other and do their rituals and healings on each other. And only what works for everybody and that could be learned by everybody and didn't come with some specific dogma of belief, that became all the healings in the Mystery School. Yeah. So it's- incredible. Yeah, it's cool. But yeah, you can't buy a book, you can't watch a YouTube video. It's just a human being passes it down to you in person and-

Jen (44:44)
No.

Andy Grant (44:58)
And again, I used to think like, wow, that's so inefficient and silly, it's different.

Jen (45:04)
It's how it was meant to be. communication with community. Yeah. So tell me, what advice would you give someone that is in the depths right now, who they're feeling suicidal ideations are coming and they're not sure where to go next?

Andy Grant (45:29)
Don't keep it a secret. Find someone safe that you can admit how low you are feeling. And if you don't have someone your life that you can do that with, if you don't feel safe with that, call the suicide prevention line. Like I've called them and they're ah, I just feel like this and ah, and they're just, listen, it's not judgment, but again, I find the worst place for those suicidal ideation thoughts, those punishing thoughts is staying in our head. That rumination. Voicing it, even writing it down.

Find a way to get it out of you. Another just a tool I love is a rebounder, those little mini trampolines. So I use that. And even Tony Robbins, Brenda Bouchard, they all use this before they go on stage to get them psyched up. Because in that moment of, it's like, again, it's like skipping. I can't be miserable in that brief moment of weightlessness and that just, childhood, childish joy comes up. And I'll do that between clients to kind of clear my space.

Jen (46:05)
Yeah.

Andy Grant (46:27)
But there are so many little simple things you can do and again gratitude is powerful and You know, know when I've been depressed and sure that I believed I wanted to die There was nothing to be grateful for nothing. Nothing only when someone forced me Mike. All right Yeah, I'm grateful. have this pen fine, like, you know, whatever but start with something and it might be you know after you you know, you tell someone how bad you're feeling cuz

Silence kills. Yeah. Speaking, sharing, that's what keeps us alive. But yeah, find a way to let someone know, don't hide how bad you're feeling. And if someone comes to you and tells you, again, everyone has the ideas, plenty of people have ideas. If someone is set up to take action, that's different. So if someone is saying, I'm sitting here with a gun in my hand, then that's when you.

You know, offer to take them to the ER, offer to help them get somewhere if you're physically near someone. But the thoughts, it's nothing to freak out about. Just listen. You don't have to say anything. Just understand.

Jen (47:42)
Well, thank you so much, Andy. Where can we find you?

Andy Grant (47:47)
Right here. My main site is theandigrant.com. So don't suffer for a false Andy Grant, but yeah, theandigrant.com. That's where you find information on my books, my coaching. I got some online classes. I've got a cool class I made like 10 years ago on the power of gratitude. And it's on Udemy. It's like 9.99. And every now and I'll just summon someone in the world like, this is amazing. And I forgot I had that. But it's all content creation. It's all out there.

And you can learn more about Real Men Feel, the podcast there as well. But Real Men Feel also has its own realmenfeel.org is the site for that. I'm most active on Facebook and Instagram. Yeah, the Andy Grant on Instagram is me. Real Men Feel Show is the Real Men Feel Show on Instagram.

Jen (48:37)
And that will all be in the show notes so that everybody can feel the power of Andy. Well, thank you so much for being on tonight.

Andy Grant (48:49)
Yeah, and I wanted let people know that I was a half hour off. So thank you for putting up with my brain fart and not knowing how to tell time anyway.

Jen (48:58)
You know me, I'm laid back about that stuff. Thank you.

When Not Yet Becomes Right Now (49:06)
I am so happy that Andy came on the show. He has so much wisdom and he is not alone in his experiences with suicidality and mental health. As he said, there are many of us who have gone through similar experiences in our lives and it is important to remember we are not alone. Andy's journey of finding healing and emotional authenticity is a true testament to the power of our own human souls. I highly recommend checking out Andy's award-winning podcast,

real men feel, the stories you will hear and the guests on the show know the power of our emotions and learning that they are giving us the information we need and that, they too shall pass.