Rewiring the Mind with Mantras with Helene Zupanc and Beth Valdez

When Not Yet Becomes Right Now (00:00)
Welcome to When Not Yet Becomes Right Now, the podcast where we dive deep into the moments of transformation, the times when not yet shifts into right now and everything changes. I'm your host, Jen Ginty, and this podcast is all about those pivotal moments in our life journeys. You know the ones, when the hesitation fades, when we take that first step, even if it feels like a leap. It's in these moments that growth and healing begins. Each episode will explore stories of resilience,

moments of clarity, and the sparks that ignite real change. From personal experiences to expert insights, we'll uncover how people navigate the complex journey we call life and come out stronger on the other side. Whether you're searching for that spark in your own life or just curious about how change unfolds for others, you're in the right place. We'll discuss the ups and downs, the breakthroughs and setbacks, and how to embrace the right now, even when it feels out of reach. Because sometimes,

The hardest part of the journey is realizing that the moment you've been waiting for has already arrived. So take a deep breath, settle in, and let's get started.

Jen (01:10)
Hello and welcome to When Not Yet Becomes Right Now. Today's guests, Helene Zupank and Beth Valdez, first met in graduate school at Northern Arizona University and instantly clicked, thanks to their shared love of dogs, humor, counseling, and of course, mantras. Both are licensed professional counselors who've worked across diverse mental health and educational settings, and together they co-authored sticky note mantras.

the art and science of choosing your thoughts, a playful, practical guide to mindful living with bite-sized wisdom and a splash of sass. Drawing from their own experiences with OCD, anxiety, ADHD, and everyday what-if spirals, Helene and Beth are passionate about making mental wellness accessible, grounded, and even fun. Welcome, ladies.

Helene (02:04)
Thank you for having us.

Jen (02:05)
Yes, thank you so much for being on the show. I'm so excited for our conversation. So let's get into it. I'm gonna ask both of you, what is your ⁓ origin story? And also what made this friendship bloom for you?

Beth Valdez (02:05)
Thank you.

Do want to go, Aline?

Helene (02:26)
You want to go back?

⁓ Either way.

⁓ Sure, I'll go. Like you said, Beth and I met in graduate school and she is one of the most awesome, funny, kind people that I've ever met and I'm so lucky to have her in my life. ⁓ This whole project has been so amazing for both of us, I think. ⁓

And it started a long time ago. For me, I had OCD as a child and into high school and college and didn't really know what was going on. And it was pretty severe. And my mom, who also has OCD, and I started making up phrases to kind of break the cycle because it is a really big cycle of doubt. ⁓ And those really helped me kind of get off autopilot because I was doing the same thing for so many years. So we've.

I mean, one of my favorites is that's a brain glitch. I don't have to pay attention to that thought or, ⁓ know, because there's so many acknowledging what it is and then moving forward with the next steps that I know are going to be helpful. It's always been great. So the mantras have been like an integral part of my life since I was younger. ⁓ And then when I met Beth, we

found out that we both kind of use these little bite-sized nuggets of wisdom and they both like really, really changed our lives. And then we started using them with our clients and we found the same thing. We always said, here we want to write a sticky note, just stick it to you. Like this is what we want you to think about for the whole week. Cause a lot of times you leave counseling and you know, they forget everything that we talked about doing in the first place. Just like all of us, you read a article and it goes out the window when you're, you know, let's say it's about parenting.

your parents and your child and you're like I have no idea what I just read so really creating those little cues help in so many areas of our lives.

Jen (04:21)
That's wonderful. And I'm going to ask you, I've spoken about OCD before on the show, but I think there's not enough understanding of what OCD is. My brother grew up with OCD and I was that person that your mother was for you, who helped him through, yeah, through the compulsive behaviors and the obsessive thoughts.

And I think a lot of people use the term OCD very, very loosely and not correctly. So would you just give us a little better understanding of OCD?

Helene (04:57)
I agree. Yeah.

Sure, and I actually treat clients with OCD now. It's my main gig, and I really love it. So basically, OCD is when you have what are first called obsessions. So something, they're very egotistonic, the thoughts, which means they are very opposite of your values and really attack the things you care about. So for me, I was a really sensitive person, and I always would worry that, what if someone

misunderstands me, they didn't take me right, ⁓ what if ⁓ something happens to the ones I love, you know, all those kind of things. I had so many different sub, now they've identified all these subtypes. I think I had quite a few subtypes. It was just all thrown in there. ⁓ But so the obsessions, that's what kind of gets you to start doubting is you'll have, people with OCD, their mind just kind of makes up the worst case scenario. ⁓ And it just is very haunting and very exhausting because you

you're really trying to prevent these things from happening, which of course is ridiculous. And you know it's ridiculous because most people at OCD are smart and they're compassionate, ⁓ but it's something they just can't let go of. And then in comes the compulsions, which is basically something you do to neutralize or ⁓ to make these bad feelings or thoughts go away. But it's a slippery slope because it's a cycle and you might do some reassurance seeking or some physical rituals or whatever it is.

that you think will neutralize these bad thoughts. And it doesn't work. It just keeps going in that cycle. So we need to find something to break the cycle because otherwise it's just a miserable phenomenon. It's really kind of a jerk of a disorder. It just attacks what you care about the most. And it's something that you recognize as being senseless as well.

Jen (06:58)
Yeah.

Helene (06:59)
So that's kind of a little bit of the background. It's very genetic ⁓ and a lot of times your brains are just wired a little bit differently. And trying to figure out how to deal with that and overcome it is the most freeing thing in the world.

Jen (07:14)
Yes, yeah,

I totally understand that. And I do, I get prickly when people say, ⁓ that's my OCD. You know, it's, ⁓ yeah.

Helene (07:22)
Yeah, no, it's not a good

use of, I'm a little OCD or something like that. If anybody really had it, it is extremely debilitating, yes.

Jen (07:29)
It can be debilitating. Yes, yes, absolutely.

So yeah, that is my little PSA. Please do not use my, you know, I'm a little OCD or that's my OCD. It's really important that people understand that that is a very, that can be a very debilitating ⁓ mental health concern. Yeah, so Beth, tell us a little bit about yourself.

Helene (07:41)
Yeah.

Beth Valdez (07:56)
Yeah, origin story. growing up ADHD really wasn't on the radar back when I was growing up. think ⁓ maybe as I got into middle and high school, we'd heard about it, but these were the kids that couldn't sit still and were kind of about that was kind of the stereotypical. ⁓ But definitely ADHD could see it genetic. My father definitely runs in our family and didn't diagnose until I was in graduate school and was like, huh.

Jen (07:59)
less.

Beth Valdez (08:21)
This sounds like me. This sounds like me. Oh, like this is me. And so

and all good things ADHD did a deep dive and really kind of have made it my life's kind of work and passion. It's kind of got me into counseling. It's kind of the area that I specialize. I just remember being, you know, that for me, it was definitely the inattention and the hyperactivity of thought, that overthinking piece where something got hold and it just, you could overthink that you could create any scenario in your mind and any doomsday scenario just by spiraling and overthinking and.

It took a really long time to figure out like, hey, you don't have to do that. And just like she used mantras, I kind of thought I was like, I'm using quotes. So I'd pull both quotes from books and from poems and Nike just do it when that was kind of all the, I would use those to kind of pull me out of that thought loop. Like, cause I could just get stuck in overthinking, overthinking, you know, ADHD is kind of that, you know, there's a problem with the breaking system and I had no breaks. And so my brain could spin endlessly. you know, sometimes you couldn't fall asleep and just why aren't you paying attention? I'm like, well, I'm stuck.

my thought loop. I'm overthinking something from a long time ago. So naturally I'm not paying attention. And so when she had met and we were talking about how we use these phrases and she came up with mantras and I had mantras that's so much easier than saying I pull phrases from books and poems and songs and and so we just kind of bonded over that and we shared our I being you know ADHD awkward was like hey you want to see pictures of my dogs? That really just kind of bloomed the friendship over that.

Helene (09:25)
Of course. ⁓

you

Beth Valdez (09:52)
But she mentioned, we started kind of writing this book a long time ago and it was very serious and very academic and Helene came up with the idea, why don't we make this more accessible and relatable? I'm reading all these great books like, Unfuck Your Brain and, know, ones like that. was like, perfect, we should make this for anyone who picks up a book, can make it easy to read. Because a lot of self-help books, you read it and they're like, You kind of get lost in.

you know, their theories or, you know, case stories. But I think this one's fun and relatable and we love it because it's personable. You get to create your own mantras, the things that resonate most with you. So it's not just I'm saying I'm giving you, although you're welcome to borrow ours. I think ours are brilliant. But it...

come up with their own and the things that kind of cue their brain and recognize what direction they want to go into. And so I think it's been an easy sell. I think people really like that idea that they get to create their own and make it personal. And, you know, it kind of falls under that cognitive behavioral therapy and acceptance commitment therapy kind of umbrella. And it works. It really does cue the brain into moving into another direction. So, ⁓ yeah, it's been.

It's been fun and thank goodness I met Helene. Helene is obviously the nice thing she said about me, most nice thing. And yeah, we've had a blast doing the project together.

Helene (11:06)
We have.

Jen (11:06)
that's wonderful.

And I'd like to go back to, Beth, you also had talked a bit about catastrophizing and how the ADHD brain can catastrophize. And I think it's very important for people to understand what that is and how that happens for people with ADHD. Could you explain it a little more?

Beth Valdez (11:29)
But

absolutely, I'm like a gold medalist in catastrophizing, so I'm over it. ⁓

Jen (11:33)
Me too!

Beth Valdez (11:36)
It's one of those cognitive distortions and without breaks, we can come up with a scenario and then we doomsday it. We can continue to make it bigger and bigger and worse and worse and we can spiral down that path. I tell people all the time when I work with clients, when you're spiraling and you're catastrophizing, you will not fix anything in your head. You are just going down that you've got to get out of your head. It just makes everything feel scarier. It really triggers anxiety into preventing you from do things that probably

aren't as scary as we're building it up into our minds. So we create all this anticipatory anxiety. We talk ourselves out of amazing opportunities because they seem scary, because we're coming up with this doomsday scenario that's really just our survival brain trying to protect us. Like, hey, you probably shouldn't do that. You might not be safe, but our survival brain doesn't determine whether a bear is about to eat you or someone's going to hurt your feelings. So it constantly is turning that on, which kind of

perpetuates that whole catastrophizing and doomsday cycle. So recognizing that, we always talk about awareness is where all the magic happens. It's like, my gosh, here I am catastrophizing. I'm naming it to taming it. And then now I can throw in my mantra. Like, you know what? It's going to work out. Just do the hard thing, and tomorrow is going to come, and it's all going to work out. And so that's kind of the

Helene (12:44)
name it to demon.

Beth Valdez (12:54)
path that has helped me with specifically catastrophizing was, ⁓ my gosh, it was so helpful. Because getting out of your head, that is so hard to do sometimes, but the phrases and awareness really help you recognize why you should and how to get there.

Helene (13:09)
kind of create those new neural pathways because we spend so long creating these and a lot of times they're tied to our vulnerabilities or ⁓ we all have something right with ADHD or OCD. So when we've been thinking the same way for a long time, it's like a road that your brain has built and then when you want to build a new one, it's like a grass field but then restart and drive down there with some of these new thoughts and it becomes trimmed and it becomes more

a path and then eventually it'll become the road that your brain always takes. It just takes a little work to get there.

Jen (13:46)
Yeah, you know, it's interesting the neurodivergent brain and ⁓ the complex PTSD brain may share some things. Do you agree with that, that neurodivergence and complex PTSD have very similar ⁓ aspects? Okay.

Helene (13:59)
definitely.

Yes, definitely. And I think that's

kind of where we're going from is that this can apply to all kinds of different things. And that it's a simple process, but it actually really works.

Jen (14:18)
Yeah, so why don't you explain a little bit about how these mantras, they ⁓ do change the neuron pathways or create new neuron pathways.

Beth Valdez (14:31)
Do you me take that? Sure. Well, so, right, we have like neural pathways, these little, just think of it as like a roadmap. And as we use it, you know, we reinforce that and it builds and it connects. And the more we use it, the more that habit, the more automatic it becomes. We don't even have to think of it it's a really strong neural network. Well, if we want to change that habit, we need to create that new neural network or pathway. And we need to strengthen it by practicing it through.

Helene (14:31)
Sure, sure, go ahead.

Beth Valdez (14:57)
Practice makes permanent. We need to practice, practice, practice. In the beginning, it feels so uncomfortable, just like you mentioned, because the first time you sled down a hill, it's not quite as fast. But as you lay that path, it gets smoother and smoother.

path gets easier and easier and easier to set. It's the same thing as we practice those things and build up that neural network. The more we practice it, the bigger it gets, the thicker that little neural network is. And now it's more accessible and it's connected to those other neural networks. So it can be triggered. You know, like say I'm trying to build up a new habit of ⁓ getting up in the morning and meditating. Well, the more I practice it, the more that network is going to be laid, the thicker and more accessible. So in the morning when my alarm clock goes off and I feel rushed, I still have that neural network

because maybe meditation is still an option here. Is there a way for you to figure it out? If that's a thin one and I haven't practiced it, that just goes right out the window, right? I'm late, forget it. It doesn't contribute to that habit. our brain is so plastic, the plasticity, we can change it and meld it. It's just through practicing and unlearning the old habit.

replacing it with a new habit and then you just practice it until it becomes more routine and feels easier and you build up that neural network. So we can always change. They've done so much great research about how even if you lose something that you can't, you know, like say you lose how to bend your elbow, your brain can build around that to use a different network.

to possibly learn to use that elbow again. That's how amazing our brain is. But we fall into that survival mode of like, oh, doomsday, we can't do this, we can't do that. And a lot of times we end up limiting ourselves. But we can believe and understand that our brain is valuable. It can change. It just sometimes requires a little bit of guidance, support, and a little bit of hard work. And yeah, you can build a little bit of

Helene (16:44)
just kind of why

mantras are so perfect because they're so repetitive and they're easy and if you make them funny they're even easier to remember we love that and it just really helps you to refocus when it might not seem possible otherwise

Jen (17:02)
It's amazing that our brains can do what they do. And we don't even really know everything that our brains can do, right? And there's so many nice modalities out there now. Back in the day in the 80s when I was going through post-traumatic stress through childhood, and my brother going through OCD and figuring out how his way of life needed to change so he could help himself.

It's so nice to now know that there are so many different modalities that we can use. I myself use EMDR. And I guess that's very similar in the sense of watching patterns. Is that how it works?

Helene (17:46)
Yeah, basically,

we both do EMDR as well as therapists. ⁓ And I love it. I think it really kind of identifies things you may have assumed about yourself or others or the world. And where you made that assumption, ⁓ kind of taking a look at it and holding it up to light. Like, is this really something that...

Jen (17:50)
okay.

Helene (18:08)
I want to believe or is it just something that was kind of pushed on me or you know so many different circumstances and this is across all different platforms or genres that a lot of ⁓ illnesses hold the same ⁓ ideas they hold the same

issues, kind of like what we were talking about, ADHD and OCD. I mean, there's a lot of catastrophizing in OCD too. So kind of these basic building blocks of mental health, and you can apply it to so many issues.

Jen (18:46)
Wonderful. So let's get into these mantras. What were the mantras that started you guys off together?

Helene (18:50)
Yeah.

Beth Valdez (18:54)
my gosh.

Helene (18:55)
Just getting my book out. We

Jen (18:56)
There we go!

Helene (18:57)
have so many. We have themes in the book on perfectionism, positive self-concept, laughter is medicine, rediscovering curiosity.

Beth Valdez (19:00)
Yeah.

Helene (19:10)
acceptance, forgiveness, letting go, living simply, being present, self-care, self-compassion, all of kind of the basic building blocks of mental health. So I know we both have our favorites. I kind of mentioned one about mine with OCD. That's you know, what do you want to share?

Beth Valdez (19:32)
so many and they change regularly but so ⁓

Right now I have people will people. So, um, you know, sometimes I'd be like, oh, people, but I love just people will people. Cause I'm letting go of the things I can't control, right? I cannot control people. People are going to do what people are going to do. So that has been one I've been using a lot, but going back, just do it. Like I mentioned, that was like a lot of times with ADHD, you kind of get this decision paralysis where there's so many options and you just like freeze and you don't do anything. And so that just do it, queued me like, just pick one. It's going to be good enough. So just, just go with it. So.

Helene (19:40)
Yeah.

Beth Valdez (20:04)
Just Do It was one of the ones that I used growing up a lot. then pulling from songs, I totally stole this one from Aline. A little less conversation, a little more action from Elvis. my gosh. Every time I hear that, I'm like, yes, quit talking about it. Just go do it. You got this. And so, yeah, I have little sticky notes of little mantras all over the place in my office and around my house.

Jen (20:27)
So you laid... No, no, no, go ahead.

Helene (20:27)
Another one, sorry.

Beth Valdez (20:29)
Thank

Helene (20:30)
I was just

going to say another one that speaks to that, ⁓ which Beth really turned me on to is from a Chinese proper that says, be not afraid of going slowly. Just don't stand still. And I have that one on my computer. Just don't stand still like any movement. Cause I get overwhelmed. Like even with this book stuff, we wrote a book and now we don't know what you're supposed to promote it. So like even just like one little social post a day, just do something. It doesn't need to be huge or send out an email or

Jen (20:52)
Hahahaha

Helene (20:59)
or

talk to somebody at the grocery or tell them about it or, you know, just one little thing. So I really like that. Just don't stand still ⁓ because any little movement is towards your goal, right? That counts. Things get done in this series of small steps, but it really is daunting sometimes when you think about the computer and all social media, all these different things and it's different for everyone. But I really like that. don't stand

But there's so many faves. Yeah, I love that one.

Jen (21:29)
is great. Yeah, and I just

realized I'm looking down at my, I'm on a desktop computer and I have a couple of things that are just stuck on my computer. I guess they're sticky note mantras. I have simply tried to do what seemed best each day as each day came from Abe Lincoln.

Helene (21:42)
Hahaha

Mmm. I like

it. I like it.

Jen (21:53)
And

then success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm by Winston Churchill. So would those be mantras?

Helene (21:59)
That's a good one.

Beth Valdez (22:01)
Yes, yes. So yeah, and we

Helene (22:01)
Yes!

Beth Valdez (22:03)
take those and you know, sometimes even say, okay, you've got a quote, losses or lessons, like, right? Any type of loss, we pull a lesson from that or, you know, you fail forward, right? You fail, but fail forward, take those. And so you can take all these beautiful like affirmations and quotes, and then you, you pull in these little pieces to create your mantra. And yeah, it's

Helene (22:22)
kind of shorten them

up a little bit and it can be a longer quote, but you just shorten it up a little bit and it just, really does help. when you're stuck in that cycle that we all have going back to what's comfortable and familiar and we don't like to be uncomfortable, but even telling yourself, is this discomfort or danger? That can be a mantra, you know, a lot of times. Yeah, cause a lot of.

Jen (22:46)
a great mantra. want that mantra. I'm keeping that one.

Helene (22:51)
It's a good

one. I love that because a lot of times things are just uncomfortable and our society is so obsessed with always being, ⁓ always feeling good and we don't always feel good and that's not even supposed to always feel good and that discomfort is where growth happens.

Jen (23:09)
One of my favorite mantras is this too shall pass. Yes, I use this one for when I know I need to sit in my emotions, even though they're uncomfortable. So I've been using mantras and I didn't even know it.

Helene (23:13)
I love that one.

Yeah, I love it.

Beth Valdez (23:25)
You

Helene (23:26)
There you go. Yeah, it helps you live

more intentionally and get those positive thoughts going that we sometimes stuff down.

Beth Valdez (23:36)
And if it's true, like what we find is what we focus on, well, let's focus on where we want to go. It's a way of manifesting where you want your mind to go. So if I want to manifest myself to have a joyful day, can spark joy. I can pull that in there. And now I've got that in the forefront of mind. I can focus on it. And it's cued me to head in that direction. Does it always work out? So we would say plan, but don't plan on it. Not always, but I've done the intention, and it's more likely to happen that way.

Helene (23:59)
I love that one.

Jen (24:04)
my gosh, so many cool mantras that I've, you know, I need to like write down. I gotta write them down quick so I don't forget them or I will get them from your book.

Helene (24:07)
⁓ yeah.

they're on.

They're all in the book. They're on our website as well. We have a lot of fun. StickyNoMantras.com. And we have blogs on there that kind of go with each mantra to give you the background and information. we really enjoy doing it. It's a lot of fun.

Jen (24:30)
So when you work with clients and you want them to take on this mantra, ⁓ way of life, how do you start a ⁓ conversation with a new client about it?

Helene (24:49)
I think just providing them with some, go ahead, background info and yeah. But also tapping into who they are. Are they humorous? Are they?

Beth Valdez (24:49)
So maybe.

Well, I... Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's basically a cognitive...

Yeah. It's a cognitive reframe, right? In a lot of ways. So if I'm thinking this, well, what's a different way we can reframe this? Let's come up with a saying that supports it. Now we have a mantra, like we built in that mantra. Or if we have an intention that we're unable to do, let's come up with a phrase that cues that thought line of where you want to go and what goals you want to achieve. And I've never had anyone be like, meh.

I've had them do with other things, but never with creating their own personal kind of idea. Sometimes they need to think about it. Maybe in between sessions they're going to go in and explore and listen to music or read poetry and find theirs. They may need some time to kind of wrap their brain around it, but I've yet to have a client not come up with a mantra that they use.

Helene (25:22)
Thanks

Jen (25:40)
Now there is specific instructions that you send them home with.

Helene (25:45)
So we do have, ⁓ like in the first part of our book, we talk about... ⁓

kind of ways to create your own as far as like think of a trigger or situation that might be ⁓ something that bothers you like, my gosh, my house is a mess and my husband just invited people over. We don't know anyone who does that right now. Her husband is notorious. And then think of the emotions or feelings that this bring up like, you know, embarrassment, panic.

resentment, dread, anxiety, and then what automatic thoughts might be coming up for you. ⁓

You may be thinking I suck at adulting, I can never keep the house clean. They're going to judge me. ⁓ But then and also notice some body sensations. Is your jaw clenched? Is your shoulders tight? Because it's always connected to our body. ⁓ And then thinking of a more healthy balance thought, first of all, and then we come up with a mantra. So a more healthy balance thought might be I'm doing the best I can or friends are coming over to see us, not our house.

I'm sure their house aren't perfectly clean, like life is messy. And then maybe boiling it down to a mantra like, I'm just going to do my best from the four agreements. I don't know if you've ever read that one. It's a great, he talks about just doing your best, no more, no less. See if you do more than your best, you'll deplete your energy, go against yourself. If you do less than your best, then you're subject to regrets or self judgment. So just going to do my best, no more, no less.

Jen (27:25)
Beth, is there anything specific that you tell your clients that ⁓ helps them to come up with them or to remember to use them on a regular basis?

Beth Valdez (27:38)
I making it personal and something that they remember that does help with that. But yes, write it on a sticky note. If you're an artist, paint a picture, create a bracelet, poetry, pottery, whatever it is that you do, use that mantra in it. Because again, practice makes permanent the more you use it. And I'm big on habit stacking. So I'll say, if it's hard for you to remember it,

Pick two times during the day, two little anchor points, ⁓ morning and evening. And I want you to, when you brush your teeth, both times, I want you to just say your mantra, right? Just to have it, now we're building that neural pathway, if we're getting some muscle memory. ⁓ So kind of suggesting that, again, if someone feels stuck, I really nothing is inspiring me, we totally do a brainstorming, brain dump. Like let's just start brain dumping, come up with things like sayings that you remember and we kind of.

Helene (28:25)
movie quotes

Beth Valdez (28:26)
Play with it. Yeah, movie quotes. ⁓ absolutely.

Helene (28:27)
songs.

Beth Valdez (28:29)
Yes.

Jen (28:29)
See,

that's what I would need, definitely, because I'm just, I'm a creative person, but if you put me in the moment, like create something, I'm like, what, wait a second, what do mean? Yeah, exactly, Brain just goes empty right there. So it's really nice to know that you give, like I said, instructions on how to remember to do them, how to actually remember them as a whole.

Helene (28:40)
Yes. ⁓

spinning.

Jen (28:56)
⁓ And I'd love to hear how you guys started writing the book.

Helene (29:02)
boy.

We started like 20 years ago before we had kids, before, and we were just out of graduate school. We're like, oh my gosh, we'd love to work with this with our clients. And then life happened and we have families. 20 years later, we came back to it and we said, well, now we're in our counseling careers and we can see all these different ways we could weave it in. then we kind of, yeah, just a couple of years ago, I guess two years ago, we published it now.

Jen (29:07)
Mm-hmm

Helene (29:33)
⁓ So it's been a long journey, but it just kind of shows you that never give up. It just takes some stick-to-it-iveness.

Beth Valdez (29:42)
And totally Helene was the stick-to-it She continued to send out queries to publishers and she was amazing. We started this before there was like an online sharing platform, right? So like we would work it in Word and email it back and forth. I mean, it was too big of a file at some point. So we definitely had some, yeah, but then life got in the way. I ended up moving, we both had kids, know, jobs. And then when Helene got the hit on the very, I was like, let's, you know.

Helene (29:53)
Yes!

yeah.

Beth Valdez (30:11)
This is amazing, let's go. we, in a year's time, of polished it and shaped it. And it was such a fun process to do together. We met, don't know how many Starbucks should pay us to, because we spent more time in Starbucks collaborating, eating their yummy breakfast sandwiches. We definitely upped their profit share that those quarters.

Helene (30:12)
You

Jen (30:23)
Hahaha!

Helene (30:23)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, was such a fun process though. It was things that I use every day and it just strengthened it for me too.

Beth Valdez (30:38)
It was fun.

Jen (30:44)
And what was the reaction you got from the book? What did you hear back from people about learning how to use mantras in their lives?

Helene (30:55)
We've had some nice feedback. There's some people that post and let us know, you know, gosh, I'm going to use this mantra every day or I know Beth, you just had someone contact you and say something like that.

Beth Valdez (31:06)
Yeah,

after we send out blogs, I have some people who will respond and say, my gosh, this means so much to me. This mantra is everything I needed right now. that is just, my gosh, it's so nice when you hear things like that. Or when we're doing book fairs, people come up like, my gosh, are the sticky note mantra ladies? We love you. We have a book club. And these are the mantras we use. It feels, it's lovely. In fact, I just had. ⁓

Helene (31:10)
yeah.

Yeah.

Beth Valdez (31:31)
He just graduated from the Air Force Academy and he told me, he's like, you know what, when you were posting your Instagram, you're sticking up mantras on Instagram, it got me through really tough times in school when I thought like I couldn't do this. I was not capable. And I was like, my gosh, it works. See, I told you guys it really works. And this is like, you know, big tough guy who probably was not, ⁓ you know, exploring mental health because it wasn't something that they, know, in their culture, that was not something that he was doing at the time. But that was what having those sayings kind of.

Helene (31:40)
Aww.

That's cool.

Beth Valdez (32:01)
got him through some of the tougher times. And I was like, that's exactly what it's supposed to do.

Helene (32:06)
Yeah.

Jen (32:07)
That's great. And hearing that story

is really special because I feel like, yeah, men look at mental health differently. And if something like this, mantras, can truly help them to better understand themselves and better help themselves to be healthy in that way, I think that's wonderful.

Beth Valdez (32:32)
Absolutely, yeah, I agree. they can use sports quotes and masculine quotes that fit within that identity that they're more comfortable with and it resonates with them, absolutely. And helping them practice that awareness, like, ⁓ this anger that I'm expressing might actually be my anxiety. That's awareness and now I can practice these, throw the mantra in there to direct the way I my thoughts to go. Yeah, it can fit in. I come from a house of.

My kids were college athletes, my husband was a baseball player. So when I say like, well, how does that make you feel? They have poo poo me, right? Like don't even go there. if I, if I, yes, you've got to use humor and you got to use, yeah, things that resonate with them. And so I had to learn how to pivot with them. I knew I couldn't do the touchy feely talk. I had to be more kind of direct and, but it works. Yeah. They, they developed their own mantras that helped them through hard times too.

Helene (33:07)
Ha!

Jen (33:08)
That's my sons.

Beth Valdez (33:26)
without me therapizing them as I like to say, stop therapizing me, but giving them the tools and then they ended up developing their own. It was really, yeah, that was probably the biggest reward from doing this for me, was watching them use it. Yeah.

Helene (33:29)
Right.

Jen (33:44)
So you guys do blogs, you have social media, how does that work in with the book?

Helene (33:53)
It's a lot of fun and we try to post mantras daily and ⁓ anything background info or...

things we're doing, events, we have on our website all the book fairs we're going to if you want to come get together with us. But yeah, it's a really kind of inclusive, I think the blog is, it's great because we can just do, we do two mantras a month and one that subscribes can get a new mantra and it's a really quick read, there's long. And yeah, so we've been presenting at yoga studios and community centers and things too and we've really good experience.

response. Everyone says that it's a pretty user-friendly way to kind add some things into your life and add some more positive habits and positive thoughts.

the guys that Beth was bringing up. I've always loved movie quotes and the first thing I started talking to you about with my guy clients is movies and what kind they like and then it kind of ramps me up for later creating mantras. I know Beth knows one of my favorite, which she got me a t-shirt that says this on it. I was showing it yesterday. It says, fuck it, dude, let's go bowling. And that's from the big Lebowski and it totally does

Jen (35:07)
Yep.

Helene (35:09)
for me whenever there's something I can't control and I'm just sitting there reworking it time and time again and I'm like you know what okay I'm gonna go do something different that I can't control let's go bowling but that was one of my favorite movies and so that always really helps but I feel like guys relate with the movie quotes a lot more too

Beth Valdez (35:28)
Yes,

yeah. I use the one from Jaws, we're gonna need a bigger boat. So like whenever when something's not going as planned, I'm like, we need a bigger boat. they love it, yeah.

Jen (35:30)
Yeah. ⁓

Helene (35:32)
yeah.

Yeah, we need to revise. Yeah, we need

to, and that's what it's about, right? Keep revising and changing. And there's so many great, great ones that ⁓ kind of align with what's going on in mental health today. I really like the self-compassion ones.

Because I feel like not enough people use self-compassion in their life. And I feel like they don't know that it actually gets you farther in your goals. ⁓ And it gets you farther in everything. When a lot of people think like, well, then I'm not a part of myself enough, or I don't keep myself accountable. But it's actually the opposite. When you treat yourself like you treat a good friend, you actually get farther. ⁓ So I have a lot of the self-compassion ones are, you know, include you in

kindness or a little self-compassion goes a long way and you can't really have that compassion for others if you don't have it for yourself.

Jen (36:40)
Yeah, I think you're so right about that. I try to tell myself, I guess this is a mantra, I ask myself, would I say this to my best friend? You know, like, why? Yeah.

Helene (36:51)
That is the greatest for self-compassion.

love that. What would I tell a good friend? What would I tell someone I love? And then we wouldn't tell it to ourselves. Does that mean we don't love ourselves? So we need to work on that. So I do find that topic to be really helpful for mantras.

Beth Valdez (37:07)
So

yeah, I think, you know, in that realm is like when you're not at your best, like I'm not at my best today and that's okay. Cause that's like when you're falling short and you're like, my gosh, what is wrong with me? We can reframe that through, you know, I'm not at my best and that's okay. Or you know what? I'm giving 40%, but 40 % all I have to give today. Well, that's me giving a hundred percent. Right? So it's just, it's reframing it and using that quote to kind of pull you in that direction. Cause yeah, a lot of us like that.

tough eighties coach who's gonna beat ourselves up inside. Like if I'm not beating myself up, I'm not moving forward. But yeah, it's a dysfunctional way of motivating people. We've learned that old style coaching doesn't work. And we recognize now that yeah, it's a compassion and support and encouragement. That's actually the way to get better performance out of you and other people. it's looks like.

Helene (37:41)
right?

It is.

Right.

Jen (38:00)
Have you ever had to dial back a client and say, you have too many mantras?

Helene (38:06)
I

haven't really, but I mean like it is good to have a lot because they pop up in different situations, but I think depending on what they're focusing on, if their goals are really to overcome OCD, then we're going to go with different mantras. I mean there's so many different ones that you can use.

Beth Valdez (38:28)
I think that's beauty of them. Like, they're situational, right? Like, you might need one one day or maybe need another another day and they're not permanent. Like, you don't... I mean, I guess if you got a tattoo maybe, but otherwise you can kind of cycle them in and out and, you know, they're gonna resonate with you at different times. So, yeah, I think that I've never had anything new to... Tattoo? ⁓ my gosh!

Helene (38:39)
you

I did have someone get a tattoo once. Yeah.

Yeah, she tapped,

she tattooed, good luck, bad luck, who knows? Like on her butt. Because I don't know if you've ever heard that story, but it's, it's about accepting different things that come your way in life. It's the Chinese farmer and he has a horse and the horse runs away. All the neighbors say, oh, that's terrible luck. And his only response is good luck, bad luck, who knows? And then if he had been in the barn, there was a fire, the barn would have, he would have burned down with the barn.

Beth Valdez (38:56)
Hmm.

Helene (39:21)
And again, the neighbors were like, that's that's good luck that he wasn't there. Good luck, bad luck, who knows? So he it's basically about how you just, you know, we don't know if how things are going to turn out and maybe they're positive and maybe they're not. It's kind of about giving up control.

Jen (39:39)
Hmm, I love that one. I'm getting all of these amazing mantras that I need to have in my life.

Helene (39:41)
That's good one. ⁓

Well, they're all stories and the quotes and everything are all in the book. So there is quite a few ⁓ stories like that that we use to ⁓ sort of encourage people to use mantras because they're fun way.

Jen (40:02)
yeah, think having that story will always give you a reminder of the mantra, right? When you're in a similar situation, right? Like, yeah, from this story, this mantra came from that. And I think that's great. Do you ladies have any ⁓ more books that you have in you that you might write together?

Helene (40:09)
Yes.

Yeah.

We would love to. We're gonna see what happens. But we would love to do like a workbook and we'd like to just ⁓ expand it like Sticky Note Mantras for parents, Sticky Note Mantras for teens, for mothers. That was kind of our initial idea but we'll see see if we make enough book sales.

Jen (40:47)
It's like chicken soup for the soul, right?

Helene (40:50)
Yeah, kind of like a series like that. Yeah, that would be awesome because we have so many different mantras that we would love to get out there.

Beth Valdez (40:50)
Thanks.

Yeah, we had to really scale this back to fit, know. So had so much we had to cut out that we've got a whole other file probably of a couple, definitely other books in store.

Helene (41:05)
Well, yeah.

I think the parenting one would be a good one.

Jen (41:09)
My goodness, I can only imagine. ⁓ the parenting

one would be fantastic, I really think, for a new parents and maybe for a teen parent. Those would be great. Because a new parent, they're going to need way different mantras from someone who's got like a tween at that point, right?

Helene (41:15)
down.

Yeah.

Beth Valdez (41:23)
That's a good idea.

Helene (41:29)
Yeah,

that's true.

Beth Valdez (41:32)
my goodness.

Jen (41:33)
Love that. So

tell us where we can find you.

Helene (41:38)
We are, ⁓ you can find the book on Amazon, ⁓ on Barnes and Noble, Walmart, on, that's right.

Beth Valdez (41:45)
Looks a million.

Jen (41:48)
I love them.

Helene (41:50)
Yeah, so you could go to our website at StickyNoteMantras.com to learn more about us. We have our profiles on there and just the background info and then we have where we'll be promoting the book if you want to come out and we have other goodies that we sell that have to do with mantras and they're just fun, fun self-help stuff. That's right.

Beth Valdez (42:11)
as we get inspired.

Helene (42:16)
There's something else. Yeah. So yeah, we are on the web and we're on, I think our next one that we're going to be in is next month, October 18th at Desert Foothills. Yep. At the Holland Center in Carefree.

Jen (42:19)
Well...

Beth Valdez (42:27)
Desert hills.

Jen (42:33)
Well, I love you guys and your friendship and that it's spanned for this long. And I have friendships that are the same. I'm actually going to my best friend's wedding in New Jersey and we've been together since we were 18 years old. And, you know, so I love seeing friendships that really hold the line for a lifetime. You guys have known each other longer than you haven't, right?

Helene (42:50)
Wow!

Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. No, I'm, I feel so blessed. Beth is just an amazing person and her humor just, as a matter of fact, I just got you something, Beth, that says good friends or something that maybe laughs a little louder, smile a little bigger. And I'm like, this is perfect for Beth. I can't work. It's so true though. Yeah.

Jen (43:04)
Hahaha

Beth Valdez (43:28)
seen each other in a while so yeah we're excited to catch up.

Helene (43:31)
Yeah,

we gotta get together.

Jen (43:33)
Well, thank you ladies for coming on the show and sharing your mantras. I know that this is going to be so helpful for our listeners. And I highly recommend picking up their book. The name is Sticky Note Mantras, The Art and Science of Choosing Your Thoughts. And that will all be in the show notes.

Beth Valdez (43:53)
Thank you so much.

Helene (43:53)
Thank you so much for having

us, Jen.

Beth Valdez (43:57)
We really appreciate it.

When Not Yet Becomes Right Now (44:00)
Thank you for joining us for this episode of the podcast. This show is produced by Phoenix Freed LLC and I'm your producer, Jen Ginty. We hope you found today's conversation inspiring. Thank you for joining us for this episode of the podcast. This show is produced by Phoenix Freed LLC and I'm your producer, Jen Ginty. We hope you found today's conversation insightful and inspiring. If you have a story of your own about when a not yet moment became right now,

We encourage you to reach out and share it. You can find more information about being a guest on our show at whennotyetbecomesrightnow.com. Remember, you are not alone on your journey, whether it's a journey of healing, growth, or transformation. Every story matters. Thank you for listening, and we'll catch you next time with another inspiring episode.