Overcoming Medical Trauma with the Power of Authentic Living with Crystal Robinson

When Not Yet Becomes Right Now (00:00)
Welcome to When Not Yet Becomes Right Now, the podcast where we dive deep into the moments of transformation, the times when not yet shifts into right now and everything changes. I'm your host, Jen Ginty and this podcast is all about those pivotal moments in our life journeys. You know the ones when the hesitation fades, when we take that first step, even if it feels like a leap. It's in these moments that growth and healing begins. Each episode will explore stories of resilience,

moments of clarity, and the sparks that ignite real change. From personal experiences to expert insights, we'll uncover how people navigate the complex journey we call life and come out stronger on the other side. Whether you're searching for that spark in your own life or just curious about how change unfolds for others, you're in the right place. We'll discuss the ups and downs, the breakthroughs and setbacks, and how to embrace the right now, even when it feels out of reach. Because sometimes,

The hardest part of the journey is realizing that the moment you've been waiting for has already arrived. So take a deep breath, settle in, and let's get started.

When Not Yet Becomes Right Now (01:12)
Hello and welcome to When Not Yet Becomes Right Now. Today I have a wonderful guest, Crystal Robinson. She's an NBC-HWC, and I'm gonna have to ask about that, author and holistic nutrition and wellness coach dedicated to empowering individuals to embrace transformation and live authentically. After overcoming personal challenges, including medical trauma and a toxic work environment.

Crystal shifted from a successful engineering career to her true purpose in holistic healing and coaching. Through her work, she helps clients connect mind, body, and spirit, guiding them toward clarity, balance, and personal growth. Crystal is also a dynamic speaker and advocate, sharing her journey to inspire others to overcome obstacles and create meaningful change. Welcome, Crystal. Thank you for having me. thanks. so fun.

Thanks for coming on. So, you know, let's just get into it. What is what you would consider your origin story? My origin story. Many, many years of just not listening to my body, not listening to my inner self, not even understanding my inner self. Living not authentically living for what everybody else expected. I think it's probably a big part of it.

And what that led to was a lot of dis-ease in my body, you know, not just based on what I was doing to it, but just not dealing with like the emotional mental angst that was just constantly going on and just like shoving it all down in my body, just being like, nope, this is gonna wake you up. Nope, this is gonna wake you up. And just getting like one thing after another, after another sicker and dealing with numerous medical conditions that were.

either uncurable or almost insurmountable. Wow. So were these conditions like throughout your life or did they start manifesting at a particular point in life? They definitely manifested. It's it, you know, I, when I look back at my whole story and it's something that you don't notice until you, you know, the hindsight thing, I noticed that I was having issues even when I was younger, when I was like a teenager, I had stuff that was

little unexplainable, like the doctors didn't necessarily know what was going on, but it was obvious there was something wrong. I had a tumor in my neck when I was like 13 and I had like this really large lump and they were like, oh, we think it's a tumor or cyst. And this was way back in the eighties. And did they really know, you know, did they even have the technology they had back then they have now? And they went in and removed them and they were lymph nodes that were swollen. Wow.

And like they should have never removed lymph nodes that were swollen, right? Like why were they swollen? And that's like something that like nobody even asks. Nobody goes like why, or, you know, they were just like, okay, they're removed, the lump's gone now and nothing to worry about. And I look back and I know that like there was all kinds of things going on in my childhood that I was just like not dealing with. I was just suppressing and just doing everything to make everybody happy in my life. And it was just coming out in my body.

And in my thirties, was anaphylactic shock to multiple foods out of nowhere. Wow. Things that I had always eaten and that sent me to the hospital numerous times. Anaphylactic shock, my throat closing, all of that. was. Frightening terrorizing. I had PTSD. I was like afraid to eat anything that was like a huge like life altering moment for me. Really like put me into a hole, you know, mentally.

I was like on anti-anxiety medication, having panic attacks. And as I came out of that and kind of learned holistically how to like eat and treat my body, I got lupus. wow. And it was just like one thing after another. And I do believe after I look back and reflect that it's just all of those things were just my body trying to tell me that I wasn't.

living the way I should live. wasn't doing what I should do. I wasn't being authentic. wasn't, you know, being me. And then it collimated in a brain tumor in 2019. Wow. my goodness, Crystal. Yeah, a lot of stuff. That's a lot of stuff. And, you know, you had mentioned that you, you know, there were so many things in when you were a child that you just shoved down. And, you know, I think that that's, that's a very generational thing for us. I mean, I'm Gen X.

And I feel like we were the push it down and hide it generation. Right? Because we learned that from the boomers. Right. Right. So it's so easy for us to talk about it like that because I think that that was just the way that you grew up in our time. Right. Yeah. It's society's expectations. Right? Right. mean, it was like, show you're strong. Don't show any weakness.

right? No matter what it was and always make sure everybody thinks you're happy and that you make everybody else happy. And, you know, it just leads to like, just massive dis-ease. Like you're just totally not comfortable with anything and you're just fake almost. It's what it feels like. You're like you're living this facade.

Yes, you know, that I always say this is that I felt in my family, I mean, we were hiding a very big secret where there was a lot of abuse in our our family as a children. But I always look back and think of the one line, it's better to look good than to feel good. Is what it felt like, like as long as you're showing yourself as, know, you're winning at life. That's all that matters, right? It doesn't matter the destruction that's happening behind that facade.

This is the way that you show yourself in society. And that's what society expects. I think it's kind of still there too, especially with social media, right? yeah. look at like, it's just, it's gotten worse. Although there at least is, you know, people that are, looking at emotions and feelings and mental health and, how that affects physical health and overall wellbeing. And that's why I get into what I'm doing. Like I just totally realized that

there's just nobody out there really doing it on a regular basis. And then once I really get into it, I'm like, yeah, they're out there, but they're just, they're not mainstream. Right. Right. Everybody's going Western medicine and you know, the doctors are like, I don't know, take this. It'll cover it up. You know, this, this will solve that problem, but it's not the root. You know, it's just symptoms like, yeah, we can, we can fix this. We can fix that. And yeah, do you need doctors when you break an arm or you break a leg or

when you get a brain tumor that has to come out, you do. But like when you really look at it, all of the things that happen, I think it happens definitely way more to women. It actually does. There's numerous studies out there, specifically now that say that more women get autoimmune conditions. And that's because we just suppress stuff. Yeah, it's our mind suppressing more than just the feelings and the thoughts that we have. It's suppressing our being.

You know, it's like complex PTSD. changes your body chemistry. It changes the neurons in your brain. And when you shove things deep down inside, you're suppressing everything. Right, right. It changes completely who you are. And when you start kind of opening that up and actually getting curious and seeing, like giving yourself a little bit of the light of day, you know, as opposed to hiding in the dark,

you feel like free and fulfilled and more yourself and you can heal. Yeah. And you know, as we were talking about the now society is that there's this whole new idea that now you have to play to a camera all the time because you're always on camera, right? And I always tell my kids, I'm so glad I grew up in the eighties where there were no

phones that were constantly videoing and capturing moments. I got to do whatever the hell I wanted to do. And as long as I didn't get caught, great. Yeah, nowadays you're always going to get caught, right? Right. of the cameras. And then maybe, you know, things escalate a lot quicker because of how accessible everybody is. Right. So how much stress are we putting on ourselves just by holding that phone in our hand?

Not just because we're staring at it all the time, but because we're monitored. You know, we're being monitored. Yeah. not just by like, you know, whoever's on the other end, everybody, everybody's monitoring everybody and everybody's mimicking everybody. and like who is authentic and who isn't? It's really hard to know. Right. It's true. So you have this tumor. And so this is I mean, this is you've been going through a lot

of major medical issues and then to top it off with now you have a tumor in your brain. What happens next? Well, I had it removed when they found out about it. I was having symptoms that were micro seizures. I had whacked my head and I thought I maybe had a concussion and I didn't really reflect back that I'd probably been having some symptoms and didn't realize it.

Like I've been having headaches since I was a teenager. I used to get migraines all the time. So it was like headaches never fazed me. was just like, it was just part of me. I never questioned them. So the fact that I got headaches didn't change it, but like my balance was a little off and, I was wondering why, even though it was like working with a personal trainer at the gym to try to like correct my balance because I danced as a hobby. was a ballroom dancer as a hobby and

the balance was off and I was like, what's going on? was like, well, then I would blame it on all the medications I was on from the lupus and stuff like that. So there was always like an excuse. Like we never really see the symptoms. And I had whacked my head. So I went to the doctors just to say like, well, if I have a concussion, I guess I kind of need to know because we were going on vacation and I didn't want to like go away and maybe have to restrict my activities. And so they're like, okay, yeah, this isn't right. I had a video of like my face twitching.

It was really weird. And I was just like, it's been doing this like every day and now it's getting like longer and longer. And he saw the video and he's like, yeah, we're going to do a CAT scan just to see you might have a concussion. And they did it and they were like, no, we see something. We need to do an MRI. They had to go from like one to the next. And I'm like, well, maybe it's just something to do with the lupus. I was just blaming it on that. And even though I felt like I was done with the lupus, had healed it. was.

pretty much off of all the almost all the medications by then. And they did the MRI and they just they called me afterwards, like I went back to work and they called me and they were like, you need to go on this medication right away and you need to see a surgeon you have a brain tumor. my goodness. They just blurted that out. yeah. What? That's crazy. I mean, obviously they give you the information on the phone, but to just kind of blurt it out like that, like, hey, you need surgery.

Get your ass to the hospital. You to have your head opened up. Yeah. It was kind of crazy. And we were supposed to go on vacation like the next day. And I remember like breaking down a little and then like pulling myself back together and being like, OK, like I had just dealt with so much. had previously dealt with the lupus and I had like healed that I had dealt with the PTSD. I had dealt with losing my stepmom the year before. And I was just like, I

I can do this. Like, let's get into research. Who's going to help me? I live close to Boston. I'm going to find like one of the best neuro, you know, neurosurgeons. I can do this. And so I had like a really great mindset, but I think it was because I had been doing the work. So I had gone into it without the victim mentality that I had when I first got the lupus diagnosis, where I was just like, you know, you really like become that, that label.

I mean, does it feel like a life sentence type thing? Yeah, it was. They were like, this is uncurable. And I say it's bullshit. It's not uncurable. But because I've I've cured it. I haven't had a symptom in since 2019. So now the brain tumor was another thing I had to deal with. But they basically two weeks later, they went in and opened up my head and took it out. It was bigger than a golf ball. Wow. And it was right behind my left eye. And.

It was, you know, a life altering event. Cause like going into that, you know that anything can happen. They're opening my brain. I could die on the table or I could not come back myself. could, you know, they're in my brain and this tumor like pushed my brain. So there was like this big, you know, space that had been pushed out and they took it out and there was this like space, like the brain had to like, re go back in and it takes months.

Yikes. For your body. So it's like all this pressure that was going on had took time, but I don't know. I'm better now. I'm healthier now. I'm 51 and I'm not on any medications at all. You know, I don't all here and there if I need it. And that's it. Um, I, I eat really clean. I like the holistic nutrition helped me. So I trained in that so I could help others. And I went right into like all the coaching and all of that.

And the year after the brain tumor, I lost my dad unexpectedly. So it was like, all right, I think I'm done. And that's when I think I really noticed that like all of these things were happening for a reason.

Yeah. Each thing like colminated to teach me what I needed to go through the next. Yeah. And to teach me what I needed to go through the next and then the next. And my mediumship developed after the brain tumor came out and that helped me go through my father's death. It was just like one thing after another. And it was just, okay, like you need to start listening to yourself, to your brain, to your body, to your spirit.

and connect with that. And that's when I knew, like I went back to work after having the brain tumor, like literally five weeks later. I mean, you think about it. had my head opened and I went back to work five weeks afterwards. Even when you have a baby, you're usually home for eight weeks. Wow. So pressure to go back to work was there. It was, it was insurmountable. You know what I mean? Like that, that I was a vice president.

I was needed, you know, it was, and then even going back, was just like, it was just so heavy on me. I just knew it wasn't what I was supposed to be doing. So it was like trying to find my purpose, trying to find where I'm supposed to go because I feel like I had done this career all for somebody else. Yeah.

I felt that pressure throughout my entire life to do the things that people expect of me rather than doing the things that feel right, that feel like home to me. Right. Yeah. Like, or I've heard this, you know, said a lot and I use it a lot with other people. Like what is a "Full Body Yes" For you. Like what, when you, when you talk about it, you just open up and you're joyful. Like then that's for you. Yeah. You're, know,

questioning and then maybe it's not. And so going into coaching other people and helping others with, you know, the mind, body, spirit connection and their nutrition and, their spirituality and the mindset work and the limiting beliefs and the core beliefs and, figuring all that out so they don't get a brain tumor became my mission. Yeah. Yeah. And you felt so strongly.

about it that that's you're right. If you have the whole yes, is that what you said it was the whole yes? Whole body yes. Yeah. Whole body yes. it's yeah. You can feel it. That's such a great way of putting it because I've gone through many iterations of working for people, entrepreneurship, that kind of thing. And when you come across that thing that feels right and

you're helping people and you're understanding yourself better as you're going through it. It just becomes purpose. Yeah. And your job should be your purpose, right? Yeah, exactly. And that's what it was. It was it was finding out who I really was underneath all the masks and what I was really put here to do, why I'm here, what my purpose is and what lights me up inside.

what fulfills me. So tell me what is NBCHWC? National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. okay. So yeah, when I got certified, it was a long process for that particular certification. I actually get to put initials after my name. I love that. It was something. Yeah, I went from, you know, VP of Engineering to National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach.

How was that switch for you?

I'm still feeling it. I've done it slowly. I opened my coaching business two years ago and that business kind of had morphed as I continued to study and gain my certifications. And I worked part-time in engineering, just like mostly mentoring, you know, my engineering team at the time. And then I finally realized that, you know, I was hanging onto it because of the money, right?

And it was just like, I don't, I don't need to continue to do this, to continue to live this life just because that's what I'm expected to do. Or just because, you know, I'm a VP, like it's a title. It's a, it's a thing. You know, I climbed that whole ladder while I had kids, like did everything everyone expected and really probably should have just gone backwards and not done that, you know, but it does shape you into who you are. And

The science always thrilled me. I loved the science part of it. So, and then the woo is really interesting. So now I'm a coach that blends them both. That's great. You know, you take all of your strengths and you put them into your purpose and it works and it's helping others. It's great. So, you know, what, tell me a little bit more about your coaching, like what are, what are your principles or what are the things that you find most important in your coaching?

So the main thing I find in my coaching, it's not always seen in all coaching, depending on the type of coaching you're looking for. But what I do is whoever comes in and works with me, they're whole, just the way they are. You're not broken, right? And no matter what it is that you want to achieve, whatever that vision is, I'm not gonna tell you how to get there. Yeah, right?

It's my job to pull out of you what we need to examine. What's not serving you? What is serving you? What you're pulled for? What your vision is? What your core beliefs are? What your limiting beliefs are and how to overcome those, creating that massive intention and then creating the goals and the action plans to create that intention. Really combining the whole mind, body, spirit, collaborative, because I found for me,

just doing the body work, the nutrition and going to the gym and all that. I was still getting sick. I looked really healthy and fit, but I was super sick. So it's like that's that's not the right barometer. You know, that's not the right scale of of whether or not you're healthy. It really is the mind, body and spirit connection, because I started doing the mindset work when I had the lupus and I still had the brain tumor.

And after that brain tumor came out, I connected spiritually. I found my own spirituality, my own spiritual practice, my own connection to my own divinity and my connection with the universe. Yeah. I feel the same way about spirituality. I'm not necessarily a religion person, but I'm very spiritual. And I think that having faith in something is really important.

And as you said, connecting all three of those things. So you've got your physical health down. That's great. Mentally, you're working through the things you need to work through. That's great. Now, do you have faith in something that you know at the end of the day it's there for you? Yeah. And that's what creates your purpose and your intention, right? Is that spirituality side, right? That faith.

That's how you get your intentions and creating your vision. You can't have vision without having a thought that there's something greater. And connecting, whether it's religion, an organized religion for you, not for me, I kind of pick and choose what I want to believe. And finding out how that fits for you and not letting other people's

you know, thoughts cloud that. I think that's super important. And, that's what I allow. I work with people that, you know, are sometimes super religious and that's great. We'll, we'll follow that for you because that's you. And then how do we tap into that part of it to help the others, you know, it's, it's really a connection. And for me, because I grew up Catholic, but it was like, nobody around me really practiced or anything. It was just like,

a religion that was just something nobody did. And then when I really looked into it, it just didn't fit me. You know, there was things like, I was like, well, this, this makes sense, but this doesn't. And I just decided, well, I'll just take what I like from certain things and leave the rest. Yeah. I don't see any other way, really, honestly. There's, there's going to be something in everything that kind of like clicks, I'm a Catholic.

went to Catholic school, that, and with my background, with our trauma and with our abuser, we used to go to Catholic church with my abuser it became for me, again, it's the better it'll look good than it feel good. You're showing up to church to show everyone that you're a happy, great family and you're doing so well. But behind the scenes,

there's all this trauma and trouble. And, so I lost that faith in religion. kind of make this idea of making me believe that, honor the people that harm you I was like, let me just find what works for me.

Yeah, I think when you're subjected to, you know, that authority figure, right? For me, it was toxic work environment. It was sexual harassment, like that I just didn't understand because I was brought up in kind of a similar kind of situation. Like I didn't know it wasn't normal to talk about some of the things that were talked about or to act certain ways around people. But when it came to being in a corporation,

not necessarily corporation, a large company that the higher ups are doing it, and, you're just ignoring it, but they are the authority figures. Yeah, they are. And what do you do? Right. And you're a woman in a male dominated field just didn't help it. I can imagine, I can imagine how, you must've felt isolated in a way.

Yeah, but a lot of it, just kind of pushed aside. I just ignored, shoved away. Right? Like our emotions. Yeah. just, was just like, this is just the way it is. This is what you have to deal with. Right. And then the Me Too movement came out in 2017 and it was just like, you mean this isn't okay. I should be dealing with this. And then I still did because I was like, well, I need to take care of my family.

you know, and I had all of that going on and I had my own health issues going on and it was just like, what is it going to do for me to rebel? In this point, it was just, okay, no, I'm going to change my mindset and how I react and start standing up for myself. And then after the brain tumor, was like, yeah, I'm not putting up with anything anymore. Sorry. Yeah, I'm super woman now. I, I, I'm not dealing with your crap. That makes total sense to me that you're just like, look,

This came out of my head and I'm a rock star. Yeah, and I feel the one who made it grow. So I'm done with you. It's it's that journey that you had to take. Yeah, yeah. And it's it's I don't think I would. I don't regret any of it. Like, you know, so many people are like, you dealt with that. you dealt with that. that too. It was all.

purposeful.

you learned something from it. to learn and because I wasn't listening they had to keep whacking me and be like, listen, like, come on, wake up, we're giving you these signs and you're not paying attention. So what would you tell someone who is in a similar situation? Someone who's, you know, maybe caught in an atmosphere that is repressive and, also having these kinds of health issues. advice would you give them?

Get support. That was the biggest thing for me. Get support. And even though, you know, your family is going to support you in certain ways and your friends are going to support you in certain ways, they are not going to tell you the things that you don't want to hear. They never do. And for me, that support was, you know, therapists, holistic nutrition, my holistic nutrition healer.

was also practicing like classic Chinese medicine and energy medicine. And, you know, he would tell me things and I'd be like, okay. You know, and I, and then I would start to wake up and then working with a therapist and then working with a coach and the coach would, you know, still even today, yesterday I worked with my coach yesterday, like coaches need coaches too. And it's funny, I was going to do a post today and I haven't gotten to it yet, but like we still have limiting beliefs and we still,

every day, no matter how much work we do, there's something that's going to come up. And for me, like hearing my coach spit back stuff at me that I do with other people, because I am letting myself go outside of, you know, my normal conventions and getting in the overwhelm and not understanding that I'm out of balance because I'm just trying to focus, but I'm not, because there's too many things to focus on and having her go, nope, here we go. And I'm like,

I do that every day with all my clients. We don't do it ourselves. No, and I think you're very right about people needing the support that's going to be outside of your family and friends. when I had my right now moment, I knew I had to put together a team, a team outside of who I live and breathe with, because they're going to tell me the truth, like you said, like your coach does.

I have a therapist, an individual therapist, and she tells me like it is. I tell her the things that I would never tell my friends and family, right? And she's a third party, so she's not involved in my life. Right, exactly. It's so important. But the stigmas, right? And that's, think, what held me back for so long. There was such a stigma over mental health. know, I even remember like going to see a therapist when I was a teenager.

over my parents' divorce and my father laughing about it. Right? And it was like, I was less than because of it. And then I remember it a few years later, one of his close friends who became like one of my surrogate parents during the process telling me, well, you know, after you went to those couple of sessions and you were done, your father kept going.

He'd never admit that, right? It was like things like that. It was just like never allowed. It was like, oh, if you're going to something, then you're crazy or something's really wrong with you. And that's not true. We all need to be able to just speak our truth and get it out. It needs to come out one way or the other. And maybe if, you know, you're super afraid to go to a therapist, try a coach or you're super afraid of a coach. Start writing, start journaling, get it out of your brain. Yeah.

When I knew I had to develop my team around me, I knew part of that was inpatient. I needed to go inpatient. And I, myself, I live right near Boston as well. And we have one of the biggest mental health hospitals in the country, McLean Hospital. And I had been there when I was a teenager. I'd been there before. And I knew that this was the place that was going to help me create the

I don't know how the building blocks, right? The structure, the structure with my individual therapist, with inpatient getting the things that need to be figured out, done in a safe environment. And, you know, work right there. Yeah. Safe. Right. And then having the group therapies after I hated group therapy back when I was a kid, hated it. But as an adult, it was, it's an amazing

Community. Yeah, that's what I love about doing group coaching because there is a camaraderie of that community, right? Like you're not alone. We're all dealing with stuff. And it doesn't mean that your stuff is bigger than theirs or theirs is bigger than yours. It doesn't matter. We all just have stuff. And in order to live, we need to be able to like process it and connect with community. And that's a big part of it.

I talk about these eight elements of wellness. This is one of the things that I do with my clients and community is one of them. If you completely have no community whatsoever, you're missing out on that complete element that you need in your whole version of wellness, your whole health. And environment's a big one too, right? Environment, your mental health, your spiritual health, your community, your...

professionalism, whatever that is, if that's a career or if that's nonprofit or is that your purpose or what is that? These are really fundamental pieces of how we live a happy, healthy and fulfilled life. right. And I think it's really like the safety part of it is huge. Like you saying safe, like that's what a lot of people are missing and that's what outside help can give you.

You're right. that's why we're afraid sometimes when we're talking to friends or family. Maybe we feel like they're going to tell somebody else and then we're not safe. Right. And we're never going to tell them, especially about our emotions, because we don't want them to, feel badly for us. Right. Or judge us or judge us. Yeah. I get a lot of judging.

And I've worked my ass off to become a non-judgmental person. And my kids will tell you that I didn't work. But I work on it every day. And safety is really important. If you don't feel safe with the people that you're around every day, you need to find that safety in something that can hold you.

Right. Yeah, I think it's super important if that is something that's going on in your life, if you don't feel safe every day. Like, I didn't feel safe in a work environment every day for many, many years. And you didn't feel safe at home for many, many years. like, why do we put up with those things? Because we don't really know any better, right? We just, this is what we're supposed to do. That's what we were taught.

it's gotta be a big thing. Like if you don't feel safe, get out, talk to somebody. it's, I don't know how else to like scream it from the rooftops, right? To like tell people, safety is like number one. And yeah, it's one thing to see, like if you go into doctor's offices and you go into the bathrooms and there's always posters, don't feel safe, call here or do that. And I think when a lot of people see that, they think, only in life or death situation.

Right? The judgment, the limiting belief comes up. Yeah. That's not for me. Right. And you know, there are so many reasons why, people do not leave situations right away. And I think that that is the fear of, I don't know, being a being a different person. I struggle with my healing because

I am afraid that it'll change me as a person, my identity as a person, right? And that scares me. If I'm not hypervigilant all the time, if I'm not, you know, like mistrustful of strangers or even non-strangers, then that's going to change my personality and me as a person. And who are you? Right, right. But that doesn't define you. See, that's one of the really important things that I

feel like I do with people like you're letting your life circumstances define you. And yes, they shape you, but they don't define you. What you are is part of a soul being that came in when you were born. And I think it's why a lot of people, therapists, coaches, spiritual workers, we talk about going back to that inner child, because that child was super innocent. And that's where

your creativity and where your true self is before all of these things were piled on top of it. Right? And I am not the same person I was five years ago, 10 years ago, 15 years ago. I'm completely different. Yeah. And I feel I'm completely different and I'm the better for it too. Yeah. And I think back to, I, the whole premise of this podcast is the saying the not yet.

and then having that moment, the night yet for me was fear. Just absolute fear that, you know, at first it was fear that I wouldn't be able to do my career. And then the fear of, you know, being in a marriage and working on myself. And then the fear of being a mother and how could I possibly take time from these beautiful souls for me? Right. Every mother feels that way. Right. Right. And then, and then your body will...

take it for you. Right. Exactly. And whether that's your mind or illness or whatever, it's if you don't do it, it will happen. I have regrets that I didn't work on this before having children or during having my children when they were young. And so I do, I say that a lot to people is like, the journey now. I know it feels like it's a burden.

It feels so scary. It feels like you're being selfish, but you're not. When you heal, when you start your healing process, you're helping others too. You're helping others to understand that they deserve to heal as well. And it's a ripple effect, right? As soon as you start changing everything about you, like it can take one little thing. You become calmer, you become less reactive.

your whole demeanor changes and anybody that's around you is gonna feel that effect. So it becomes a ripple effect and they start changing and they start becoming less reactive. And that's really what it's about. It's about living in harmony with our fellow human beings, you know, and actually enjoying life. Like this beautiful thing called life, you know, this human experience that we just don't enjoy. I

I ask people like when they say, well, I can't right now, I'm going to be selfish. Well, if not now, then when? Right. Like, what are you waiting for? Don't you want to be happier? Don't you want to be healthier? Don't you want to be more fulfilled in everything you do and have that ripple off on your parents, your kids, your siblings, your friends? Like nobody else is going to do it for you. But your body will eventually make you do it.

Yeah, that's what happened to me. If ignore it. that's where disease comes from. Well, it happened with you with the brain tumor is similar situation. I didn't have a brain tumor, but the brain fog, the exhaustion, the inability to communicate with others all came around when it was the right now moment. And that's when I knew, okay, it's time to be quote, selfish, because that's what it was. was looking at it. It's not.

But that's what I thought to myself. Well, in order for me to be a better person for others, I have to do this for me. It becomes so and this is a society thing. So. Separated when it's the brain. The brain is like the most complicated organ in the body. Yes, when stuff's going on with the brain, right, the blame it on like maybe an autoimmune condition or maybe your hormones are off.

They're trying to blame it on something else, but it's the brain. And it has to think and it has to be uncomfortable. And it doesn't like to be uncomfortable. As soon as it's uncomfortable, it's like putting on the brakes. And that's the thing that I keep telling people like when you're uncomfortable, go through. It's super scary. Like I think fear is what holds everybody back. And it's

maybe fear of getting hurt, maybe fear of feeling guilty, fear of judgment, fear of not being enough. Why are you afraid? What is it? Right. And sitting with it. It's so hard to sit with your feelings.

I make a joke to everyone and my therapist loves it. She thinks it's hilarious. I always say, I created a podcast to run away from my own feelings because I didn't want to sit with them. You know, like I'd start to get uncomfortable with them and was like, what can I do now? What can I do for my company? What can I do to make sure that I am not thinking about the stuff that's bothering me? But I should be.

I should be sitting with it. And I even preach that in my, so with my other company, my Moody Monster, I have these moody talks and that's, I preach it all the time. You have to sit with your feelings. You have to get through it. This will pass. But it's so difficult. It is. It's really difficult. But I think it's like, it's like the procrastination that we do with anything else.

If there's anything like, I don't, I hate the laundry. I'm not doing the laundry. You procrastinate, procrastinate and point. You're like, I'm not a clean clothes. I have to do laundry. Right. It's like, but we do the same thing when it comes to our brain. It's something we don't want to do. So we put it off and we put it off and we put it off. And then it's just like, it's going to go, Nope. You can't put it off anymore. Right. It's, it's, it's super important, I think for anybody to just dive into you.

Stop covering yourself up. And it's not selfish. It's not selfish at all. We all deserve to focus on ourselves and make sure that we're okay. Not that just everybody else in our life is okay, that we're okay too. Well, that's the true thing of it, right? The only thing we could control is ourselves. We can't control our children. We can't control our parents.

can't control our coworkers, can't control somebody up the street, neighbors, friends. We can't control what happens in the world. You can't control any of those things. The only thing you can control is you. And we run away from controlling ourselves and try to control the stuff we can't. It's true. And if you come back to you, you'll be surprised.

at how calm you become when you realize I can control me. Yeah. Wow. We got into it. I love it. So tell us where we can find you, Crystal. my company's name is Crystal Moon Holistic Healing. That's a great name. Me, Crystal Robinson.

you can find me, you know, online at my own website, crystal moon holistic healing. You can find me on Facebook and Instagram under the same. You can find me on LinkedIn under my name, crystal Robinson. you can email me, my services are on my website. There's all kinds of stuff on social media. I put out like some free stuff. Just, you know, follow. Reach out. Even if you just want a one hour free consultation, I'll work you through where you are, where you want to go.

how you can get there. That's great. And all of that will be in the show notes. So thank you again, Crystal, for coming on. This was such a great conversation. Thank you. I really enjoy just having a conversation and reflecting back and going back and forth and really being able to be open. We all have these crazy experiences that make us who we are. And if we don't share them, how will other people know that

they're seen, they're heard, they're validated. Yes, Thank you so much.

When Not Yet Becomes Right Now (45:30)
Crystal's energy throughout our conversation just emanated positivity and her story is so powerful. She's gone through so many traumas throughout her life and has found reason and purpose through her healing. If Crystal's energy and story feels empowering to you, I recommend reaching out to her. In just the short time we had, I felt so much more empowered myself. So check out the show notes for her information.