Breaking Cycles, Building Strength: Healing, Mentorship, and Intuition with Cat Dunn

When Not Yet Becomes Right Now (00:00)
Welcome to When Not Yet Becomes Right Now, the podcast where we dive deep into the moments of transformation, the times when not yet shifts into right now and everything changes. I'm your host, Jen Ginty and this podcast is all about those pivotal moments in our life journeys. You know the ones when the hesitation fades, when we take that first step, even if it feels like a leap. It's in these moments that growth and healing begins. Each episode will explore stories of resilience,

moments of clarity, and the sparks that ignite real change. From personal experiences to expert insights, we'll uncover how people navigate the complex journey we call life and come out stronger on the other side. Whether you're searching for that spark in your own life or just curious about how change unfolds for others, you're in the right place. We'll discuss the ups and downs, the breakthroughs and setbacks, and how to embrace the right now, even when it feels out of reach. Because sometimes,

The hardest part of the journey is realizing that the moment you've been waiting for has already arrived. So take a deep breath, settle in, and let's get started.

Jen (01:13)
Hello and welcome to When Not Yet Becomes Right Now. Today I have a wonderful guest with us. Her name is Cat and I'm gonna introduce her. Cat Dunn is an award-winning online business manager and mentor who's redefining success for visionary coaches and creatives. With her expertise in streamlined systems and strategic scaling, Cat empowers entrepreneurs to turn big dreams into actionable plans while staying in their zone of genius.

But her path to this incredible success wasn't without challenges. once found herself in a life defined by toxicity and escalating danger, unable to see a way forward. Everything changed when she discovered coaching and began the deep inner work that opened her eyes to a better future. Escaping that life not only saved her, it allowed her to thrive. Now Cat is building a legacy through OBM Motley Crew, a powerhouse community for Australian OBMs, and her mentorship programs for virtual assistants.

She helps others rise to their potential. Welcome, Cat.

Cat Dunn (02:16)
Thank you so much for having me.

Jen (02:18)
Yes,

yes, thank you for coming on the show. Let's right into it. What is your origin story?

Cat Dunn (02:27)
So as people can hear from my accent, I'm originally from a very small working class city called Sunderland, which is in the northeast corner of England. Not many people have heard of it. We do have a documentary on Netflix if you want to check out what Sunderland actually means. But yes, born and bred in that small city. I've basically spent most of my life there. I moved out to a place called York for a time and started my whole career in corporate, which I think a lot of us do.

I originally trained as a performer because I really wanted to be on stage and dance and sing. And I'm definitely a try hard, but I wouldn't say I'm that talented, unfortunately. So I did end up getting corporate jobs and just fumbled my way along, really trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I didn't really have the direction other than I want to be an actress. I did work out. So was like, all right, in corporate, I'll try loads of different things. So I worked my way up from a receptionist.

all the way up to becoming communications and marketing lead for universities, physics and chemistry departments, which is interesting because I don't know anything about chemistry. So that was quite a learning curve, but very fun. I loved working with the students. I loved seeing the progression from when they first started to when they graduated and then did PhDs and to see the way that they developed as adults and the way they just got smarter and really defined who they were at university. It's just a delight to be part of.

And then my sister decided to move to Australia. And coming from such a small city, it felt like moving to planet Mars. It was like, where is Australia? Why on earth would you go there? It's so far away. And what we learn in England is everything wants to kill you. know, the sharks everywhere, the spiders everywhere. It's too hot. All these ridiculous ideas. And eventually she asked me to come visit her. And I did. And as soon as I got off the plane, I fell in love.

with this beautiful country. And then basically, yeah, started a new life here, which was very difficult, very difficult to do from the start. It is quite difficult to live in Australia for several reasons. But when I was here, I found my love of trying to start my own business. And luckily, found a way to do that. I feel like the pandemic, as awful as it was for a lot of people, did teach us that we could have our own businesses and anything could become a business. So was able to start a business as a virtual assistant.

and then became an online business manager. And that's where I am today.

Jen (04:57)
So that was the, we're talking about small beginnings as, wanting to be enacting to, moving to a strange country for you and, building a life up for yourself. That's great, you know? So tell us more about, like what was your not yet moment? What was the thing that, started that journey?

Cat Dunn (05:25)
So.

As I said, I'm from a small working class city. My parents obviously from a completely different generation. You know, now they're actually in their mid seventies that it was ingrained in us. young kids, kind of, you know, you go to school, you go to university, you get a good job, you meet a boy, you get a house, you get married and get kids. And that's just what we were taught. But we weren't taught about, I don't want to say women's rights in the general, but kind of like that you have choices, so to speak. And

From a young age, it was the obsession of like, have to find a boyfriend and find someone who loved me and I have to find someone to take care of me because that's was drilled into me as a child. But what I didn't realize when I was a child is my parents were in a very abusive, very toxic, very dangerous relationship. And we did suffer.

lots of different types of abuse in my household.

which I didn't realize wasn't normal. You cause you go up around that and think that's okay. So when I moved into dating, my dad had taught me several rules as in never get fat, you know, always look attractive, always do as you're told, always make sure the man comes first. So for 20 years, I dated men and allowed them to do whatever they wanted because that's what I assumed I was supposed to do.

So I was in that world and it didn't feel right. So I started going to therapy and working with coaches because I couldn't understand why it didn't feel okay. And that's when I learned that that isn't normal. I was like, okay, light bulb moment. So I worked intensively for about three years. And if anyone who does the work, so to speak, in quotations,

of like digging into your inner child, digging into your childhood and trying to figure out why you are the way you are. I obviously realized that it was the way I was brought up and the things I learned, but also that I can't completely blame my parents because when I look at the way that they were raised and the childhoods that they had, they didn't stand a chance because they were given the opportunity to do the work. They weren't given the opportunity to make different choices that of course they were going to raise us that way. So

I had to do the work to forgive them and say that it's actually okay. As much as I lost two decades of my life being treated ways that shouldn't be treated, it's not their fault. They did the best they could with what they had at the time. But obviously being in that life still, I was doing that work in an abusive relationship.

I did start to wonder if basically that's just all I did deserve, regardless of how much I knew that I should be treated better. I thought basically it might be too late.

Jen (08:18)
Yeah, I am right there with you with that generational trauma that we've had to try to break through. I also came from an abusive family situation and my abuser was taken from our home when I was 14. And the abuse doesn't end there, right? It moves forward in a different look and feel.

but it's still there and we're still being traumatized. And you're right, our parents learned what they were taught and that generational trauma truly does exist. And if you don't have the tools and knowledge to break through, then you're going to continue it to the next generation in your family, right?

Cat Dunn (09:14)
absolutely 100%. But I, it's almost those things, I don't know if anyone in the audience believes in everything happens for a reason or the universe has you back kind of thing. I am a bit woo woo, because I like to think that, you know, there's a greater plan. That's just how I believe that in a way I am grateful for all of it, because I feel like it's made me who I am today. But also,

When I think about when I did, like I did go to therapy, it wasn't really helping because I found you talked about the same thing over and over again and they didn't get any tools to work through it. So when I found coaching and it was life changing, I don't even remember how I found a particular coach or how I stumbled upon it. Like I genuinely can't remember how I did it. And I'm like, it's so interesting that things happen at the right time because in Australia I went seeing this new generation come up, generation, Gen Z, whatever they call themselves.

Obviously in the early 20s and I'm meeting these women who are so switched on, whose whole focus is making sure that they're taken care of, they're taken care of their bodies, they're taken care of their mental health, they're not too fussed about a boyfriend, they don't really go out drinking. They're just such a different generation and it's so rewarding and wonderful. But I know for a fact that if I found this work when I was in my 20s, the way I was, there's no way would have done it. I would have half-arsed it or I would have just pushed it aside or...

figured it wasn't for me or it too woo-woo, so to speak. So I could only really get into this in my mid-30s because that's when I was actually ready, but I didn't know that.

Jen (10:44)
Right, right. It was that not yet, right? I kept pushing off the journey, kept pushing it off out of fear, out of timing, you know, just saying, not yet. I have a career, not yet. I just got married and then finally like not yet. I just had kids. So, you know, how can I take any time away from them? For me, right? Because the way that I grew up, I became the caregiver and that was my role throughout my life.

till my brain said, no, you need to take care of yourself now. And it even said to me, this will not only help you, but it will help everyone else in your life, right? Like my brain automatically knew I had to do it for someone else first before I believed that I needed to do it for me, right?

Cat Dunn (11:33)
I think that's a trap for women a lot because like I don't have children but there's still this innate sense of I have to take care of, I have to give, I have to nurture. Even with past boyfriends who have haven't been the best fit, I've naturally fell into like a mothering role which in itself is quite manipulative from my point of view because obviously I'm becoming someone I wasn't really destined to be but I just want to give, want to take care and they're happier then I can be happier and

If give more than the love me more, then the abuse will stop. It's this thing of always give, give, give. And if you want to take time to work on yourself, do something for yourself, it does feel selfish. How can I take the time for myself? But if you don't, as a witness and from my parents, for example, it does massively affect your entire family because you're just going to repeat patterns and not be able to get out of, as you say, that generational trauma cycle that just keeps happening over and over again.

Jen (12:27)
Yeah, yeah, and I do, I look at these generations, my children are Gen Z. I have to keep thinking about it in my mind, but I do, I look at them with awe, because when I was their age, like nobody could be gay, no one could come out, and I see these groups flourishing.

in these generations that have come from our, they've come from our generation just not knowing what, what was the right thing for us. Because again, we were never taught. We came from older parents and they, you know, they just did the work hard and it's better to look good than to feel good.

And now when I look at these generations, I'm just like, good for them. Thank God that they have, broken free of these cycles.

Cat Dunn (13:34)
Yeah, absolutely. Because then you think, well, we can break the generational trauma and they're starting to be completely different people who are healthy and conscious and aware and supportive. Imagine what the next generation's like. The next generation. The only, I suppose, bugbear I have or difficulty is the way the world's changed when it comes to technology or things like that. Like I love social media. I love the fact that we have smaller TVs now. You know, remember those huge backed TVs. I love internet, which was a nightmare. would ring the home phone. Home phones.

But I'm also like, I'm so grateful though, that I still got to grow up in the time before internet, when you could just ride your bike all day every day, your parents never rang you, you didn't have to say where you were. I do feel like as much as I envy in a way, the way that they're able to grow up, maybe a bit freer, maybe with a bit, a few more rights than we have. I'm so, so glad that I kind of get to almost parallel these two different generations that I got to grow up, probably a bit more freer in the sense of no technology.

less rules, so to speak. Society was slightly different. But then also see the internet coming and the way it's changed. Because, I have a niece, she's obviously only young, and I'm keep thinking like, what is the world going to be like when she's 18, just from the other side of it? Because obviously I'm in Australia, all countries have different rules and there's a lot of unrest in the world that it is awesome, but it's still scary to think we don't actually know what's going to happen in the next 10 years.

and what were they for the next generation. So Gen Z, we're looking at you. Keep it going, keep it up. And we will try our best to meet you there, but yeah, there's a lot of unhealed trauma in our generation. So I don't know if it's actually gonna be fixed in this lifetime.

Jen (15:16)
Yeah, I agree with you. I always tell my boys I loved growing up in the 80s because I didn't have a camera constantly on me. I didn't have someone videoing the things that I shouldn't be doing, but I am doing. Like we got away with a lot back then. And now all of these kids are on video constantly.

Cat Dunn (15:41)
It's exhausting. Like I have a business, I'm on socials, I get it, we have to be, but it's constant and it's even the way that you almost can't function any part of your day without it being documented somewhere. And I even find myself, I don't know, walking down a nice parkway or there's a sunset or I have a really nice plate of food and like my instant reaction is to get out my phone. And I'm like, when did that happen? It's so interesting for me. I have to document it.

Nobody cares. Nobody's going to look at it. And I'm not going to look at it.

Jen (16:15)
We take these photos and then we don't even look at

Cat Dunn (16:18)
Yeah, and I don't care. I'm not doing it for clicks. So why am I doing it? To capture it? Well, I can remember it, right? Or I could write about it in my journal or something. It doesn't have to be on an Instagram post, but it has become second nature and it's little bit terrifying to be honest.

Jen (16:32)
It is. It really is. So tell me more about how you became a mentor.

Cat Dunn (16:43)
It happened almost, kind of, again, it's one of those things that I didn't really plan out to per se. I've been coached for quite a few years now. I've worked with a different variety of coaches, life coaches, relationship coaches, business coaches, all those kinds of things. And when it came to, so I have a, I've worked with business coaches in general, and obviously they teach you all sorts of different things. But what I was finding was.

In the world that I live in, in business, there's virtual assistants and there's online business managers. And there's all those different people that come off that, know, social media experts, et cetera. That there's a lot of VA coaches. There's a lot of VA support. That's how I became a virtual assistant. It's fantastic. When I came to OVMs, I I found a mentor who's English, but she lives in Europe. And then I was joining groups that they were all American based, which was great, but obviously with time zone differences and then couldn't share clients because I'm only insured to work with Australian clients.

I was getting a bit, I feel a bit lonely and a bit lost and how do I connect with others? So I was trying to come up with an idea of how can I bring them all together? And so I tried to launch a program that was the OBM Motley crew, but it was like a paid thing of trying to give them things I thought they wanted. And she went to the launch field. Everyone said they were interested. Everyone said they wanted to join and then only one person signed up and I was like, this is interesting. Okay.

So rather than sit in a hall and waddle, I spoke to one of my first VA coaches and I was like, what am I missing here? What am I doing wrong? And she said, you're speaking to the wrong audience. So you're trying to attract women who are already quite established OVNs. And yes, they want the community, but in a way you're there. I wouldn't say equal, but I would say you're the peer and probably that if it's just not aligned, they probably just want to catch up but not be like actually set into something that's, you know, quite concrete.

And she said, do you need to be targeting virtual assistants? I said, I know, but they're not OBMs. went, what about the ones who want to become OBMs? And I went, wow. And then it kind of clicked of like, oh, when I want to become a VA, I work with you because I needed that extra support. She's like, yes. So the women who are looking for the OBM support, where are they going to go? And I said, well, I know there's one in Europe and I know there's one over here in America. like, yeah, where's the Australian one? Ah. I was like, all right, cool. So.

This is why you work with coaches, because coaches see things that you don't. So I put on a free masterclass, how to transition from VA to OBM, specifically targeting Australian VA to OBMs as a way to be like people who want to do it. Here's really good masterclass, loads of free advice. I want to teach you exactly how to do it because it seems simple, but it can be quite difficult. And a lot of it is mindset, you know, I can't charge that much. I'm not experienced enough. All those kinds of things that we tell ourselves as women.

And then I basically launched into a one-on-one mentorship and the program is eight weeks and they get access to me to like specifically for your business, where you are right now and where you need to be, what do we need to do? Because I didn't like the idea of selling another course or a program where it's like, you have to do all these set modules and then you become XYZ because half the time it doesn't really relate to particular businesses. You need to really know what their problems are. So I've worked with almost 10 women now, which has been wonderful.

And from that, I get to clean what actually are the problems happening right now? What are the issues they're facing? What else can I give the OVM world that no one else is giving, particularly in Australia, to help us basically teach people what OVMs are anyway, how we can help develop our skills and build a community where it's okay to go, I'm stuck, can you help me? Or I'm having a really bad time, can I have a moment? So from the field launch, so to speak, I've been able to mentor women one-on-one and help them.

get clients and get clear on the pricing and launch their businesses and rebrand their businesses and all these amazing things. And the women who didn't sign up, which is amazing, it's fine. I said, right, let's make it free. I'll create a free Facebook group. I'll have regular call. I'll have resources in there. I'll share job leads. And now it's 75 members and it's just been a wonderful failed launch. Best thing that happened to me because it made me become mental because I think that was a natural next step for me. But then also to create this community of everything that I wanted.

those begins.

Jen (20:56)
Yes, yes. And we talked about the right people before, you know, you said you had gone to therapy and therapy just wasn't doing it. The person that you were doing therapy with just wasn't helping. And then you found this coach. The people are everything, right? I've gone through, therapists where it's not clicked and, you can't give up.

On something like that, right? You have to move forward and find other people to help you and help you evolve. And you're doing that now for your community and community is so important. I talk about this a lot on, on the podcast, but when I was young, I couldn't stand like group therapy. I was thrown into it and I couldn't stand it. But when I became an adult, knowing

that there is this community that we have the same things in common. We all have PTSD. We all have depression, anxiety. And knowing that there are other people out there who understand and may have more experience is really important. And you've opened that up for people.

Cat Dunn (22:11)
Yes, I'm the same. totally agree. When I started working in the coaching world, I was kind of launched straight into that group. I would say group therapy, group coaching space. And that was so alien to me. In a way, I was like, why are these women sharing? Why aren't they competing? Because that's what I learned. I learned that women didn't like each other and we had to compete, especially in front of men and all those stories. So women have been so vulnerable and sharing. But when they shared, even if it wasn't specifically your problem, you could find a way to relate.

And so what I was like, group coaching is interesting. We get to share and actually learn from each other. So that now I actually seek out group coaching because half the time you're going to learn from someone else sharing because you were either going to ask the same question or you didn't even know you had that question to ask and so much power in it. What's been interesting with the way I've been doing it is the women who come and mentored with me have specifically wanted the one on one. And I was like, it must be because, you know, it's very tailored to their business, et cetera. But what I'm learning is

They're just scared. They're scared to be in front of group of women saying, don't know what or I haven't got a pay client yet, or my system's not set up properly, or I'm scared I'm going to fail, so I'm not going to try. And as someone who's in a lot of group coaching programs and work with a lot of coaches, I kind of forget sometimes that that's actually really hard and we have to start somewhere. Because I remember my first session, I was hiding behind a pillar, dressed all in black, and I was hiding like...

If no one sees me, then no one will ask me a question. Because I want to be invisible and I have to remember that for everybody else, sometimes it's that first step. You have to be really aware and listen to what it is they're actually saying, not just what they think that they want. So my next plan would be to really solidify this group and really get support more. Because I love community. I do that a lot with...

clients and manage their communities. But I feel that as well, that term gets thrown around a little bit and people kind of lose sense of what it means. And it's really important to keep the focus on why does this community exist? What is the point of it? And how can you give more without obviously burning out? Because feel like slums, can give too much in a community and it's not really the right people in there to begin with. So it's like that thing of you have to give as much as they give, but it has to be the right people.

Jen (24:28)
it's interesting. I never really thought of it that way because, community is thrown around everywhere on the online world. And with your specialty, you understand more of the ins and outs of what a community needs, right?

Cat Dunn (24:48)
Yeah, I think so. try to do that. I'm in quite a few communities and I've worked with a lot of clients in their communities. And as much as it might be like one's specifically about AI support, one specifically about OVMs, one specifically about life coaching, one's just... Usually there's themes that are in every single community. And most of time is people just want to be seen. People just want to be heard. People want that support. Even if they're not seeing anything, they just want to be in a supportive place.

They want to be around like-minded people. They want to learn. And if you're anything like me, it's because I'm lonely. And I just want to be able to connect with somebody that might be able to understand who I am, who I am, or like the same things I like, or I can just be in a space and not say anything, but know there's other people around me that can call me with their energy. Because essentially we are a community, we? Like humans grow in...

tribes and they took care of each other and they supported each other. But we've lost that and I think, like a message to the new generation coming in, fantastic, you seem like you've got all your stuff together and you do really well. Get off your phones though, or if you're on your phones, who are you connecting with? Because you're going to lose that. Like I'm missing person events and I want to connect with people. And the pandemic obviously feels like it was a long time ago. People based in Melbourne, Australia, two years of our lives. We were locked down for two years.

And there's still massive ramifications from that affecting people that are bumping into others as well.

Jen (26:19)
Yeah. I think there's a big importance to speak about that community, like what community do you belong to? Are there false communities out there? Because like I see with my 18 year old, I see him getting targeted politically in America.

Yeah, and it's big thing. They target kids from like 14 to like 25, and it's toxic. So there are these toxic communities out there. How do we figure out which ones are appropriate and which ones are just going to drag us down, right?

Cat Dunn (27:06)
God, that's such a hard one. And I feel like I've ignored this a lot. So please don't do what I did and listen to what I say, particularly for women, but all humans have this. It's that gut. It's that gut punch or that gut reaction, which is also intuition. We all know when something's not right. And the more we ignore it, the more it causes pain. For example, I'm so in tune with my gut.

that in the past when I've dated men that are not good for me, I've been physically sick for years. To the point where my body makes me so nauseous that I end up vomiting a lot because my body is trying to reject and trying to let me know that I am unsafe. That was probably an extreme example. But I suppose if you're in a space where...

think a lot of us think with our minds a lot, which we do. We're in that kind technology space. We're like, okay, it's okay. Or, yeah, that didn't feel good, but it's all right, we'll move on. But if you just take one moment to sit with yourself and really think about your body and try and, what am I feeling everywhere? And you're like, it's like a body scan. I always go top my head and I'll be like, what? Right now, I've got really bad lower back pain. Cause my couch is really uncomfortable, but maybe there's something else going on there. That's what I'm focused on. When you think about it, sitting in your gut and go, do I feel okay? Do I feel uncomfortable? Do I want to leave?

And you have to go through with that feeling and half the time it doesn't make sense. think women get this a lot. You you're walking home alone, for example, and there's two pathways home, one's quicker and it's very dark and one's longer and it's very well lit. You know, for a fact, we're going to go the well lit way because our gut straight way just fightings at the dark one because we feel unsafe. Obviously it's very particular for women that we obviously live in a world where we have to feel unsafe all the time, unfortunately, but men have this as well.

Do you feel safe? Do you feel comfortable? If at any point there's something that doesn't quite feel right, it's because there's something not right. And the more you ignore it, the harder it's going to be to leave. And it's really hard for peer pressure. It's really hard because you might think like, yeah, but, or, but I should, or, but can I also? But you have to listen to yourself. And it's so easier said than done.

because I spent 20 years not listening to my gut and now it's 20 years in a world of pain. But now I can go, right, cool. My body was obviously looking at me the whole time. What is it trying to tell me now? And also you can learn from other people. If you're in a community or a group, share that with somebody and say, oh, this happened. I'm not sure how I feel about it. And see other people's reactions. I remember talking about one of my past relationships with new work colleagues and I didn't realize everyone had gone silent and was staring at me.

And I said, well, and they were like, you know, that's so not okay. Like that's actual abuse. And I was just like, do you mean? And I was just telling them what I thought was a funny story. And they're like, that's not a funny story. That's actually really shocking. Oh, maybe if I told that five years ago, I wouldn't be in this situation now. So I was always trust you, speak up, ask other people's opinions. Obviously, now everybody has your best benefits at heart. We understand that. That's why I ask someone you trust.

And also have a way to get out. I think sometimes on the internet as well, we give away a lot. There's a lot of us out there that don't feel like you have to give all of yourself away online or just harder. It's harder to do than it says, but like try and keep something back. You know, don't share too much information, at least upfront, because you don't know who has your best interest at heart and you don't know what they can do with that information.

Jen (30:45)
Yeah, yeah, and I've talked about intuition before and trauma. It took me a long time to trust my own intuition because when you're living in trauma, in complex trauma every day, your intuition doesn't matter because the other person is the one who you can't read. So you can trust your intuition as much as you want. But if that other person is having a bad day or just

wants to be cruel, they will. So it took a long time for me, I think it happened later in life, and when I became a mother, I didn't trust myself with my intuition with my kids. It took a long time for me to read what I was feeling and believe it.

Cat Dunn (31:38)
Yeah, I totally understand that. I'm actually in a healthy relationship right now, first time my entire life, go me. That when I first started dating them, I had to be in therapy at the same time because I couldn't understand why the person was being nice to me or the things that they were doing. And I had to, so I was so uncomfortable with being treated really badly. If someone treated me nicely, I would fight it, I would push away, I would...

react, I would try and get to break up with me. I basically like a badly behaved child to the point where he's so healthy, he has strict boundaries and he would call me out on it. But I was just like, but I don't understand like how am I, I'm behaving the way like it was so complicated and confusing because my gut kept saying, no, no, no, no, no, this can't be good because this doesn't feel comfortable because it's unsafe to feel safe. I had to go to therapy and learn that.

And I had PTSD episodes and it was so difficult that luckily he's patient and a very nice person. Cause I think anyone else would have gone, this is too hard, just walked because I just fought against it so hard.

Jen (32:46)
And you said, because it feels unsafe to be safe. That's such an important thing right there is that's how a lot of people who have lived through complex trauma believe. It's a part of their neurons. It's a part of their body chemistry that they have to fight and rewire themselves to know that safety is the right thing.

Cat Dunn (33:13)
Yeah, absolutely. I remember when I left my last abusive relationship, I basically ran away. I got assistance from an organization to run away. And I was put in emergency housing so could be safe for a while so you couldn't find me. So no one knew apart from them, my location. And when I first got there, obviously I was like, hell that was terrifying. But I bolted the door, locked the door, put stuff against the door. No one's in that room. My room faced against a wall. No one could see me. And I think I slept for almost like 20 hours.

because it was the first time in about three and half years, maybe longer, where I hadn't been walking a little of the night, I'd been on edge, I'd have to constantly be aware of what might happen. And yeah, think for the first two months, I just slept constantly because my body was so exhausted from playing, but also for one second, I finally was like, this is what it's like to be safe. I don't know if I ever felt that safe in my life, which was so strange because I was in middle of nowhere, but I didn't really even know where I was, but no one could get me.

Jen (34:12)
Yeah. Yeah, that is such an amazing feeling when you've for so long felt like anything could happen to you at any time and then suddenly, no, nothing can happen right now. I'm actually in a place where I don't have to be hypervigilant and afraid of the noises around me and what could come from them.

Right.

Cat Dunn (34:43)
Yeah, absolutely. Even now, I live with my partner and we're in separate bedrooms, mainly because he snores, him, and I can't sleep. And also he has two cats and one of them just in and out all night and it's very disruptive. But I can sleep in the other room and close the door and it just, like I said, it feels like that. It's okay, because this is a safe house and he's got me and even though he's in the other room, it's like, but he's there and it's okay. And it's wonderful.

Jen (35:11)
Do you have any advice that you would give to someone out there who is looking to feel safe and to live their lives in the way that they feel most comfortable?

Cat Dunn (35:29)
I'll speak from my experience that, because of what I was going through a lot, I thought was in my own head, that I was overreacting. So I found in my world, safe people. So my sister, my best friend at the time and the community I came apart of when I first found coaching and just started to gently share a little bit of what I've been experiencing. And then was their reactions of like obviously shock, horror, and also like, are you okay? What can I do?

that kind of made me realize, maybe what I'm in is not okay. But then they kept opening the space to say, can just share. Because I wasn't ready to leave, I wasn't ready to change anything. But they just gave me that space to vent or cry or share or even just hang out and not say anything. That if they didn't give that to me, I would have been even more isolated in what I was feeling and not know that it wasn't okay. So I would definitely say, try and find that one person in life that

and can trust them physically. If you don't have them, obviously that's really hard, but maybe it's ringing, like lifeline would be helpful for me. So the equivalent, ring a phone number where people are trained to listen and be on the phone with you for as long as they can. There's also obviously mental health services that you can speak to if you're safe and able to access that. But it's definitely people and it's hard to people. understand it's really hard because you don't know if they have your best interests at heart, but that's where that gut feeling of like, do I feel okay? Is this safe?

and doing the way that feels safest to you. Usually like obviously phone calls are safer depending on what situation you're in, but it's people having the right people in your back, having the right people behind you, you have your back. Like that's the reason I was able to get the chance to leave. And then if you're able to have your own space, it's that thing again of only giving out information that you feel comfortable giving. You don't have to give everyone your address. You don't have be on socials. You don't have to get your phone number.

whatever you feel you need to be protected, you are entitled to not give that away. And that includes family members. Just because you're born into a family does not mean you owe them anything.

Jen (37:37)
Wow, yeah, that's powerful.

Cat Dunn (37:40)
Me and my sister live halfway across the world from my parents and my brother. There's many reasons for that. That in itself is a boundary. And I'm totally okay with that. And I can see them when I want to. Obviously, it's very long plan right away. I speak to them when want to. I put a boundaries with that. This is what I feel comfortable with. And this is you're put with. Just because you give birth to me, you do something, have access to me whenever you like. That's really hard. That's really hard.

or you don't or anybody, anything. If it's gonna affect your peace, keep it.

Jen (38:15)
Yeah. And you are a shining example of overcoming and now giving to the world with your mentorship. And I would love to know where can we find you?

Cat Dunn (38:31)
So I'm on all social channels, mainly Instagram, Facebook and LinkedIn at Cat Louise Dunn, Cat with a C. That's also my website, so you can find me there. Feel free to DM me, have a chat. But yeah, I just, I feel like the more we share our stories, and even if you a story's not that important, it's gonna help somebody or someone's gonna feel seen. We all have a story to share, and the more we share them, the less alone people will feel. And I'm just a big believer in women no longer being silenced.

So please, you can, and if they'll say speak up and share your story.

Jen (39:04)
Yes, yes, absolutely. I totally agree. Well, thank you so much for coming on the show, Cat.

Cat Dunn (39:12)
Thank you for having me. It's been a pleasure.

Jen (39:14)
It has. This conversation has been wonderful. Thank you.

Cat Dunn (39:19)
Thank you for allowing me.

When Not Yet Becomes Right Now (39:24)
Wow, Cat is such a beautiful example of overcoming toxic relationships and thriving in life. It makes me so happy that people like Cat are in this world. She's in Australia, but I have been able to connect with her to be able to share her story. If you would like to learn more about Cat's mentoring and community, please check the show notes for all the information. I hope that our conversation has helped others to feel less alone. Please reach out if you feel you would like to talk.