Rewriting Recovery: A Mindset Shift with David Douglas

When Not Yet Becomes Right Now (00:00)
Welcome to When Not Yet Becomes Right Now, the podcast where we dive deep into the moments of transformation, the times when not yet shifts into right now and everything changes. I'm your host, Jen Ginty and this podcast is all about those pivotal moments in our life journeys. You know the ones, when the hesitation fades, when we take that first step, even if it feels like a leap. It's in these moments that growth and healing begins. Each episode will explore stories of resilience,

moments of clarity, and the sparks that ignite real change. From personal experiences to expert insights, we'll uncover how people navigate the complex journey we call life and come out stronger on the other side. Whether you're searching for that spark in your own life or just curious about how change unfolds for others, you're in the right place. We'll discuss the ups and downs, the breakthroughs and setbacks, and how to embrace the right now, even when it feels out of reach. Because sometimes,

The hardest part of the journey is realizing that the moment you've been waiting for has already arrived. So take a deep breath, settle in, and let's get started.

Jen (01:11)
Hello and welcome to When Not Yet Becomes Right Now. Today I have a very special guest on, his name is David, and let me introduce him. David Douglas is an author, counselor, and mindfulness practitioner dedicated to promoting mental well-being through gratitude, optimism, and self-care. After overcoming personal struggles with substance use, David has spent years integrating mindfulness and meditation practices into his life.

drawing on various spiritual traditions, including Buddhism and Celtic spirituality. His journey of resilience and transformation led him to become a counselor, where he now helps others navigate their own paths to healing. Through his book, A Guide to Cultivating Optimism, Harnessing Gratitude, Optimism, and Compassion for a Fulfilling Life, David shares his insights on how gratitude and optimism can transform one's mindset and life.

offering readers the tools they need to create lasting change. Welcome, David.

David Douglas (02:11)
Thanks. for having me. I appreciate it.

Jen (02:13)
Yeah, yeah, so glad you could come on the show. So let's get into it. Tell us your origin story.

David Douglas (02:21)
All right, well that starts out a long time ago because I'm getting older, yeah, ⁓ I'll try to keep it exciting. So ⁓ I grew up in the Midwest and I grew up in a family, a pretty big family. Actually, my mom had children and she was divorced and my dad had children too and his wife had actually passed away, unfortunately from ⁓ epileptic seizure and he was left with five kids.

And my mom, she had two boys and then they my grandmother actually introduced them and and then once they got together, kind of like the Brady Bunch, they decided to have ⁓ more children and they had me and my twin sister was a surprise. Then. Yeah, it was crazy. And then my mom actually had my younger sister, Ruth.

when she was 42 years old. So but so growing up in the Midwest, I grew up in that my family, as far as I can remember, they were pretty devout ⁓ Christians. were a big part of the church. And at first they had sent us kids to like a Baptist church.

Jen (03:17)
⁓ yeah.

David Douglas (03:39)
which was in the Midwest, was pretty much scare and and then the next thing I know, my my parents ⁓ ended up getting into involved in a church that was closer to that was in our same town. And they became a big part of that. And so I was taught, the.

the ways of ⁓ the sinner, and how to try not to abstain from that. Looking back, it was kind of like to me, it was more based upon fear than than anything. And I did not feel I never ever really felt attracted to it. And I don't really know why it was like I would see people who were like

really super devout and they were they would do all the motions and stuff during church and everything like that. And I don't know. I just always had this like, ⁓ what is this? You know, but one thing that it did instill on me was and not to not to be totally negative about Christianity because I'm not. But one thing that it did instill upon me was

guilt because you know they how they taught and everything it was it was like you know I was young and and it's like these certain I would say instincts or whatever that I had of kind of questioning things and looking into things and stuff and some of those things were taboo to them

And I never really quite understood that. And so but one thing that ⁓ that can't correlated with that was in the in the area that I grew up with older brothers and cousins and stuff that I was close to, ⁓ it was very much ⁓ kind of a party central. I mean, people like to.

They like to party, and so I grew up in this this time period, was like in the mid to late 80s to where I was kind of becoming, into my teenage years, where if, anybody that lived through that knows, you know, there people looked at you party in different. was always fun, And and I see that has changed a lot, which is a good thing.

But at the time, growing up, it was it was pretty normal to to go out drinking and everything. And so we did. And I had ⁓ my older brother, James, who I ran around, we shared a room and everything. And we had this neighbor that lived. Well, he was kind of a neighbor. He lived kind of probably a block away. You could see his house from from ⁓ our house.

And, ⁓ he was kind of not a very good influence, and I'm sure that we probably weren't either, but we used to drink a lot. And, it's like, ⁓ at the time I didn't really see it. but I remember the first time that I actually really drank and I remember being able to drink a lot. And I was just like, ⁓ this is kind of weird, and

And with the knowledge that I have now, I can look back and I can say, well, that's definitely signs of that you are probably what's the proper word, dispositioned or whatever predisposition to probably become an alcoholic because ⁓ it did. ran in the family, especially it was pretty rampant on my father's side.

But I didn't see it as a kid. I was was young and just having fun. so we, I would party and stuff and and. But there was always kind of like ⁓ a knowing which I go back to like almost like a guilt thing that was kind of established, I mean, obviously it's not.

good to drink underage and drink excessively. ⁓ But there is that guilt thing, that kind of played a big role with them. And my mom, she, she, I think she pretty much knew what was going on. But she used to say something about this time in my life when she knew that we were drinking and stuff. And she used to tell me, it runs in the family.

And it went like right over my head, you know, I mean, I knew what she was talking about, but it's kind of like the thing when you're young, you don't understand your mortality and you think you're going to live forever and you think, all the bad stuff happens to other people. You don't think that that stuff ever, can affect you. So anyway. ⁓ As in school, I tried to

I was in school, I tried to be a good student, but I was pretty bored and I didn't really try that hard. And I got by, but I still continued to party through ⁓ my high school days. And that's when I had a really good friend of mine. I always played in bands and stuff. I've been a musician since I was young.

And so I started running around with a lot of the kids that, like-minded kids that were into playing music and so on and so forth. which, know, ⁓ the lifestyle that the music that we played, which was, like rock and stuff like that. And we idolized these musicians and stuff. And of course, these musicians, it was a typical

kind of set ⁓ they lived their life. They had a certain way that they lived their life and it was usually surrounded by party. And so that too, was another, I guess, red flag as well, because I'm looking up to these people who are drinking and I'm pretty positioned from my father's side to probably become an alcoholic. And but I didn't see it. I was having fun and looking back, it was like

I probably could have toned it down to a certain bit. But one thing that I did have with me, that I do looking back as an adult is I always had like this. This empathy and this compassion that I carried for and I'm not sure where that came from. And so I was always like really, really mellow, even though I was like a kid that liked to party and stuff like that. I always.

tried to stop and think about other people and stuff like that. even though I was doing that stuff, I still had this, conscious that would speak to me and say, how is this going to affect other people or whatever like that? And including yourself. But, I think that that was a saving grace.

whether that goes back to the teachings of, the church or whatever, I don't know. I'm sure that it did. I don't think it's all bad, but even though it felt like that at the time. So ⁓ I finished school ⁓ and in my senior year, I guess one of the things that kind of

slowed my progress down or kind of made me start kind of having a negative attitude in certain aspects was I tried to go to college in Chicago to study classical guitar and I worked really really hard that I was always very disciplined with my practice because I was like really really super focused and

Just super driven. That's what I wanted to do. I was one of those kids that actually found out young exactly. I I knew that that's what I wanted to do. so I worked hard at it and I got an opportunity to audition for the Chicago Conservatory Music. And I learned two pieces, guitar pieces. And one was from ⁓

I can't remember the name of it. It was a Latin song. It was from like the 1600s and it was actually written on lute. And then I learned Boxbury and E minor and I played that and and they and I passed the audition and they said that I was definitely able to. I could go to school there. I was I was good enough and I was like I was like ecstatic. And so I told my my parents and.

And they were like, what are you going to do? How are you going to make a living doing that? And I was like, well, I don't know, but I think I can figure something out, and so they didn't really encourage me to continue on with that. then, and and we didn't have a lot of money growing up. Actually, we had very little. My mom never worked, but my dad, worked a factory job.

So it came back with the mediocre grades that I had and everything. It wasn't like I was a good enough student to get all these, these scholarships and everything. that kind of, I just had to give up on that. that was, looking back, that was pretty devastating, because I had set my hopes up. I'd worked really hard for that. And so I kind of took on this, like, this...

attitude of like, just didn't, it felt like things weren't working out, like I expected them to. And maybe that maybe I just had too high of expectations. I mean, that's a. That's probably has a lot to do with it, but but anyway, so I ended up getting a factory job and I, I.

I tried to make the most of it, but I definitely had, kind of a chip on my shoulder in a lot of ways. And so. ⁓ The first one of the things that I wanted to do is is, I didn't want to live with my parents because we were kind of getting to where we weren't getting along. So I got out and got a factory job and.

and worked really hard at it and got my own place and stuff. But at the time when all this was going on, I developed, I was a daily drinker. I mean, that was just a normal thing. mean, I would work and I would come home and I would drink about three or four beers and then I would take a little tiny nap and then I would get up and make some food and

and drink until I went to bed and I didn't think anything of it and then the weekends would come and had a lot of friends and it's kind of funny how they all like to drink too, ⁓

Jen (15:15)
personal father, right?

David Douglas (15:17)
Yeah, yeah, exactly. And so, I mean, we had a lot of fun, but it was everything was centered around drinking. It's like I remember when we would go camping. I was used to think, man, camping is like super, super expensive. It's like, well, no, it's not because what's expensive is all the booze that you buy to take with you. You know, if you just you get your tent and all that, you're camping, you're established. You have it and.

You know, you just need some food, so it's just the cost of food. And if you didn't drink the alcohol, it probably wouldn't cost you two or three hundred bucks to go camping for three or four days. hindsight is sometimes twenty twenty, ⁓ but so, I worked at a factory job and I think that and with the drinking and everything, I I just got to where I didn't feel. ⁓

I felt like I wanted there was something missing in my life and I didn't know what it was. it was like. I mean, I felt I don't know, I just I just felt kind of empty inside and I knew it wasn't something that I didn't feel like it was something that going to church is going to fulfill because I retried that, ⁓ And. ⁓

another thing happened to when I was 17 that I should mention to that played along with this role is ⁓ I was with two of my cousins and one of them ended up getting shot in the back. Wow. And I got I got the bullet missed me by like an inch and a half. And it was, you know, it was a crazy time. And I think that I went through like this in the process of that. I went through ⁓

almost like a nervous breakdown. I was 16 years old. And so I had that and that really changed a lot of stuff. And that, probably contributed to drinking because at the time, was like mental health was not as, it was kind of looked down upon as kind of like, you go through a therapist, you're kind of weird, you know?

Jen (17:33)
You're crazy if you go to a therapist, right? It's just an automatic of, God, you're obviously crazy if you need to talk to someone about it. Yeah, there's a real stigma. I think there still is. But back then, there was no way you could talk about going to a therapist. You were shunned.

David Douglas (17:53)
Yeah, totally. and at the time too, I, with the mental health, I could see that my mom's mental health was deteriorating and, she like started like hoarding and doing all kinds of like different stuff. She was very, ⁓ she was very abrasive when she would talk to us and how she talked to us and stuff like that. So that was one of the reasons why I was like, man, I want to get out of this,

get away from this. so anyway, fast forward, I was working in the Midwest and I had a factory job, but I just felt like a disconnect, and I didn't know what it was. And I had it kind of like a really biased attitude and kind of like, I think back about sometimes I get reminded of how I

reacted to certain things. I mean, I was never a violent person or anything like that. But I could be a real jerk and had my own biases and stuff. And I just look back and I kind of think, man, I'm glad that I changed from that. My grandmother was living in Oregon and I...

I don't even know what caused me to do this, but I talked to my mom and I said, hey, the next time you talk to grandma on the phone, can you ask her if I can come out and visit? And she was like, she came back and a week later or whatever, says, yeah, grandma was like, why would you think that you couldn't? And I was like, okay, cool, so I'm gonna come out. And so I actually went out to Oregon.

And it was like. I it was it was along the coast and I was like, my God, this is like super cool out here and I can do some of the things that I've always wanted to do and like they have an ocean. I can start surfing and so on so forth and I did. But the thing is, is my grandmother, she had this one rule that she told me if I ended up staying there was that her brother, my great uncle, who was a great guy.

He was a minister of a church and him and his wife. And she says, if you want to stay with me, you have to go to church. And I was like, damn it. know, and which, I mean, it's looking back to me, it's like, that's the, I guess that's the problem that I, the issue that I did, I do have with them. A lot of people in Christianity is it's exclusiveness and how they're, kind of like, well,

if you want me to help you, this is what you have to do. and I've never really agreed with that.

Jen (20:44)
think that's very generational, to be honest, because my mother was also very much like that. The religion thing, we could go on for hours about religion and guilt. I think that's a really important topic, because people don't really think much about how religion affects you and the things that are taught to us that are supposedly

the right thing, right? Quote, right thing to live your life as. And when you don't feel as though that is the right way for you to live, there's that guilt of, I must be doing something wrong or I'm going against this idea of how I'm supposed to be according to this religious group.

David Douglas (21:32)
Yeah, I agree. and that question was presented to me. I playing at a music festival one time and I was talking to this guy. It was like this total hippie festival. It was cool. And I was talking about a situation ⁓ where I was actually feeling guilt and the guy stopped me and he says, you ever think that that might be just originated from your

Christian upbringing. I was like, Oh yeah, I've never really stopped to think about it. But yeah.

Jen (22:06)
You know, religion just, I have found my way to spirituality and having my own ideas of what I believe is my core beliefs and values based on the spirituality that I have. I remember, I grew up Catholic and I grew up in a family where my father was our abuser.

And the idea of going to church every Sunday with my abuser and being told I have to do whatever he wants me to do was just a real kick in the teeth. from then on, when I was like a teenager, there was no way I was going to follow a Catholic lifestyle.

David Douglas (22:57)
Yeah, for sure. mean, yeah. And. Yeah, it's devastating when you see that and then you have to you're like, well, I have to follow along, you have it's almost like you you feel like you're locked in a cage because you can't, know, you have to kind of surrender to to their to what they want. and that was always, a difficult thing. It's kind of like with

my mom and dad, it was like, we went to church Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday nights. And the messages, were mostly about how sinful and how screwed up you were.

And basically that you could never change. it's like I never I guess the question I was like, so if I'm so screwed up and everything, then, I I don't think that I am that screwed up, but they evidently think that I'm screwed up. And and I was supposed to be in God's image. Then then why am I so, what's the deal? You know, it's.

Jen (24:11)
Yeah, I mean, I think it comes down to control because, religions and, even going as far as cults, that's the main, ideal behind a cult or religion is to follow along and to live in a controlled environment that one or maybe a group of people control.

and tell you what you're supposed to be doing, what you're supposed to be feeling, and how you're supposed to be living your life.

David Douglas (24:42)
yeah. And, I guess like I'm like really, really super skeptic of ⁓ because of that exact reason. And knowing that once you understand that and that when you even get into like ⁓ look into like even in it was with different religions, like I really am attracted to a lot of Celtic paganism. You know, I like I don't know what it is. I mean, it was like

And I was always taught growing up that, hey, that's wrong. That is like totally wrong. It's like then why does it feel so right? You know? But so, but even with that, though, is like the people that I met that were involved in that, and I was trying to ⁓ to ⁓ expand my knowledge on that and walk into that walk that kind of that path.

Jen (25:17)
Exactly.

David Douglas (25:38)
I would meet people who were like, no, I'm not this. This person is like he's using this in a way to control. And I've always been like a real, probably super independent person where I'm like question stuff. I'm like, but my the reason, I guess the reason why I say that is because even though the

Those are just the people that I mean, the whole concept of why I was interested in it in the first place is still there. but whenever you get humans involved, it seems like some people have different motives and some people have motives of control. And I don't understand that. And I don't want to understand that because that's not how I am. It's like

If you like the saying goes, if you love someone or love something, set it free, and let it be what it is and don't don't try to control it. And so but. I also have been ⁓ really attracted to Buddhism for a lot of the Buddhist principles for a long, time. And I guess going back to ⁓ like the origins of how I found gratitude and.

and stuff is because I had such a negative attitude and I still have to I still struggle with that. And just because I wrote a book on it doesn't mean that, I I don't struggle with that. If there's anybody that needs to write a book about that more than it's me, because I did have a negative attitude and and I still utilize those ⁓ those core principle foundations to this day. And I'm always referring to it. And it's like ⁓

I want to throw stuff out there into this world that is positive. because I think if any time right now, we really, really need that in the world with some disconnect and everything that's going on.

Jen (27:49)
Oh, absolutely. And when you live a life where someone is always pointing out the negatives to you, either about you or about things around you, your atmosphere, it's really hard to pull yourself out of feeling those same negative thoughts because they're getting grained in you, whether it was your mother or just people around you.

giving out that negative idea whenever you do something, there's something negative about it, like when you wanted to go to college and you had the skills to go to college and do what you really wanted to do. And then having someone turn around and say, well, you can't do anything with that. And I know that feeling because my mother, she was trying really hard to make sure that I

excelled in life. So I wanted to go to college for writing. And she said, well, you'll never be able to do anything with a creative writing degree. You have to pick something else or I won't help you. I won't help you get loans. I won't help you with with that kind of stuff that can just change your whole idea of the way that you live and what you what you have.

instead of what you don't have rather than what you have. Does that make sense?

David Douglas (29:18)
Yeah, it makes total sense. It's kind of like, you're looking back, it's like you want to go back if you could go back and and and relive that experience, knowing what I know now, you'd want to say, what do you have a freaking crystal ball or something? You can see the future. and I think that that goes along with like ⁓ people who

get disconnected with optimism because of that stuff. so pulling yourself out of those trenches and stuff the things that helped me do that were little subtle, tiny, simple things that for some reason, I don't know, I was able to to to to get a little bit of it and

and bring it into my life and kind of try to make it expand. And like, for instance, like it's in my book about gratitude, but I had this I grew up around these people who were just like really, like they didn't. You know, it was like they would just say like stuff to tear you down like my aunt, like she would come over to visit.

And she was just nasty. mean, here's an example, she comes over one time, I'm just a kid and I have this like hat on. It's almost like a ⁓ almost like a cowboy hat. Anyway, it was a little unique. And before she even gets into the house, she was like, she said, where did you get that hat? It looks really stupid.

And I'm just like, I was just a kid. mean, I mean, but those are things that you don't say to you don't say to a kid.

Jen (31:04)
No, no, not at all. I mean, I have similar experiences of that. Yeah. No, no, no, go ahead.

David Douglas (31:10)
Unless you, ⁓ sorry,

unless you, I was just going to say unless you want to spread your negativity and that's what they want to do.

Jen (31:18)
yeah, because if they're miserable, they want everybody else to be miserable too. if you lived your life in a negative way, that's all you're going to put out as well. And that's corrosive.

David Douglas (31:29)
Mm-hmm.

For sure. For sure. But so, one of the things that happened is it's in the book is where I started actually finding gratitude has to me has many paths. so growing up around these people who were always negative, they never had anything good to say about you. It was always kind of cutting you down.

when I moved to Oregon, I was working at an appliance repair place and I ended up delivering going to this really these elderly couple and and but anyway, she was like. She was so genuine and she just complimented me over and over and it was it was a weird experience. It was like.

The thing is, like people can compliment you and everything and you can be like, okay, well, they're maybe they're being a little superficial or whatever, or they're just being nice. I really generally felt like this lady was, she was genuine and everything. And it, and it had a profound impact on me. and right then I was like, that's how I want to treat people from this day forth. I don't want to be this person who's

constantly tearing people down, pointing out their flaws and stuff like that. If I do point out their flaws it's going to be in loving, non-judgmental, kind way. And I try to do my best to hold myself accountable to that. But that was a pure, profound moment that is obviously...

and had a lasting impression on me because I was like 20, 24 at the time.

Jen (33:11)
and how was it with going to your grandmother's? Did you see that you were drinking less? Did you feel like you still needed to drink in order to feel, up to par, so to say?

David Douglas (33:26)
Well, was, ⁓ she wouldn't let me drink in the house and, but I was feeling better. I was feeling really, really good. I started surfing, I started surfing every day and I was always been pretty athletic and stuff and a really good swimmer. So I always thought surfing would be cool. So that's what I did. I was pretty, kept myself pretty busy with surfing and working stuff.

But a friend of mine that I grew up with, ⁓ he was working up in Alaska as a biologist and he would come down to go to Mexico. He was pretty free spirited and he would come and I ended up, he ended up staying at my ⁓ grandmother's ⁓ house with me until I moved out. But there was a funny thing, my grandmother was really naive and I'll tell you this story because it's really funny because

My friend Larry, he loved to smoke marijuana and my great uncle, he was the minister. He had a son who was like, did not live the Christian life at all. And he liked to smoke like massive amounts of marijuana. I remember one day I came home from work and it was when my friend and my cousin

Jen (34:44)
Rebel

David Douglas (34:54)
first met and I remember my grandmother saying, wow, ⁓ Larry and Robin sure are getting along really well. And I was just like, huh, I wonder why, sure enough. So it was just like this naive. She thought that they just hit it off really well. It's like, well, they had something in common and it was, you you smoked it and they smoked a lot of it.

at that time I was always like a real high functioning alcoholic. once I moved out on my own and I would start hanging around with friends. We started kind of fell into the environment of drinking a lot, but it was always on fun, and.

just having a lot of fun. but yeah, I mean, I did, looking back, I was like, yeah, I definitely feel better not being hungover, But I was young, and so my body handled it really well. But and then, you know, as far as the drinking goes, I definitely continue to do it. I got back on that path and I would drink.

heavy for a while and then ⁓ I would stop. But when I would drink it was mostly, it was always like a daily thing, whether it be four beers I just thought that that was normal. I really honestly did. I was just like, that's how all my friends do it. they go to work and when they get done with work, yeah, crack a beer and you crack a bunch. ⁓

Jen (36:23)
Crack a beer?

David Douglas (36:28)
So I ended up. continue to drink and then I wouldn't drink and then I ended up in this relationship. ⁓ Long, pretty long relationship and lasted 14 years and we never got married. We were living in sin. But in the meantime. ⁓

I had learned how to frame houses and so I always wanted to live. I like living up in the woods and and I kind of. I got a job as a maintenance guy at this creamery. And that was like there. It was a small town, coastal town, and that was like one of the best jobs that you could had. So I was I pretty much just, kind of settled in to say this is my life. This is what.

my life is supposed to be. I'm going to go and work at this factory as a maintenance guy, which was a cool job. I I learned a lot and I kind of gave up on the music other than just playing for myself. And I ended up buying a piece of property because I liked being up in the woods. always felt really comfortable in the forest. And I built a house

It was a two-story home that I built. was small. was like, it's only like 500 square feet. And it was like totally off the grid. Cause the power company wanted a bunch of money for me to put the ⁓ electricity in. And I didn't really want to pay for that. So I went totally off the grid, had solar panels and stuff and had a well drilled. I witched a well. I have that talent. witched actually. ⁓ I'm like four and

Jen (38:12)
Nice.

David Douglas (38:13)
I built this house and and it was cool. I lived up in the woods.

But I was still drinking a lot, ⁓ but something happened that actually was a life-changing experience. ⁓ I woke up one morning and...

my bottom lip was like totally, totally swelled up, like where it was ready to burst. And I thought I got bit by a spider. Yeah, and it was kind of weird. And I was living up 17 miles away from town up in the mountains. And I was like, that was weird. And I went back to sleep and I woke up and I was like, ⁓ called a friend of mine and I was talking to him and I was like, I don't know.

Jen (38:36)
my goodness.

David Douglas (38:58)
Like four o'clock this morning, my tongue or my lip swelled up and now it's kind of gone, but it's still kind of swelled. He was like, it's probably something you ate or something, you know. And I realized while I was talking to him that I was having a hard time articulating my words. And the reason why is because my tongue was starting to swell up. Yeah. And so I went into the to the hospital and literally just the right side of my tongue swelled up.

Jen (39:17)
wow.

David Douglas (39:28)
It was just crazy. Yeah. Yeah, it is weird, but I've always been kind of weird, especially unique,

Jen (39:30)
Yeah, that's weird

That's right.

David Douglas (39:37)
⁓ but what I ended up finding out after having that, ⁓ was I got diagnosed with hereditary angioedema and that was something that my mother and my grandmother had.

so it continued to happen and it would be like really scary. Like I've had my tongue swell up so much that I couldn't keep it in my mouth. And I was in a hospital and there's nothing that they can do for you other than give you like this some this special shot, which is basically got blood plasma in it, which has C proteins or whatever. But

It was devastating because it was like I was really, really happy in my life there. Things were working out. I was making good money. I was really healthy. I felt really good. I had the house that I built with my hands. Things were going good. And then it was like, bam. And what was scary about it was like I would be fine during the day and when I would go to sleep.

I would wake up at like two o'clock in the morning and that's when my tongue would be swelled up or my lips I didn't know what was causing this. And was like literally having.

a monster sleeping underneath my bed because I didn't know when, if it was going to happen the next morning because it was like, like he would literally like be living in this nightmare when I was in the hospital. And I come to find out that now my wife today is she's got to do, she's super, super smart. She's a food scientist and she has a degree in chemical engineering and

And yeah, I'd split up with the other ⁓ one. And but I was I was devastated. I was drinking a lot because I felt like my life was over. it's like about how am I going to deal with this?

So she did some digging and stuff and come to find out that, ⁓ proteins were triggering it. There's other things that are contributing factors, but I was working at a creamery as a maintenance guy.

Jen (41:56)
No.

That's right. Oh, man.

David Douglas (42:00)
And so that was the end of that job, And so here's how much I to to to give you an idea of how much how bad it got with.

⁓ My drinking is I entered myself into a treatment facility because I was literally was not eating. I was just drinking constantly and I was like, I'm going to die. And I would go through withdrawals and my hands would shake really, really bad and stuff. And I went to a treatment facility.

outside of Salem, Oregon. It was a great place. And ⁓ I must have liked it really well because I ended up going two more times ⁓ to that same facility. I would relapse. I would go like a year and I'd be like really good. And then I would have the hereditary angioedema attack or something or this what we call in the in the substance use disorder world as euphoric recall.

I struggled with that, always remembering the good about drinking and not the bad. And I would relapse. I would go like a year or whatever. And then I'd be like, no, I'm fine. I'm normal. I can drink normal. And I would for a little while. And then it was like, no, guess not. And so It was kind of humbling. But

There was a time where I, still ended up going again a couple different times before I'm like, okay, I can't do this, you know? And that's kind of what inspired me to become a substance use disorder counselor. But I went one time, which you do not do, I withdrew on alcohol without any medical assistance and up the cabin.

Jen (43:55)
Yeah, that's dangerous.

David Douglas (43:58)
Yeah, which I called the cabin and I was hallucinating. I remember I was walking down this path that I knew really well. And I knew that there was nobody else on here and I would actually see people. saw a guy sitting alongside the road. I can still describe him to this day. And I was thinking.

What in the world? Why is there a dude up here, man? This is like crazy. and I started getting kind of defensive and I walked on the other side of the path and he like disappeared. It was crazy and. Yeah, yeah.

Jen (44:33)
That's wild.

So you've gone through a couple of times where you relapsed, what was that time, what was that moment that was, this is it, it's done, I'm finished with alcohol?

David Douglas (44:50)
when I realized how much my alcoholism was affecting other people, it kind of like, ⁓

I've realized how kind of the, lack of better words, how big of a dirt bag that I kind of became. I was becoming somebody that was totally going against every grain of my personality, of how I looked at life and how I treated other people. ⁓

And this the negative impact and how much people were concerned about. About me, they were like, what is this like a totally different? This is not you, you know?

Jen (45:36)
Yeah, no, that's understandable. So how did you get yourself into counseling others? especially the book. Tell us about the book.

David Douglas (45:47)
Well, I just met a lot of really cool people who were my counselors and I, and they told me, the counselors told me, said, man, you would, you should really consider getting into this field because you would be really good at it. And I'm like, really? And they were like, yeah, you just, your personality. And one counselor said, I'm to start a...

treatment facility in Hawaii and I would hire you in a heartbeat if you had your credentials And I was like, wow, that's that's that's really cool. So I was just kind of like, OK, and I'll give it a try. And so I told my wife, she was.

She was probably at her wits end with me. And I was like, hey, dear, guess what? I'm going to do it. And she was like, OK, I'll see it when I believe it. She was she was very supportive, but I was kind of pretty annoying, pretty pretty hard husband to keep. But I mean, I wasn't like abusive or anything like that. never been like that. But I mean, I was, you know, just drinking. I was just being kind of doing my own thing.

when I got out the treatment facility, I said, OK, this is what I'm doing. And I had some money saved up from, working and I was doing contracting work and remodel work and stuff before all this kind of stuff happened

I got out of treatment, ⁓ started looking at treatment facilities and calling them and saying, hey, you guys hiring? And there was a place called Sundowning Ranch that they were like, yeah, we're we're looking for ⁓ house managers. I didn't know what that was. And I mean, then I like, OK, I know what they did. And so I hired on there and

And I just said, I told my wife, said, I'm enrolling in school. I'm going to do this. There's a college in town. And that's what I did. And I was working full time, a lot of hours at the treatment facility, helping assisting people who were coming into the treatment facility.

and while going to school to get my credentials and get my education And while I was going to school, I realized that ⁓ I've always been like a really avid reader, but I love to read and I've read so many self-help books over the years that I just.

always attracted to them, like the Buddhist philosophy type books. I just always liked that. ⁓ so when I was in school, I would have to write a lot of papers and stuff like that. And ⁓ it just came like really natural for me. it was like this meditative thing.

I'd realize when I would write a paper that the only thing that was on my mind was what was I was writing and it just I was really quick at it. And I don't want to sound pretentious. my teachers were like, you're really good. I really like your paper. And I would get really high scores on it. And they were were like, you did a really good job of writing this. You articulate your words really well.

so it was kind of a natural thing. And the compassion and this empathy thing would, it would show up. I was working one-on-one with these patients. Some of these patients were good and some of them were horrible, but you gotta love all of them,

But I felt like I was giving back what I was given. For instance, people who are withdrawing from alcohol and their hands are shaking so bad that you have to hold the glass for them. Well, I've had people do that for me.

when I was writing, it kind of wrote itself. when I would get all my homework done. ⁓ I started writing. I wasn't at first thinking, OK, I'm just going to write this book, but I knew that I felt like I wanted to write something that I could

offer to the world and maybe, some people would see it and they would be like, wow, this is like super cool. when I did decide that I wanted to actually write the book, I wanted to point out the fact that. Some of the most profound, greatest things that happen to us are the small. Tiny little things that sometimes we take for granted, and if there's anything that I can convey,

with the book is that teach yourself how to look for the small things because it's about the tiny things that are life changing experiences. It's like being in the right place at the right time. put yourself in the right place at the right time. You can do that by teaching yourself how to be more aware, living in the present moment, And it was kind of a combination of all these things that

that I offered these people because I'm like, this is what has worked for me. I've always struggled with depression. I struggle with anxiety. And this is what helped me. And maybe it can help you. And so that is the premise behind the book. And, growing up, though, another thing to I guess I should point out is that.

I come from a family of storytellers. and I'm that annoying guy that's like, when I'm describing something, I'm describing, oh, it was was great. The weather, the wind was about 15 degrees out of the northwest. I could feel a little bit of sun, and they're like, get to the point, David. So so that's it's kind of a double edged sword. It can really help you out being.

that annoying guy who over explains.

Jen (51:38)
Well, so, you've given a lot of sage advice, especially this, be present, be in the moment. So how can the listeners find you?

David Douglas (51:51)
⁓ You can go to ⁓ my website, which is a guide to cultivating optimism. I have a YouTube channel, too, that is called ⁓ Wondercraft, mindful builds and adventures. A long, time ago, when I was going through like this really, really deep depression, I found a book, a Buddhist book, it was that

⁓ The art of happiness with the Dalai Lama. And if there's anything that I learned from that book, it was given to me at the right time because I've reread it since then. And it's like, this is like super basic. But at the time it was like profound. And the whole main point for me of that book was to keep your hands moving when you're going through this stuff. And what I mean by that.

is to do stuff, do positive stuff. if you're down into trenches and you feel like you can't climb your way out, you just start moving your arms and your feet so one thing that has always been prevalent in my life has been a therapeutic tool that I've used to get myself out of stuff is by making stuff.

and I make traditional long bows. I built a a little micro camper on the channel to show you how to do that. I built lots of bows. I built ⁓ a Native American flute. Just all kinds of stuff.

Jen (53:18)
mindful creation.

David Douglas (53:20)
Yeah, but I started out with I had the name of it was cultivating optimism and it was mostly about like how live in the present moment. And I wanted to reflect in the book, but it seem like it was taken off for a while. And so I thought, well, how else can I do this and convey my message? so I switched it over and I started just building stuff,

I think I've made like 40 videos so far. Wow. Yeah. So it's fun. I enjoy it. It was like a learning curve. So you can find me there. The book is on Amazon and I have a website, a guide to cultivating optimism.

dot com, believe. ⁓

Jen (54:05)
Great. Now put that all in the show notes. Well, thank you so much, David, for coming on the show. was such a great conversation.

David Douglas (54:15)
Cool, well thanks for having me, I appreciate it.

Jen (54:17)
Absolutely.

When Not Yet Becomes Right Now (54:21)
Thank you for joining us for this episode of the podcast. This show is produced by Phoenix Freed LLC, and I'm your producer, Jen Ginty We hope you found today's conversation insightful and inspiring. If you have a story of your own about when a not yet moment became a right now, we encourage you to reach out and share it. You can find more information about being a guest on our show at whennotyetbecomesrightnow.com. Remember, you are not alone on your journey, whether it's a journey of healing,

growth or transformation. Every story matters. Thank you for listening and we'll catch you next time with another inspiring episode.